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Thread: This is not a lobe song page 85

  1. #841
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    diene is offline Senior Member
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    Hmmm, I prefer root beer. There is a time and place for coke, but I don't like coke floats as much.

  2. #842
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    Try switching the coke with root beer then in that recipe. Can try heavy whipping cream too!
    Time is passing so quickly. Right now, I feel like complaining to Einstein. Whether time is slow or fast depends on perception. Relativity theory is so romantic. And so sad.

  3. #843
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    That's amazing news on being binge-free! I read so many accounts of people developing binging problems when they go low carb... Did you have a binging tendency before? You know, all my ED problems started when I turned 18 and started modelling. I was naturally skinny, but decided that being vegetarian would help me drop more weight. Queue binging.

    Forever I blamed the modelling, or various emotional issues that I had, but now I'm sure it was the restriction of an entire food group. When I went low carb the binging was the worst it's ever been, which leads me to believe that carbs are a more important macro nutrient for me that protein.
    Well, ever since late in high school when I wanted to fit in with the cool crowd and all that dating nonsense crap I would literally starve myself then binge once or twice a week. Anyway, I did look good for a while then I'd say "screw it" and return back to my chubby self. So, yeah. This crazy cycle on and off throughout my entire adulthood. As you also have experienced, VLC doesn't help with that either. Right now I'm in "screw it" mode once again, but YaY!!!! I'm still I wouldn't say thin, but not at all chubby and no more starvation and binging. It's pretty awesome. Ha, this is the first time ever I've talked about my past unhealthy eating patterns or was in an ED?

    You seem to be doing quite well yourself. I hope all that (oh how confusing) hormonal stuff sorts itself out very soon.

    And eat your taters, peeled and all. I thought you were Irish. JK

  4. #844
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    Quote Originally Posted by Graycat View Post
    Well, ever since late in high school when I wanted to fit in with the cool crowd and all that dating nonsense crap I would literally starve myself then binge once or twice a week. Anyway, I did look good for a while then I'd say "screw it" and return back to my chubby self. So, yeah. This crazy cycle on and off throughout my entire adulthood. As you also have experienced, VLC doesn't help with that either. Right now I'm in "screw it" mode once again, but YaY!!!! I'm still I wouldn't say thin, but not at all chubby and no more starvation and binging. It's pretty awesome. Ha, this is the first time ever I've talked about my past unhealthy eating patterns or was in an ED?

    You seem to be doing quite well yourself. I hope all that (oh how confusing) hormonal stuff sorts itself out very soon.

    And eat your taters, peeled and all. I thought you were Irish. JK
    Did you used to have a pic of yourself as your avatar? If so, I remember you have a lovely figure with great body comp!

    I agree - there's absolutely no substitute for the liberation from the binge-starve cycle of hell. And I actually think we can get the bodies we want, if we do it the right way. Gradually, with patience! I also find the journalling really helpful, and it makes me keep things in check.

    Thanks for sharing that personal info about yourself. I'm a huge supporter of talking about these things! I don't agree with the therapy culture necessarily as it fragments the mind too much from the rest of the body, but I think talking about things and understanding your actions and emotions is incredibly powerful and helps us to let go in the long term. Awareness is the most crucial tool for life.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #845
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    Entry Twenty Three


    Writing from yesterday.

    Sleep:
    Ten and half hours, as covered

    Food / Hunger / Cravings:
    Well, today was another little breakthrough in that, for the first time I can remember, I forgot to eat lunch! I was going into town for 2, and would be out til at least 5. Normally I would make sure that I'd eaten before hand, but at 2pm I was already out and realised I hadn't eaten! Even my mum commented that it was not like me "to miss lunch!" It ended up being a low cal day.

    9.30am - Breakfast: raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, goat's milk yogurt, 100gz cottage cheese. Glass of fresh OJ.
    12.00pm - Snack: Cube (bite size) of homemade cheese case. Glass of OJ.
    6.00pm - Dinner: Four meatballs in mushroom sauce, half glass of OJ.

    Fluids:
    3 large coffees with milk, two tea w/ milk and sugar.

    Cravings:
    Sugar (a little).

    Supps:
    None (left them in UK).

    Energy and mood:
    Felt good! Also, I realised something. I've had chronic, severe depression for so much of my life, that I didn't realise that when I wasn't severely depressed I still had a low, underlying level of depression. A lack of enthusiasm, a feeling of dread, a sense of hopelessness. Yesterday, I noticed that feeling for the first time. I can feel it detaching from my psyche. Probably with more awareness, I can guide it away from there.

    I knew that my ED was ruining my life, but I didn't realise the extent that malnourishment / obsessing about food and my weight was impacting me.

    Body:
    Water retention: not terrible .
    Sinus: Eyes were streaming today.
    Skin: Good!
    Rosacea: Got very flushed after push ups.
    Lips: Peeled.
    Digestion: healthy.
    Temperature: Good.

    Stress:
    Completely unrelated to anything and more personal in nature: I'm writing this on the morning before my friend's wedding. I'm actually dreading going. I want to be happy and excited about seeing all my old friends, but this is a bunch of people who I spent my twenties taking drugs and partying with. I kind of separated myself from them because I wanted to do other things, and they still like getting fucked up. These are such awkward people that I usually have to get out-of-my-mind drunk to feel comfortable with them.

    Two more things. The last time we were all together was a year ago, when one of us died. Also, being 31, single, with absolutely no prospects, weddings are always tough. I love seeing people in love, but it's bitter sweet cos' it reminds me of what I'm missing. I never thought I'd still be single at this age, but I'm stuck in this rut and can't seem to open myself up to being in a relationship.

    Anyway, trying to keep positive about it, but I wish I didn't have to go
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #846
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    *frolics through, throwing flowers and blowing bubbles*

    It warms my heart to keep seeing all of these ED improvements. Leaving food, eating cake, realizing that "bad" foods really aren't that bad. It's liberating.

    Re: potatoes, they can be very toxic. I used to have reactions to even non sprouted potato skins (fever, quasi narcolepsy). I think I still don't tolerate them well, but sprouted potatoes are a big no no.

    Re: nourishment and depression, it's a chicken or egg argument (and maybe a vicious cycle) but undernourishment can definitely impact mental health. You may have had issues before your ED or not, but chronically under eating, eating crap foods, etc. will make things worse.
    Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

  7. #847
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    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    *frolics through, throwing flowers and blowing bubbles*

    It warms my heart to keep seeing all of these ED improvements. Leaving food, eating cake, realizing that "bad" foods really aren't that bad. It's liberating.
    Thank you x

    Quote Originally Posted by CiKi90 View Post
    And I see you growing and moving further away from your eating disorder each and every day! I am so happy for you, it's truly a beautiful thing.

    Do you think that you became aware of low-level depression yesterday due to the low calorie intake/skipping lunch, or was it maybe because of your friend's wedding?
    Thanks Ci Actually, I became aware of the low level depression when I realised two days ago that it was gone! See, one of the reasons depression arises is when you suppress loads of emotions due to fear of feeling pain. When you do this, you suppress the good and bad feelings, leading to a general depressed state.

    (Depression and anxiety are similar in that regard, but with anxiety all emotions {positive and negative} get piled together, intensified and are interpreted as anxiety.)

    Over the last few months I've become increasingly sensitive to variations in my mood and emotions, so now instead of feeling a low level of numbness, I can feel specific flashes of stress / dread / excitement etc.

    I am so freaked out about how similar all of our wavelengths are sometimes. YB and I got severely sick for a short period of time, so watch out for that Ombat! Also, you just went to a wedding, YB has to attend a wedding today, and I'm going to one next week! Soo so so crazy.
    Ha - I know! Funny that we joked about it a few weeks ago when we all started feeling sore at the same time! Without being to spiritual about it, I do believe that we're all connected.

    Re: the wedding... That is tough to deal with, to try and fit into a group that you've simply grown out of. Weddings,in general, can be odd to deal with when everyone has gone their separate ways. I dont have much experience with going to weddings, but I do know how it feels to be out of place at a friendly get-together. You should just be glad to have the experience and happy that you decided to pave your own path! And, the bit about you being single: I really believe that it would have been much harder to make progress in your mental and physical health the way that you have recently if you had to worry about being in a relationship as well. The good part is, is that now that you've got your life so much more under control, finding a good man will be much more likely. Not to mention, if you're coming over here to the US for a visit, you'll lure in all the cute boys with your accent! lol
    Oh, I was being a bit negative yesterday. It's a large group of friends (about 30 of us) and most of them are really amazing, beautiful people that I love. I really only have issues with one bitchy girl, and two exes (it was an incestuous group ) but my problem is focusing too much on the negatives. Actually yesterday was okay: the girl was still bitchy and it stung a bit, but one of my exes wasn't so cagey with me as usual, and I had a nice catch-up with the other one.

    You're totally right, and actually last December I decided to stop dating because it was too stressful. Now I'm opening up again because I've developed the self-respect, and self-love that a romantic relationship is doomed without. It's hard to be patient though. It feels out of my control, which is frustrating. It's partially because of fear I'm still holding back, and I know I have to let go to fall through the unknown, but it's also logistics and not meeting someone suitable, but then they say you have to be open for that to happen.

    Thanks for caring <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #848
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    Entry Twenty Four


    The wedding was better than I expected. It was great to see so many old friends, and we had lots of banter and lovely chats. It was also cool to dress up: I wore a sea green 20-inspired dress with a matching bandana. Very Gatsby-esque.

    Before I went, my sister called me, and I cried on the phone. I hate that being single is such a source of pain and frustration for me. Most of the time I just push it out of my mind and carry on with my life, but it gets to a point where I feel completely disillusioned and hopeless about it and then I can't block the feelings any more.

    I actually hate even writing about it, because I'm ashamed to admit that it upsets me, and I'm afraid of being judged, but at the start of this journal I promised myself that I would be totally honest, because I know this brings me freedom and release.

    Anyway, not going to make a proper post today, cos' my sleep and food was all over the place for the last two days.

    Before going to the ceremony I had a decent lunch and a piece of cheesecake, and I was actually really pleased with that, because every single wedding I go to I skip lunch and then end up binging at the wedding.

    While I didn't binge, I ate way more than I should have, and I feel fat and disappointed in myself today. (I know, I know: groundhog day.) I know people overeat all the time on special occasions, but for me it brought up so many feelings of guilt and confusion and fear that I'm never going to lose this weight going at the pace I'm going if I keep indulging like I am.
    I must have had more than 4Kcals yesterday, with all the booze, cake, ice cream, four course meal... seriously. Then today i probably only had 1,600 cals, but I'm extremely bloated and feel like a whale.

    I know that the peace with food is worth a million times more than my weight, and to be fair I actually thought I looked alright. Just the progress is so non-linear and it's hard to give up that control.

    This evening I called over to see a friend who I hadn't seen in two years and who's just broken up with her boyfriend and instantly met someone else. She asked me if I was seeing anyone. What do I say? I start crying again.

    Being asked this, and then having this feeling of pity from people when I say no, is the worst part. I know it's a normal question, and a normal reaction (people want you to be happy, and they feel bad when you're not with someone) but every question is like cheap refined salt in the gooey wound. I know I can survive and thrive without a partner, but I can't break the idea that I need a partner because seriously, I need someone to shag, and I need someone to share my life with. There's so much beauty that I want to express with another person, and so many special moments that you only have with that special someone. There's an itch that can't be scratched without a partner. I feel guilty for saying all this cos' I feel like it's unPC in some way, or not modern (people are independent, blah.blah,blah) but I don't need to be single to be independent.

    Here's a topic that makes me cringe - what do you guys think about the idea of soul mates? When I talked to my sister and my friend it came up. I don't believe there's just one person for anyone, but since we talked I'm starting to think differently. If it's so hard to meet someone, then maybe there is just one person for everyone.

    And on a very practical note: I actually had a thought that maybe my oestrogen had risen a bit, cos' I got really red exercising, and then had all these emotional outbursts. Fun and games
    Last edited by YogaBare; 05-26-2013 at 03:54 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  9. #849
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    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    I think there are lots of possible someones for each of us. I also think the real work is keeping a relationship going (speaking as someone married 11 years now, not all of them happy). Meeting lots of new people helps in the finding, but not so much in the keeping. Being happy in yourself is the best possible way to be ready to be happy with someone else, too.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  10. #850
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    Don't feel poorly about your desire for a mate. We all benefit from sharing our lives with someone, and if you don't happen to be ridiculously, absurdly close with others (I'm not saying that you aren't, I just don't know how much of yourself you share with your friends, family) then of course it is understandable that you would feel a need for a partner. I really do live in my own little la-la land where I am open with everyone I meet and treat everyone like my lover, but I know that one day I will feel similarly. Or I will meet someone, yada yada. And I'm glad that you did have positive experiences at the wedding.

    I do believe in soul mates, but I don't believe you have just one and I don't believe that a soul mate is necessarily romantic. I have a friend of 5 years who I consider a soul mate. He was interested in me years ago but I was having my own issues so nothing advanced, but to this day we have something that cannot be broken. It's difficult to explain - I know I usually have words for this crap - but it's an understanding that goes deeper than words. Pretty beautiful.

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