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  1. #31
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    magnolia1973 is online now Senior Member
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    LOL, I have been fat my whole life, and for me, I started a happy go lucky child and then by about second grade, all the sudden, I was chubby and that's when associating weight with unrelated things begins. "I don't like you because you are fat". Then you move on to being a teen- it generally gets worse, and for me, my well meaning mom "You'll never do as well in the horse shows because you are fat and don't look good on the horse". Rinse and repeat enough times and all the sudden in the back of your mind "If I was not fat, they'd have hired me". "That guy does not like me because I am fat". Never mind, I was close to 300lbs when I met my husband. But "he'll treat me better if I am thinner".

    I guess for me it didn't start as vanity. It started as "being fat negates any good traits you might have". It's such a burden to be honest. Now that I am looking better, I'm terrified of getting fat again. And the sad thing is....people treat you better when you don't have excess weight.

    And it does weigh in every aspect of life- my friend wants to go for a drink today- I am trying to decide if I want the drink. Worried it will bloat me. I struggle to enjoy dinner out with my husband.I did have a burger and fries last week and EVERY DAY this week I weighed in and ate less and worked out harder because of it. I crossed the finish line of a marathon and my first thought was "These people must think I am a fat cow". Not "I did it", just normal fat girl thoughts. I show up at CrossFit and finish the WOD and keep up, and I assume everyone is wishing my fat ass wasn't there.

    It sucks, it really does and the thoughts never go away. It's funny, I have the eating down, the weight is slowly dropping, the workouts I love. I own size 10 jeans. But damn,those thoughts just never leave.

    I don't know what to take away from this, and maybe now that half of AMerica is fat, moms and dads and kids won't tell fat kids that they are unliked, unable or less competent because they are fat.

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
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  2. #32
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    I didn't realize I hadn't gone swimming for over 20 years until I lost some weight and was going to stay in a hotel that might have had an indoor pool. I didn't own a bathing suit because I was too fat.

    It turns out there wasn't an indoor pool. But now I have bought a bikini.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by magnolia1973 View Post
    LOL, I have been fat my whole life, and for me, I started a happy go lucky child and then by about second grade, all the sudden, I was chubby and that's when associating weight with unrelated things begins. "I don't like you because you are fat". Then you move on to being a teen- it generally gets worse, and for me, my well meaning mom "You'll never do as well in the horse shows because you are fat and don't look good on the horse". Rinse and repeat enough times and all the sudden in the back of your mind "If I was not fat, they'd have hired me". "That guy does not like me because I am fat". Never mind, I was close to 300lbs when I met my husband. But "he'll treat me better if I am thinner".

    I guess for me it didn't start as vanity. It started as "being fat negates any good traits you might have".
    It's such a burden to be honest. Now that I am looking better, I'm terrified of getting fat again. And the sad thing is....people treat you better when you don't have excess weight.

    And it does weigh in every aspect of life- my friend wants to go for a drink today- I am trying to decide if I want the drink. Worried it will bloat me. I struggle to enjoy dinner out with my husband.I did have a burger and fries last week and EVERY DAY this week I weighed in and ate less and worked out harder because of it. I crossed the finish line of a marathon and my first thought was "These people must think I am a fat cow". Not "I did it", just normal fat girl thoughts. I show up at CrossFit and finish the WOD and keep up, and I assume everyone is wishing my fat ass wasn't there.

    It sucks, it really does and the thoughts never go away. It's funny, I have the eating down, the weight is slowly dropping, the workouts I love. I own size 10 jeans. But damn,those thoughts just never leave.
    I don't know what to take away from this, and maybe now that half of AMerica is fat, moms and dads and kids won't tell fat kids that they are unliked, unable or less competent because they are fat.
    Great post, Magnolia. You really hit on some key issues.

    The biggest battle of all is within our heads. If only it were possible to de-program and have a do-over with a clean slate. To think how far back one would have to go in order to do so is crazy. It's a shocking realization to discover the young age at which the unhealthy, damaging thought process began, and this doesn't apply only to those who already have weight issues. Very young girls watching Mom struggle with her own issues (again, whether overweight or not) are greatly affected and this molds their views on self-worth, especially the criteria on which they will base their own.

    Good for you for purchasing the bikini, eKatherine! That's a victory in itself. In my opinion, changing our mindset is a loftier, yet higher priority goal than is changing our weight. Until that can begin to change, any mental and physical benefits of a healthier weight are fragile and may be merely temporary.
    Last edited by GoJenGo; 04-20-2013 at 07:52 AM.
    Life is not a matter of having good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.

    - Robert Louis Stevenson

  4. #34
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    Changed my avatar pic to my bikini.


  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ekatherine View Post
    changed my avatar pic to my bikini.
    you rock!!
    Life is not a matter of having good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.

    - Robert Louis Stevenson

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by eKatherine View Post
    Changed my avatar pic to my bikini.
    You look great!!
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  7. #37
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    magnolia1973 is online now Senior Member
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    eKatherine... sorry, you didn't buy that bikini, you rocked it!

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

  8. #38
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    Hello, I just want to encourage you all to keep trying because you can minimise those thoughts. Unfortunately I don't think there is a blueprint as to how and it certainly can take a long time. For me, it started with just going back to basics and accepting that we all need to eat and learning how to recognise basic hunger signals again rather than trying to follow someone else's plan of what you should eat and when. Then there is an element of realising that although you think that other people see what you see in regards to your self, most of the time they don't; they're thinking about themselves or something completely different. PB was the last fitting piece for me and helped drop the "worry" factor. After nine months, I've found that I haven't gone backwards; minimising gluten and lowering the emphasis on carbs really seemed to be the key; as well as relearning what foods I actually enjoy. Once the worry diminishes, there's room for "enjoying life" thoughts and those are positively reinforcing in themselves. So keep going people, there is hope for things to get better

  9. #39
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    Some years back I had a boyfriend who was shy. He was tall and slim, and looked like he could have been a model. One day we were meeting at a local watering hole, and I got their first. I watched as he arrived. He literally slunk into the room. The feeling he projected was something no doubt everyone in the room could have felt on some level. Even by pretending to be confident, he would have fooled everybody in the room, and they would have treated him that way.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by eKatherine View Post
    Some years back I had a boyfriend who was shy. He was tall and slim, and looked like he could have been a model. One day we were meeting at a local watering hole, and I got their first. I watched as he arrived. He literally slunk into the room. The feeling he projected was something no doubt everyone in the room could have felt on some level. Even by pretending to be confident, he would have fooled everybody in the room, and they would have treated him that way.
    It's good to be reminded that even people who are not fat, who are not women, are handicapped by the feelings that they are not worthy. The pain is probably the same.

    I've thought a lot about what made it possible for me to finally get a grip on my weight and I am thinking now that it was when I realized that the binging wasn't so much a loss of control as a twisted way of punishing myself that I started to have more control over it. As a child, I felt constant criticism, for my weight and for a million other things. Once I moved away from home, I got a lot of positive reinforcement from professors and bosses. But I could always be the loser I knew I was by being fat. I don't know what happened at 49. A mid-life crisis? My daughter going through puberty and getting the exact same body I did? A gradual weaning off of psychosis-inducing grains, lol?

    Now I look at my rumpled skin on my belly and upper arms and think "Eh, I look good with clothes on. Maybe in a year or two I'll look better naked. Or not, whatever." I'm lucky to be married to a man who couldn't keep his hands off me no matter what I weighed. I suppose that makes it easier.

    Katherine, that's one hell of a bikini body, especially for an old lady! You give me hope.
    50yo, 5'3"
    SW-195
    CW-125, part calorie counting, part transition to primal
    GW- Goals are no longer weight-related

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