Welcome to the forum I totally know where you're coming from. I have a journal too, and I'm using it to document a very unorthodox way to overcome an ED. It really does help.
You're absolutely not pathetic. Hopefully through this journal you can start to think about why you keep being drawn back to junk food. Do you have any ideas why you do it?
“I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country..."
― Bill Hicks
"Sometimes eating the wrong food with the right attitude is a better choice than eating the right food with the wrong attitude... That’s how powerful the mind and the heart can be in the healing process."
- Chris Kresser