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Thread: This is not a lobe song

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  1. #1
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    This is not a lobe song

    I started this journal for the reasons you see below, but it evolved in a way I didn't expect. This journal documents the entire process by which I recovered from an eating disorder that was ruining my life. Day by day, you can see the evolution in my thoughts and behaviours, as I gain clarity and gradually heal.

    Over the last few months I've gotten a lot of PMs and messages from people suffering from EDs, saying how much reading this has helped them. The journal has gotten looong, so if I could sum up what I've learned it would be:

    EDs are psychological and physiological.

    - The first step to combatting an ED is to take yourself off a restrictive diet and make sure you're getting enough carbs and protein.
    - Get your hormones checked. In this journal I discover I have a health condition, and the diagnosis changed my life.
    - After that, read a self-help book or two. Learning about psychology has helped me understand myself and others, has increased my empathy and generally made life easier. It's very empowering to understand your subconscious fears, and how these drive us.

    Don't be a stranger!

    ------
    ------
    03-17-2013

    I'm crap at keeping journals, but I've decided I'd like to document my journey to perfection. Ha No.

    The biggest impediments to living a fruitful life are within me. My battles are with depression, an eating disorder, insomnia. And, most lately, wrinkles This journal is about me experimenting with new ideas to try and find what works for me.

    Problem is that I'm notoriously crap at seeing any experiments through! I'm hoping that keeping a journal will motivate me to stick with things. (It should really have the word "Fad" in the title, but I'm a slave to subject lines with song references... and typos

    Disclaimer: Enter with a bag of sea salt. I'm usually wrong about everything.



    Age: 31
    Gender: Female
    Last edited by YogaBare; 09-08-2013 at 11:10 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  2. #2
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    Hi! All the best for your experiments.

  3. #3
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    First fad: Women who Eat A Ton without gaining (EAT)

    E.A.T

    My latest fad is inspired by the "Women who eat a ton without gaining" thread. I'm experimenting with what happens if I eat circa 3K calls a day.

    The background:

    After a life of ED and 13 years of yo-yoing weight, I've had enough.

    People here keep saying that EDs can be caused by nutritional deficiencies. I don't know if it can be pinned on that, but it's the only approach I haven't tried. And it's not like I've led the healthiest life.

    I stopped exercising when I was 16, and was seriously unfit for most of my twenties. I spent about ten years partying, boozing, smoking way too much dope, and taking drugs. I have a long history of under-eating / binging on junk. I have had chronic insomnia for 9 years. I get incredibly stressed and depressed. I was vegetarian for eight years, vegan for one, and lived on cereal for a lot of my life.

    I can only presume these things have impacted my physical health in ways I don't understand. Could my ED be part of a vicious cycle of ignoring strong messages my body sends me? Have I damaged my metabolism by years of chronic under eating, binging and purging?

    What would happen if I bathed my body in nutrients, got tons of sleep, exercised right for me, and treated myself as though I'm healing from an illness?

    It feels like the only approach I haven't tried.

    I'm trying not to focus on weight here - I know I can lose weight easily, but dropping calories is not sustainable long term. I'm hoping that this will reset my metabolism to eat a higher volume of food.

    The plan:

    Basically follow Matt Stone's refeeding diet:

    *Eat at least 3k cal a day of unrefined foods. High in carbs, fat and protein.

    *Stone says not to do any exercise, but I don't feel that's right for me right now. I have lots of energy so I'm going to exercise when I want to. A range of physical activity: swimming, yoga, sprinting, cycling, walking, playing in my local playground. I believe variety is the key to good body composition for me. Plus I need variety or I get bored.

    *Sleep and chill as much as possible.

    *Body brushing twice a day. My circulation is shit. My feet and bum are perpetually cold, and I generally wear at least four layers of clothing. Body brushing should help with that.

    *Start taking supplements. Alfalfa, Vit D, Calcium, Chromium.

    The Stats

    I'm 5'8, and currently 133 lbs, which is about 10 lbs more than what I usually weigh. Since starting Primal I gained about 16 lbs - most of it in Dec-Jan (you can read how here here), and in the last few weeks I lost 7 of those lbs without noticing.

    From here on in I'll:

    - Weigh and measure myself once a week.

    - Take my basal body temp every morning (for my reference: converter Celsius to Fahrenheiht )... Once I buy a thermometer!

    - Track my calories... vaguely.

    The food:

    A fusion of Paleo and Ray Peat, with some anti-orthorexia Matt Stone thrown in. Heavier on meat than Peat would advise, and including pure refined sugar, which Paleo considers the devil, but Peat believes is a good supplement for thyroid. Bone broth, white potatoes, sea food, red meat (lamb and beef), eggs, any fruit and veg I want (a lot of mangos, nectarines, bananas, carrots), white sugar (in my tea), coconut (water and oil) and olive oil. And rice because I love it so Minimal dairy: a bit of low fat milk (Ray Peat) in my tea and coffee, occasional yogurt, maybe a tiny bit of cheese sometimes.

    To conclude:

    I've had a lot of successes with changing my diet, so I'm hopeful at the outset. At any rate, it will be interesting to see what my real metabolism is, as I have no idea any more. (I come from a family of lean people, but half of us have eating disorders...!)

    If this experiment can cure an ED and allow me to be my natural body weight it will be a bonus. No, it will feel like a miracle.

    anais nin.jpg
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-26-2013 at 02:28 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  4. #4
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    Entry One

    I'm really hoping that this isn't a case of writing three posts in one day, then abandoning the project. You know, the kind of thing I normally do I have four unfinished novels, and two unfinished films sitting around my in subconscious, ha.

    Nobody reads these things anyway, do they?

    I've been doing this experiment on and off for a while, but I was afraid of the weight gain and ended up cycling calories. (My story up to this point is here, halfway down the page: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...d79235-32.html) I decided to commit to it about a week ago.

    So far I havent put on any weight, and the most amazing thing is that I'm sleeping!!! For the first time in nine years, I'm consistently getting at least seven hours. I've been going to bed at 11 and sleeping til 6.30. Yesterday I slept til 8am: nine hours!!! What a result. It's early days though - it's only been a week.

    The irony of this first post is that yesterday I got up and I actually couldn't face eating. I've been eating so much food lately and I'm kind of sick of it..! So I had no breakfast, but I did bung half a lambs leg into the slow cooker to make lamb broth.

    Exercise: 90 mins of Yoga, listening to the amazing Nils Frahm and I was shocked at how much stronger I am. Could hold certain poses for a lot longer than normal. I don't do those long yoga sessions enough these days, but every time I do them I remember how much I love to practice.

    Brunch: two eggs fried in coconut oil, one orange. I still couldn't face much food.!

    More exercise: Taught a three hour yoga workshop, which went amazingly.

    Dinner: Broth with a big chunk of lamb in it but only half a potato. I just don't like potatoes! They're the one food I have zero interest in. I wonder if it's cos' I od'ed on them growing up, or if it's cos' my body doesn't need them? Should I eat them if I don't like them?

    Had plans to continue the healing buzz by going for a swim and going to bed early, but one of my best friends got dumped by her boyfriend, so of course we ended up each drinking a bottle of red wine and crying in our local pub, ha Luckily the wine made me hungry, so I ate more broth and lamb when I came home. Even managed a few potatoes!

    All-in-all I ate the whole half leg (is that gross?) so with the wine etc. I must have reached 3k cals. It was a lower carb day, but that hasn't been the norm. I reckon it's fine to mix things up anyway - so long as I'm listening to my body.

    The only disconcerting thing is that some of my hair fell out yesterday. That hasn't happened to me in ages. Last week every single one of my nails broke. That's never happened to me. But I'm hoping that this is the result of something I did a month ago, rather than a few days ago.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-26-2013 at 02:29 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #5
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    Entry 2

    Sleep:
    A measly four hours... a direct result of the large red wine consumption. Always happens when I drink wine. Though my usual sleeping time isn't much more than that - I usually hit five hours, which is why I'm adoring the extra sleep from eating so much.

    Exercise:
    Really wanted to sprint, but it was raining, so did HIIT skipping (that's "jump rope" to the Yanks ) in my living room! Twenty seconds on, twenty seconds off for eight skips. Did some gentle yoga too. I'm loving how much energy I have.

    Food:
    Bananas, a load of rice, thai green curry, prawns, mussles, calamari, lamb broth, potatoes, avocado, carrots, four cans of coconut water, raspberries, natural yogurt, honey, an orange...
    ---------

    And at the end of the day:

    I'm feeling a bit scared about the weight gain. It seems like all the extra food is going straight to my breasts and my stomach. Although according to eh measuring tape I'm still the same, but this weight is still so much higher than my normal weight. When I taught yoga yesterday I felt like a fat yoga teacher... the humanity! My friends say I've got body dysmorphia. I guess I probably do, cos' I'm never happy with any weight I am.

    I noticed today that when I got out of a yoga pose my toes had turned blue!!! That can't be a sign of good circulation. My toes and bum are still cold all the time, but I'm hoping that the brushing will help. On the upside, my skin is feeling really soft. Whoop!

    Going to have some more broth before bed: I usually don't sleep well when I'm hungover either.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-26-2013 at 02:29 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Entry 2

    Sleep last night was a measly four hours... a direct result of the large red wine consumption. Always happens when I drink wine. Though my usual sleeping time isn't much more than that - I usually hit five hours, which is why I'm adoring the extra sleep from eating so much.
    Wine does that to me too. I always try to remind people that they can live twice as long without eating as they can without sleeping. Putting all our emphasis on eating is a mistake.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Exercise - really wanted to sprint, but it was raining, so did HIIT skipping (that's "jump rope" to the Yanks ) in my living room! Twenty seconds on, twenty seconds off for eight skips. Did some gentle yoga too. I'm loving how much energy I have.
    Only counts as HIIT if you did double-unders.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Food today was bananas, a load of rice, thai green curry, prawns, mussles, calamari, lamb broth, potatoes, avocado, carrots, four cans of coconut water, raspberries, natural yogurt, honey, an orange...
    You're hanging out with Derpy too much. He's funny, but you need to eat several more pounds of meat than this.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I'm feeling a bit scared about the weight gain. It seems like all the extra food is going straight to my breasts and my stomach. Although according to eh measuring tape I'm still the same, but this weight is still so much higher than my normal weight. When I taught yoga yesterday I felt like a fat yoga teacher... the humanity! My friends say I've got body dysmorphia. I guess I probably do, cos' I'm never happy with any weight I am.
    You should throw out all your mirrors for at least a couple months. Let your body recover from the years of underfeeding.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I noticed today that when I got out of a yoga pose my toes had turned blue!!! That can't be a sign of good circulation. My toes and bum are still cold all the time, but I'm hoping that the brushing will help. On the upside, my skin is feeling really soft. Whoop!

    Going to have some more broth before bed: I usually don't sleep well when I'm hungover either.
    Cold toes and bum aren't your problem, they're the problem of whomever you share your bed with. I always sleep better when I have some gelatin or broth before bed. (Uh-oh, maybe I've been reading too many of Derpy's posts!)

  7. #7
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    Contents (of Journalled Fads):

    ♣ ♣ ♣


    ♣ First fad: Women who Eat A Ton without gaining (E.A.T), Pages 1 - 26.

    ♣ Second fad: Restoring body temperature (R.B.T), Pages 27 - 47.

    ♣ Third Fad: Fuck the Fads, Pages 48 - Current.


    ♣ ♣ ♣
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-26-2013 at 02:28 PM.

  8. #8
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    Thanks for the PM, i wish you tons of luck with this and will be sure to check in.

    I dont think you should measure yourself daily in any way. Once a week is plenty since you really cant gain or loss all that much in a day and checking daily will just fuel your ED tendencies. You should also really take weekly picture so if you feel that your all fat again (like yoga class) you can refer to the pics. You could also post them so unbiased people could offer their opinion.

    Secondly, dont eat a food you dont like. At the very least, never force down a food that will make you not enjoy the meal. Switch the potatoes out for rice if that would make you happier. Billions of asians eat it at every meal. Yes its not as nutrient dense but you will be fine.

    Keep at it, this stuff really does take time. 2 weeks to a month will not be long enough to fully heal. Keep track of times you feel the best and worst and keep tweaking your diet to feel better. Timing, macro ratios, fluid intake, etc all effect how you will feel at certain times and it takes awhile to get that in thne with your body to know what it really wants. You dont always have to eat a balanced meal, if sometimes you feel like a big mono meal of lamb or nectarines, go for it. Dont limit yourself in any way to what you think you are supposed to do, learn to go by what your body feels is right at that moment. Think of the nutrition you get in a week, not every meal or every day.

  9. #9
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    "Nobody reads these things anyway, do they?"

    Apparently they do I'm subscribing to yours and will be a reader and usually silent cheerleader for you.

    Where are the wrinkles you mentioned, on your face? Coconut oil is a great night time moisturizer for your face. I'm doing salt baths followed by cold showers every day (yep every day) and the difference in my skin (along with the brushing) is amazing so far. I kind of can't believe it.

    This - How to Eliminate Cellulite Forever - InfoBarrel - Step 2. That's my salt bath and cold shower. I follow it with coconut oil everywhere!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zach View Post
    Thanks for the PM, i wish you tons of luck with this and will be sure to check in.

    I dont think you should measure yourself daily in any way. Once a week is plenty since you really cant gain or loss all that much in a day and checking daily will just fuel your ED tendencies. You should also really take weekly picture so if you feel that your all fat again (like yoga class) you can refer to the pics. You could also post them so unbiased people could offer their opinion.

    Secondly, dont eat a food you dont like. At the very least, never force down a food that will make you not enjoy the meal. Switch the potatoes out for rice if that would make you happier. Billions of asians eat it at every meal. Yes its not as nutrient dense but you will be fine.

    Keep at it, this stuff really does take time. 2 weeks to a month will not be long enough to fully heal. Keep track of times you feel the best and worst and keep tweaking your diet to feel better. Timing, macro ratios, fluid intake, etc all effect how you will feel at certain times and it takes awhile to get that in thne with your body to know what it really wants. You dont always have to eat a balanced meal, if sometimes you feel like a big mono meal of lamb or nectarines, go for it. Dont limit yourself in any way to what you think you are supposed to do, learn to go by what your body feels is right at that moment. Think of the nutrition you get in a week, not every meal or every day.
    Cheers for all the advice Zach! You're right - I should really ditch the measuring tape... it doesn't help. I'm just scared that the weight is going to creep on to me. I found a way I can enjoy potatoes - drowned in coconut milk and salt They taste pretty good. I'm reluctant to eat as much rice as I want as it's one of those foods I feel a bit addicted to, and I don't really want to lean on it too heavily while I'm doing this exercise in madness...

    Thanks for the support

    Quote Originally Posted by little vase View Post
    "Nobody reads these things anyway, do they?"

    Apparently they do I'm subscribing to yours and will be a reader and usually silent cheerleader for you.

    Where are the wrinkles you mentioned, on your face? Coconut oil is a great night time moisturizer for your face. I'm doing salt baths followed by cold showers every day (yep every day) and the difference in my skin (along with the brushing) is amazing so far. I kind of can't believe it.

    This - How to Eliminate Cellulite Forever - InfoBarrel - Step 2. That's my salt bath and cold shower. I follow it with coconut oil everywhere!
    Aw, thanks LV

    Yeah, the wrinkles are on my face. They literally started forming overnight after I started using OCM. It really damaged my skin, so I'm wary of using Coconut oil on my face... I'm doing facial brushing (in addition to body brushing), salt baths (only once a week) and taking alfalfa supplements. I'm also looking into copper peptides. You're right about the cold showers though - I'll have to add that in

    Are you noticing a difference on just your body or your face too? I don't know if it's the salt baths or the brushing, or that I've put on weight, but I used to have some lines on my chest and I noticed today that they've completely vanished! Though I'm assuming it's the weight gain...
    Last edited by YogaBare; 09-25-2013 at 04:10 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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