This whole process fascinates me.
For the last year I've seen my body jump from one gear to another, with this over-exercising being the latest thing I've experimented with. It's remarkable all the things that you learn along the way, and how every stage somehow propels you perfectly into the next. Or at least it works like that when you're open to change. I feel like everything in my life is building on something else.
I don't really care what the trainer said, but it's making it very clear to me that I have major body hate issues that I need to address. I'm better than I was, but I spend an inordinate amount of time with the words "You're fat" going through my head. I can't be logical about it either - I would like to say that I know I'm not borderline overweight (like the PT said) but I don't really believe it.
I'm constantly fighting to have a better body, but the stress from this battle actually eats away at me. In the external fight (the over-exercising) my body ate it's own muscles, in the internal fight my stress levels cause me to over-eat. So I get stuck in this yo-yo cycle, which stems from fighting myself.
In life, I've often pushed as hard as I could, and whenever I've done that, my visions have dissolved like words in water. In the last two months, something changed. I let go. I opened up. I stopped pushing. And "things" started happening. "Things" I've wanted for the longest time suddenly came to me.
And then, unconsciously, I started pushing again. My body knew before I did, and I got the signals through the change in my skin, sleep, arms, eating.
It's time to step back again, and enjoy the process, go with the flow, and stop trying to control.
I have a fantastic job
I have wonderful friends
I make good money
I have exciting romances
I have a great connection with the Universe
I have fun every day
I look good
I feel good
DAMN...this is a good life.