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  1. #2301
    Nivanthe's Avatar
    Nivanthe is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    It's interesting that you say that, because I had a realisation earlier that this is part of my pattern in relationships. I walk on egg shells because I think the guy is withdrawing and I dont want to "scare him off", and then I reach complete exasperation and break up with him. The only reason I've had a five year relationship is because the guy literally wouldnt take accept any break-up attempts

    It's easier for me to break up with someone and be alone than to express how I feel.

    I actually wrote you a huge repsonse and then I realised that I didnt want to dump it all on you, so it's below for whoever to respond to
    Haha I wouldn't mind but I don't have much to add, it sounded solid to me! And definitely something you should consider approaching with him. It seems like both of you are 'sensing' things and not sure how to respond to each other.

    Maybe with something as simple as, "You may have noticed the last few weeks that [insert something here]" or "I was having a bit of a hard time earlier, and I'm fine now, but you deserve to know why..."

    I'm still my own work in progress, a few weeks ago I went back to almost walking on eggshells, and then remembered that's not the way I should be doing things. Habits are hard to break!

  2. #2302
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Hulky doesn't look in mirrors much so he's pretty open to having his hair/facial hair anyway I want. Though he did have a mohawk for a bit a few years ago. That was fun. He had to style that himself because I didn't want to hurt him. He got really good at it, but I don't think either of us want to deal with the upkeep again . I still miss mine sometimes.

    I was being selfish because I was wanting a lot from him and not really giving him anything in return. This article kind of explains what I'm talking about Marriage Isn’t For You | Seth Adam Smith. Maintaining a loving & supportive relationship isn't easy and I was waiting for something to change without realizing that I had to do that. Nothing was particularly bad, but I wasn't being very supportive of Hulky in some ways and hadn't realized it. I started being a passive aggressive jerk about something on Friday, he fought with me to get me to calm down enough to actually tell him what was bothering me. He laid it out for me, I felt awful and cried (because that's how I respond to stress), got really depressed for a night, and then started to try and fix things. Things are better right now and I just hope I can keep it up. My fears of regression are tied up in a fear of losing him. I'm afraid that if I mess up, there won't be any way to make up for it because it's not just affecting me.
    I liiiike facial hair... stubble is seriously hot

    I think the fear that a partner is going to leave is as the core of many relationships, and the sooner you toss it, the better the relationship gets. I probably cant compare my relationship to anything, because it's still so new, but I know that what fucked up my relationships in the past was this fear of abandonment. From the moment I got together with YG that fear resurfaced. But the difference this time is that I now value myself as a worthy person, so when I thought of reasons he might leave me... there werent any. (It helps as well that he makes me feel like the most beautiful and interesting woman he's ever met ) But still the fear was there.

    Then I stared it down. I realised that I didnt want to be in a relationship where I was trapping someone into loving me. I kind of let go, and in my head gave him the freedom to leave whenever he wants. I really believe that "of you set a bird free, and it comes back to you, it was always yours to keep". I tried to do that at teh start with the "open relationship" status, but I realised that setting someone free is sometimes just setting them free in your head. Not behaving in a way that you think will help you keep them. Holding the relationship lightly.

    It's easier said than done, and that's what I want to talk to YG about. I want him to feel free, and I want him to be able to tell me if I ever slip up and start trying to cage him. Likewise, I want to be able to tell him if I feel he's trying to control me emotionally. Doing those things doesnt make us bad people... it just makes us people

    Quote Originally Posted by Nivanthe View Post
    Haha I wouldn't mind but I don't have much to add, it sounded solid to me! And definitely something you should consider approaching with him. It seems like both of you are 'sensing' things and not sure how to respond to each other.

    Maybe with something as simple as, "You may have noticed the last few weeks that [insert something here]" or "I was having a bit of a hard time earlier, and I'm fine now, but you deserve to know why..."

    I'm still my own work in progress, a few weeks ago I went back to almost walking on eggshells, and then remembered that's not the way I should be doing things. Habits are hard to break!
    I hear you... My post above to Nameless might have some pertinence for you too. I'm still not sure how I'll bring things up, but I'll keep you posted on how things go
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #2303
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    Thursday, 7th Nov

    I've been ignoring my gut health for the last two months, but it's time to admit... my gut is a mess

    It's been particularly bad for the last week... really bloated, and havent been able to poop. I dont know if it's from stress, or from eating too many dates, but I'm realising how much my gut affects my energy levels. I've been sleeping a lot this last week, and I havent had teh energy or will to exercise. (Apart from walking, I haven't done anything since last Thursday. Maybe I needed a week off...)

    Anyway, I just bought a load of juice (orange, cherry, grape, cranberry). I'll have mostly liquid meals for the next few days.

    Just came back from lunch with YG. After all my wondering about how I was going to talk about my feelings, it happened easily. I told him I'd realised I'd been mega-stressed for the last while, and that a lot of it had been due to opening up to a new person, and learning to trust again. He said he was really glad that I have. He admitted that he's found it stressful too, but that the stress was overshadowed by how great it's been.

    And that was it. It was so easy!

    Now that I think of it: all our "deep" conversations have happened whilst walking down the street... It gives them less weight, which is good. I'm just going to express my feelings from now on - it's so nice to be bare like that, and I realise now that it doesnt have to be heavy. I can bring up anything, if it's done in the right way. I guess the trick is to resolve it first in your own head, so you're not bringing it up as an issue you need to discuss.

    In other news, it's my birthday on Monday, and I havent mentioned it to him. I have a hang up about birthdays and bfs. I dont want him to feel pressure to do something with me, or get me a gift, when he may not feel ready. I think gestures of love should be natural and spontaneous; not attributed to particular dates or events.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 11-07-2013 at 09:23 AM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  4. #2304
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    This is possibly the worst my gut has ever been. 90% bloat... and it hurts No idea what I should eat tonight.



    Also, havent taken my morning heart rate lately, but on a daily basis I can feel it's increased A LOT. Right now I'm just sitting around browsing tinternet and it's 75bmp. There was a stage where it was 58...
    Last edited by YogaBare; 11-07-2013 at 11:57 AM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #2305
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    Ouch! Do what you gotta to get that poop out Can you get cascara sagrada? I think that's a Peat recommended thing. I haven't tried it myself because I'm under the impression that it's the same thing as senna (in a lot of those constipation-relief teas) and that gives me bad stomach cramps.

    I'm sure you will feel better once things get moving again!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  6. #2306
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    I've been a little bloated and not as regular this week too. The bloat doesn't bother me as much as feeling "heavy" does. I'm not eating any meat today, just dairy (milk + cottage cheese), sugar and fruit in hope it will alleviate the situation.
    Do prunes ever work for you?

    I'm glad you had an easy and productive talk with YG today.

    Easy and simple should be my middle names....oh wait, never mind

  7. #2307
    YogaBare's Avatar
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    Thanks guys

    Nameless, I havent tried it. Derp keeps telling me to, but I have IBS-CD, and I'm afraid taking it will just push me in the other direction.

    Gray, prunes have the opposite effect on me!! My gut cant tolerate a lot of fibre. I'm pretty sure I'm in this mess because of all the dates I've been eating ;-(

    Don't know if it's related, but for the first time in MONTHS, I was craving junk food yesterday.

    In other news, I just read this crazy article about sugar: Pouring granulated sugar on wounds 'can heal them faster than antibiotics' | Mail Online
    Last edited by YogaBare; 11-07-2013 at 02:40 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #2308
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    Well, I doubt it's going to trigger an avalanche of poop. Just the one time, maybe :-p. Right now, just focus on immediate relief. You don't have to keep taking it, just get things going.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  9. #2309
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    Hi! I just came across your journal and obviously I did not read all the pages yet but I wanted to ask you about your binging issues. Did you find Peat helpful in this respect. I have been dealing horrible PMS binges. I have been eating LC for over a year and starting to think that LC might be making me more prone to binging. Whatever I lose first half of my cycle with LC I gain it back during PMS. I can't stop binging on carbs. It makes me feel really bad. Thanks for suggestions you may have!

  10. #2310
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    Quote Originally Posted by moon7 View Post
    Hi! I just came across your journal and obviously I did not read all the pages yet but I wanted to ask you about your binging issues. Did you find Peat helpful in this respect. I have been dealing horrible PMS binges. I have been eating LC for over a year and starting to think that LC might be making me more prone to binging. Whatever I lose first half of my cycle with LC I gain it back during PMS. I can't stop binging on carbs. It makes me feel really bad. Thanks for suggestions you may have!
    Hey Moon Glad you dropped in!

    Peat has helped hugely with BED. My recovery period was quite protracted because I had such a long habit of binging (13 years) and a lot of body hate issues. I spent three months allowing myself to eat as much real food as I wanted, and that helped with the psychological issues, but I was still getting cravings and overeating frequently.

    Then I started on Peat and allowed myself to eat fruit, sugar and dairy (which is what I mostly wanted and craved). In the past I forced myself to eat what I believed to be healthy, but as soon as I started listened to my body, the cravings ended, and teh the binging completely disappeared.

    It makes me sad to read so many people struggling with low carb and binging because I know the solution is so simple... just eat carbs. Not refined junk obviously - but fruit, honey, maple syrup, white sugar are all pure energy. Dairy is magic too, if you can tolerate it. Dark chocolate is also good. Some people go for ice cream, but I limit it.

    How long have you been binging for?
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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