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Thread: This is not a lobe song page 228

  1. #2271
    YogaBare's Avatar
    YogaBare is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    I like directness. That said, I have to be able to respond with directness. My current wife is great about that. She appreciates honesty even if she does not like the answer. My ex - not so much. I had to couch everything in ways as to not hurt her feelings. Frankly, I'd rather not bother. Of course, how much space do you need? is not easy for me to answer. Basically it came down to "You know when I need space. Give it to me."

    Frankly, it sounds as if the dude is unsure what a safe response is. He has to be comfortable knowing you wont flip a psycho switch if he says the wrong thing. That or he is going to stay indirect in which case you should probably drop his ass now.

    TL;DR be direct but be sure he knows you want directness too.
    Me and him have talked about directness before, and I've been very direct about a few things, which he's really appreciated. I think you're right that he's trying to be sensitive towards me about some stuff - like for eg. I know that he doesnt like staying over, but he hasnt said anything because obviously gfs in the past thought it was weird that he wanted to sleep alone. I would prefer he slept alone than got crabby with me because he had a bad night's sleep. He doesnt realise that we're more-or-less on the same page about this anyway... if I lived with a partner again I would want my own bedroom.

    Perhaps the best thing to do is to bring up how if we both want the relationship to develop (which we said we do) we probably need to start being more direct with each other. It's been great until now that we could just go with the flow and it was effortless, but I guess as we're becoming closer we need to understand each other better if we want things to keep being easy...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  2. #2272
    canio6's Avatar
    canio6 Guest
    A relationship based on direct and open communication. Sounds great to me. I hope it works out for you both.

  3. #2273
    Leida's Avatar
    Leida is offline Senior Member
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    My money is on the 'it will come in time'. It's part of two people growing into a couple
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  4. #2274
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    A relationship based on direct and open communication. Sounds great to me. I hope it works out for you both.
    Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Leida View Post
    My money is on the 'it will come in time'. It's part of two people growing into a couple
    Really? That's reassuring to read. This level of anxiety feels 1) Unnatural, 2) like it's never going to end...

    Are you saying it's natural and it's going to end?
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #2275
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    After an anxiety-filled day, I have come to a conclusion.

    I know the kind of relationship I want, but in reality, I'm not ready for it.

    I lose myself in relationships... (my own fault), and I'm letting it happen again with YG. I'm losing sight of what I wanted to begin with; I'm repressing my personality and trying not to rock the boat, because I've gotten caught up in this idea of what a relationship should be, but it's not what I really want. I dont want the label; I dont want the companionship. If I'm to be in a relationship with someone it's because I want open and honest communication that fosters personal growth. The way I'm behaving right now is contrary to that goal.

    He pushed for us to see each other more, but I dont think we were ready for it. It's like prematurely trying to force a label on something...

    I would be very sad if he wasnt in my life any more, because I do really care about him, but I need to take a step back again. There's no point in me continuing this way. I need to be able to communicate with him openly - like we did when we were friends, but I feel blocked by both of our expectations and projections.

    Normally having these kind of feelings I would break up with the guy (blame him), but I see what's happening this time. I'm not strong enough in myself to be in a relationship without losing sight of who I am.

    I have a feeling that he is actually on the same page, and I think if we can talk about this it might pave the way for a more honest relationship. This one is exhausting me too much... it cant be right.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 11-04-2013 at 03:03 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #2276
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    Boy, that escalated quickly.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  7. #2277
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    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #2278
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    YB, I know what you mean in being aware of what you need/want in a relationship, but not being ready for it. It may sound odd, but I have felt that way in regards to myself and recovery. I know what needs to happen, but so many times in the past, I haven't been ready for it. These past couple of years, I've really been fighting for myself and making progress.

    Don't lose sight of the journey. It can be hard to see the progress along the way, but don't give up.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  9. #2279
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Wow, that is spot on. I have no personal experience with any kind of abuse, but I can see exactly how this helps. Not making kids give hugs/kisses is one of those things that I really try to enforce with Hulky's niece and nephews. I remember how uncomfortable it made me feel to do those things, even such a seemingly small gesture as that.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  10. #2280
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    YB, I know what you mean in being aware of what you need/want in a relationship, but not being ready for it. It may sound odd, but I have felt that way in regards to myself and recovery. I know what needs to happen, but so many times in the past, I haven't been ready for it. These past couple of years, I've really been fighting for myself and making progress.

    Don't lose sight of the journey. It can be hard to see the progress along the way, but don't give up.
    Thank you. I feel like a crazy woman. I feel like I've regressed in the last few weeks. I wish this all wasnt such a big deal to me...

    I cant sleep. Again
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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