Sunday, 6th October
Firstly, thanks guys, for all the support you gave at the end of last week. You've helped me so much, you have no idea.
I went to the cinema with one of my BFFs last night (we went to see "Blue Jasmine" - it's really good actually!). She reckons that 'this' is surfacing because I have dealt with the other issues that were plaguing me: the ED, the depression, and the inertia around my career and relationships. Now they have significantly shifted, it's revealing what was probably the underlying cause of all of it.
I hung out with YG for most of the day today. It was really nice...
It's alien to me, because usually when I'm dating someone they're kind of all over me (mauling me), but he's not. In fact, mostly he won't instigate kissing me, and he's quite tentative about putting his arm around me, or even touching me unless I touch him first. (The first time we kissed he asked if he could kiss me ) I don't know if this is his usual approach or if I've created this big wall and he's the first man who's sensitive enough to notice it.
Something has changed since last week: I don't want an open relationship anymore.
I have a male friend (lets call him Hook) who I have a lot of sexual attraction with. When I decided open relationships were the way forward, he was the guy on my radar (YG still had the girlfriend), and our contact escalated. I even told YG about him at the time, and said I had my eye on him.
Nothings happened between us, yet, and Hook doesn't know I'm seeing anyone. We're supposed to be going to the theatre this week.
Literally a few minutes after meeting up with YG, we bumped into Hook!!! It was such a weird coincidence. The two men had a stand off (neither of them knew who the other was, but they could sense there was something between us all), and then when we were leaving Hook mentioned the theatre and then invited YG to come... LOL! It was ridiculously awkward.
But... running into him clarified that open relationships are "probably" messy, and maybe building trust with one guy is a good first step for me...
This makes me more anxious however because the open relationship status was a safety net. Since I've been seeing YG I've been on other dates, and they gave me mild reassurance from my anxiety. If I admit that I only want to see him, then I have to face my neurosis that he might decide he doesn't want a relationship and leave me.
I think I just need to keep taking this one step at a time...
Also, weird house situation: me and my housemates are chronically single, but in the last few months we've all gotten together with people. Then, one by one, they all got dumped (the latest dumped one being the alcoholic... this is going to be fun ). I know this sounds crazy, but I believe in energy shifts, and I think my house went through one. Just hoping I don't get implicated in the reversal of the shift...
Wow. I'm really letting the spiritual hippie out these days.
EDIT: Heath: acne disappeared, but energy and mood are still pretty low. Weight gain is still there, and I'm now constipated. wtf happened to me?! I'm barely able to pull myself to work at the moment... I've been sleeping so much and not feeling refreshed. I'm really hoping tomorrow will be a better day energy wise, because I miss being where I was.
Last edited by YogaBare; 10-06-2013 at 02:26 PM.
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat