I just re-joined the forum and ran across your journal. You didn't give much of an intro, but reading your posts, I wonder if you have had your thyroid checked? I had that "can't get off the couch" dragging feeling and depression with only borderline test results. My TSH was 3.1 and the first doctor wouldn't even give me meds. I found another doc who would do a full panel and started me on both levoxin and armour, and it made all the difference in the world!
Also, I really recognize your "this isn't working, I just need to beat myself up and try harder" feelings, and I have an alternative to suggest: Intuitive Eating. Mark essentially follows the basics (don't eat unless you are hungry and stop when you are full), BUT there are so many emotional triggers that are very, very powerful drives to overeat. Intuitive Eating is an approach where you basically take the time to question your motives before you eat something. For instance:
1. Am I actually hungry?
2. What feeling do I really want?
3. am I trying to avoid something else that it unpleasant?
In my case I had a lot of emotional triggers regarding self-worth, as I came from an emotionally abusive dad whose hobby was to make fun of my looks and my general worth as a human being. When my 3 boys were toddlers and getting on my last nerve, I'd stuff my face whenever some of those hurtful words from the past bubble up - or when my husband was being irritating but I didn't want to confront him.
Once you identify your triggers, you can come up with some other ways to meet that need. I literally had a written list to refer to, because when I get emotional sometimes I can't see past step 1.
My other suggestion since you are new to Primal is to give yourself permission to eat as much as you want -- of the Primal foods though! When you want that chocolate, eat some beef jerky instead (or whatever). You might still go back to the chocolate, but a lot of times, you can be satisfied by that long enough to get distracted and just forget to eat the chocolate.
Welcome, and hope this helps
Thanks for your advice mikki. I had my thyroid tested and doctor told me it's fine. I eat sugar even when I know I don't want it. I believe it's how I self harm. There are days when I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and just be left alone. I get so angry and frustrated at other times and feel as if I want to escape from my skin, if that makes sense. I know I am extremely stressed right now because I'm doing exams but I also know that I always stress or worry about something. I need to find some way of releasing this stress that doesn't involve food but at the moment i can't even be bothered to care enough. I'm sorry if I sound so negative but at the moment that's just the way things are. I really appreciate you taking the time to post though and it does help.
I hope your journey is going somewhat better than mine at the moment.
Thanks again and take care!