My parents and grandparents consistently got after me for "worrying." If I talked about anything other than idle chatter, I was worrying. I learned to bottle it up. I eventually found friends that were willing to talk other than hype and chatter, that were willing to talk over the deep (and sometimes/ a lot of times dark) stuff running through my/ our heads. I found a husband willing and able to bounce back and forth on the two with me.
I was well trained to put forward a happy, personable face, and disregard what I thought or felt. It screwed me up pretty bad. I think too many folks our age were trained that way.
I can't say slipping into anxiety or depression now and again are "regression." Even with all my forward movement in those departments, I still will have my down moments/ days. Those are my cue to sit/ feel/ think and analyze, figure out what I'm not acknowledging that needs to come forward. There are days where all I want is to curl up n the couch and cry my brains out. I make myself do whatever is on the docket for that day, and then I let myself do it. Usually, that lets out whatever demon is plaguing me.
Re: pathetic- no, you aren't. It takes a certain bravery to face your past and your demons, and a larger still dose to do it online. I respect you for that. You've faced down demons I couldn't imagine even looking in the eye. I applaud and admire you for that.