Afraid of Gaining More
A bit of history: went through an eating disorder, now actively recovering. Had a full relapse December 2011, and lost gradually until April 2012, when I was injured and began restricting heavily. From April 2012-December 2012, I went from 110-ish down to 85, then my body had had enough. I actively have been recovering since, and consistently gaining 10lbs a month since January. I'm now at 113lbs (5'3in female) which is hard to accept for me, but a reasonable weight. I've gotten to this point by eating mostly Primal foods, with a cereal or bread slip up here and there, and not really limiting my sugar intake. I exercise, lift 3-4x a week and run 1-2 times a week, but sprint 3-4 times a week. I used to do a lot of yoga but I haven't been into it recently.
I was all fine and happy with my consistent gain until now. I now totally weight restored, and I'm very afraid that if I continue this WOE, I'll keep consistently gaining 10lbs every month! I am nervous that I'm going to give this whole thing up, and just go back to restricting or going back to low fat. My goals change all the time, diet-wise, and I'm usually just at a loss on where I want to be.
So, my question is, what do you think I should do, honestly? Do you think that my eating habits or diet habits should adjust now that I'm at a healthy range? It's not that I necessarily want to go back to losing weight, but the fear that my eating habits are going to cause me to continue to gain are overpowering my desire to just be healthy. I guess I am just having a bout of low self esteem issues lately, in terms of accepting my body and how much it has changed. Thanks for your tips, advice, and support. Any opinions would help me out in my moment of weakness and confusion.
Ditch the scale. It doesn't tell you anything useful.
What is your bodyfat percentage? Do you like the way you look in a mirror? Do other people like the way you look (mostly) naked? How do your clothes fit?
Primal has a way of putting people at a healthy weight. Whether the number on the scale matches the number in your head is not guaranteed.
Sounds like you've had a tough time of it, and people may be reluctant to comment or give advice given your past history of an eating disorder.
However, I don't think your eating habits will just magically adjust now you are at a healthy weight. If it were me, I'd work on learning to love yourself as you are, which by the sounds of it is a healthy weight. It'll be hard work as it involves stopping negative thought processes etc, and learning to be happy with and accept your current weight. If deep down you are still unhappy with your body, then it is unlikely that you will be able to maintain a healthy outlook on any weight gain etc, or be able to let go of control in regards to calorie counting etc.
I did some hyponotherapy last year to help me with some binge eating behaviour, and while it wasn't an overnight cure, it definitely helped me learn how to start thinking positively and stop negative behaviours in their tracks. The best advice she gave me for when I was getting down about the scales not moving was to focus on behaviours not the scales. So focus on eating right and exercising, and not on what the scale says....
Perhaps you could see a hypnotherapist and work with them on getting your subconcious being happy and content with your current weight, and less concerned about counting calories etc. Or perhaps talk to a therapist about some strategies to start thinking more positively and let go of the worries and learn to love your body again.
Best of luck.
Last edited by lucy1984; 03-31-2013 at 09:26 PM.
Reason: Embarrassing use of you're instead of your
I only weigh myself once every 2 weeks to see what's going on. I don't (and never have) weigh myself every day. When I use an electronic body fat calculator that you hold onto with your hands, it says I have about 12% body fat. When I do online calculations where I enter in measurements, it says I have 17-18% body fat. I personally feel quite large in my body from the recent gain. Some days I look in the mirror and think I'm okay. Some days I look in the mirror and think I look too big. My boyfriend likes the way I look and encourages me to continue what I'm doing, but sometimes it's hard to believe him, though he's got no reason to lie I guess. Currently, my clothes don't really fit me, which is why I've been having low self esteem... I've had to pull out my old clothes, and my teeny skinny girl clothes are getting snug... I'm just at such an awkward time in my life, leaping from a BMI of 16 to 20 is odd no matter how you look at it. I'm just looking for direction and assurance that going back to limiting fats a bit more and eating only lean meats is not the solution (or is it?) to stabilize my body composition.
Thank you, that's really insightful advice! I never went for any real professional help continually and just went about getting better by myself. Maybe it's time, now that I know I've gotten the physical aspects down a bit better (I did not and still do not agree with the feeding aspect of curing an eating disorder) I can listen to what they've it to say about my way of thinking. I am in a much clearer state of mind now, too, so I know that no one is out to make me morbidly obese, or trying to sabotage my life, lol. Again, thanks for not being afraid to give me a point in the right direction.
Originally Posted by lucy1984
Originally Posted by Cierra