Welcome to the forum I totally know where you're coming from. I have a journal too, and I'm using it to document a very unorthodox way to overcome an ED. It really does help.
You're absolutely not pathetic. Hopefully through this journal you can start to think about why you keep being drawn back to junk food. Do you have any ideas why you do it?
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat