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Thread: This is not a lobe song page 203

  1. #2021
    Derpamix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    Yes, indeed, absolutely, 100%. Verbal stimulation helps me tremendously. Somewhat skeptical about your no-body-contact-whatsoever-claims, though some women have purported to be able to climax mentally...



    Then what's the point? I think we should all be able to test out your skills...
    Hey man don't put me on the spot like that

    It required a lot of teasing and being in a dangerous position(public for example)
    Time is passing so quickly. Right now, I feel like complaining to Einstein. Whether time is slow or fast depends on perception. Relativity theory is so romantic. And so sad.

  2. #2022
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    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    I, like Turquoise, have experienced letting another man help to heal us in that department and there isn't any shame or weakness in doing so.
    Thanks Bat <3

    You know, that's really interesting. Maybe subconsciously I think I need to do everything myself. My mum has this attitude that she can never rely on a man to help her (her dad was absent and had affairs; my dad was absent and had affairs).

    Do you think that there is any chance that you are avoiding trying to get over your trauma?
    I really don't know... I feel like I'm going backwards right now. But also I just don't thnk me and him were at a point were it was open for discussion. The conversation last weekend opened things up more. Up until now we've just been chugging along...

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    I've faked pleasure but not a full orgasm. I've even faked pleasure in order for a guy to orgasm more quickly to get it over with Oh what we do... .
    Ha - been there! All the times I faked it were purely to take the pressure off, and to protect the man's ego.

    o me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derpamix View Post
    Orgasms for women are almost entirely mental. If you're not in the right state of mind for whatever reason you probably won't climax. I've realized that, and utilize the mental aspect to my advantage because I may not have the most attractive body, but I can get a girl off with my thoughts pretty easily. In fact, currently, I've found I can make her climax with no body contact at all.

    ps Yoga lemme know if you wanna talk it out. No orgasms will be had of course.
    Wow... I'll have to take your word for that!

    And thanks Derp ♥

    ---

    RAGE and stuff.

    Maybe I should start a thread on this I have no idea how to get process this emotion. The only person I feel angry with ever is my mum...

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Trying to release anger always made me feel kind of pathetic. TBH, taking things out on myself was the only way I could relax if I felt upset. Not an advisable treatment method.
    Yes, this. I just can't bring myself to scream into pillows and stuff. It feel inherently wrong to me.

    Ironically, one of the first personal things I told YG was that I had rage issues, LOL.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #2023
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    As much as I would love to broaden the discussion, I think the thread would vanish pretty quickly as most other sex-related threads have.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #2024
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I've felt pressured into having sex with every single guy I've been with. YG is literally the first guy who's given me space. And the thing is that I really desire and want him, but I'm shell shocked by the space he's given me and can't believe that we'll ever have sex.
    Have you considered asking him to talk more specifically about his sexual past, get a sense of what he might be able to "handle" if you choose to share details w/ him? I don't think its a big deal that he's given you that much space, intimacy wise. Maybe he's got a story to share that would open the door for you to know how to broach this w/ him.

    As for intimacy I've never felt having an orgasm was letting go of or giving control over to the man. Particularly since they're just participants in the event, as am I. They get to be there for my la petite mort and I get to be there for theirs. For me a solo orgasm is way different than one w/ my partner. Seismic scale different.

    “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

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  5. #2025
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    The only person I feel angry with ever is my mum...
    ^ I have to say this is really, really pertinent. ^ Have you ever listed the 5 or so descriptives of what she did/does that anger you and see if there are any similarities to the people you've dated? Just curious if you see any overlap.

    “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

    Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

  6. #2026
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    Time difference means I'm very late to this. A few thoughts...sorry for the bullet point nature, but I'm at work and want to get something down before I have to stop...
    *hugs, hugs, hugs*
    Talk to YG. Take it little by little and give *him* time to process each puzzle piece as well as time for you to place them in the correct spot.
    Sexy times don't have to equal penetration. Ever, if need be. Also, taking things sllloooooowwwwwwllllllyyyyy allows both of you to learn each other - we're all special snowflakes when it comes to what we like.
    *hugs, hugs, hugs* What happened to you was awful and in no way your fault and you are not damaged goods.
    Orgasms. Get easier with practice. I too have to think intense thoughts to get me there no matter what my partner is doing...I'm a total pillow princess with my eyes tightly shut and my brow furrowed.
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  7. #2027
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    hey yogabare,

    It seems like you don't feel ready to be intimate w/ yogaguy, and that's okay, even if a few months of dating seem like a long time already. If you guys aren't at the point where you are comfortable to share your past, then maybe the trust isn't there yet, any pressure to have sex is never pleasant. Trust takes time and it's different for everyone, yourself at this point in your life, who the guy is, where he is in his life, etc..

    It may be that you need a guy who can handle more emotional depth than usual (not saying yogaguy can't), but there's nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be able to be there for you. The pool of available guys may be a lot smaller with this 'requirement'.. otherwise, you'd just have to settle or find support outside the relationship.

    Does yogaguy have any clue at all how deep this runs for you? Some of your physical symptoms may stem from this internal conflicts/stress that's going on. It may affect how you interact with him, and he in turn doesn't know what's going on but sense you're different.... sometimes it's all really subtle...

    Anyway, hugs and hope you feel better..

  8. #2028
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    Just woke up face-down on my bed with my contact lenses still in. I think writing about all this exhausted me to the point of coma

    Quote Originally Posted by badgergirl View Post
    Time difference means I'm very late to this. A few thoughts...sorry for the bullet point nature, but I'm at work and want to get something down before I have to stop...
    *hugs, hugs, hugs*
    Talk to YG. Take it little by little and give *him* time to process each puzzle piece as well as time for you to place them in the correct spot.
    Sexy times don't have to equal penetration. Ever, if need be. Also, taking things sllloooooowwwwwwllllllyyyyy allows both of you to learn each other - we're all special snowflakes when it comes to what we like.
    *hugs, hugs, hugs* What happened to you was awful and in no way your fault and you are not damaged goods.
    Orgasms. Get easier with practice. I too have to think intense thoughts to get me there no matter what my partner is doing...I'm a total pillow princess with my eyes tightly shut and my brow furrowed.
    Thank you so much Badger... ❀

    Do you mean I should tell him things little by little?

    I know I'm not "damaged goods" necessarily, but at the same time someone who gets involved with me is not getting a normal, balanced person. I know, I know... who is balanced and normal? I can't shake this idea that I need to be perfect or no one will want me.

    Is it weird that I think of foreplay as juvenile? I'm 31 years old, and he's younger than me (28), I feel like foreplay is for teenagers who are not ready for sex. Lol, which is practically me (except for the age). It just seems like when you get to a certain age it's all or nothing... plus I think of oral sex as equally intimate to full sex...

    Quote Originally Posted by girlhk View Post
    hey yogabare,

    It seems like you don't feel ready to be intimate w/ yogaguy, and that's okay, even if a few months of dating seem like a long time already. If you guys aren't at the point where you are comfortable to share your past, then maybe the trust isn't there yet, any pressure to have sex is never pleasant. Trust takes time and it's different for everyone, yourself at this point in your life, who the guy is, where he is in his life, etc..

    It may be that you need a guy who can handle more emotional depth than usual (not saying yogaguy can't), but there's nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be able to be there for you. The pool of available guys may be a lot smaller with this 'requirement'.. otherwise, you'd just have to settle or find support outside the relationship.

    Does yogaguy have any clue at all how deep this runs for you? Some of your physical symptoms may stem from this internal conflicts/stress that's going on. It may affect how you interact with him, and he in turn doesn't know what's going on but sense you're different.... sometimes it's all really subtle...

    Anyway, hugs and hope you feel better..
    Thanks Girlhk ✡ (you can see I'm looking for alternatives to "<3". It's finally gotten old )

    In a physical sense I desire him and want the sexual intimacy, but on an emotional level I'm not ready at all. Your message really hit home to me: you're right: I deserve a partner who can cope with something like this; otherwise I'm settling. I need someone with the emotional depth to process this, and who cares enough about me to take my hand. You've made me realise that needing someone to be understanding is not the same as expecting them to "fix me". Thank you!!!

    He's quite sensitive, so I think he knows something is up. When we first started seeing each other I told him I took a long break from dating, and when we talked last weekend about my needing to take things slowly he could see what a struggle it was for me to say the words, and he was concerned about me, and about his reaction to me telling him. So thinking about it, it probably wouldn't be a huge shock to him. Even though he seems to think I'm pretty 'together'.

    Quote Originally Posted by spk View Post
    Have you considered asking him to talk more specifically about his sexual past, get a sense of what he might be able to "handle" if you choose to share details w/ him?
    He's the opposite to me when it comes to relationships. He's had a lot of girlfriends, and doesn't have an issue with getting involved with people. He's quite open and naturally trusting, and he likes women. He's the typical kind of "relationship guy" / serial monogamist. He's also kind of a healer-guy: he told me things about ex-girlfriends / female friends having BED, and mentioned one or two exes that he helped work through some issues. Is that the kind of stuff you mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by spk View Post
    ^ I have to say this is really, really pertinent. ^ Have you ever listed the 5 or so descriptives of what she did/does that anger you and see if there are any similarities to the people you've dated? Just curious if you see any overlap.
    She was controlling, manipulative, violent, rejecting, self-sacrificing (in a selfish way). I've tended to go for guys who are the opposite: neglectful, weak, selfish. I've had a major fear of being trapped and controlled.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 10-03-2013 at 04:36 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  9. #2029
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Thank you so much Badger... ❀

    Do you mean I should tell him things little by little?
    I think that little by little or with enough time for the conversation to have breathing room. I think (hope) he will be okay with whatever you choose to tell him, but it is heavy stuff and his first reaction might not be the best one/one he would have liked to have given had he had time to think through his response. I can see the value in prefacing any conversation with sth like 'I have some things that I want to and need to say to you about stuff that happened a long time ago, but that is ripplingly through me now in ways I'm uncomfortable with. Some of this stuff might be difficult for you to hear, some of it you might have figured out already. I would like you to - hold me (or not - whatever you feel you would like him to do)/rub my back/ not look at my eyes - while I share this and - can you hold your questions for a while please. I'll understand if you need some thinking time before you respond.'

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I know I'm not "damaged goods" necessarily, but at the same time someone who gets involved with me is not getting a normal, balanced person. I know, I know... who is balanced and normal? I can't shake this idea that I need to be perfect or no one will want me.
    Ah... You got me. I too have had the 'not normal' fears. I've yet to meet a normal, balanced person though... so I think most of us end up with the abnormal and the unbalanced for a life partner. Perhaps the trick is to find the *right* abnormal and the *right* unbalanced to be your counterweight on this seesaw that we call life (also someone willing to give you bumps on the seat)

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Is it weird that I think of foreplay as juvenile? I'm 31 years old, and he's younger than me (28), I feel like foreplay is for teenagers who are not ready for sex. Lol, which is practically me (except for the age). It just seems like when you get to a certain age it's all or nothing... plus I think of oral sex as equally intimate to full sex...
    Not weird, totally normal. Also, really reductive and a reflection of our hetero-normative patriarchal culture. *Boo-hiss* to the hetero-normative patriarchal culture. Try: talking about what you'd like to try together; Kim's game for grown ups - a tray of things (feather, plush fur, velvet, silk, phial of oil (whatever you want!) take it in turns to choose something and use it to touch the other person's skin; husband loves having his hair (on his head, natch) played with... there are plenty of ways to be intensely intimate that don't involve the same old, same old.

    GOOD LUCK and *HUGE HUGS*
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  10. #2030
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    I can't get off without foreplay, foreplay = most of sex for me. You do whatever works for you though.
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