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Thread: This is not a lobe song page 106

  1. #1051
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    I didn't realize you had such serious, deep seated issues with your mom. Your struggles with ED make a lot of sense now. If you grew up constantly being berated for who you were, it stands to reason that you would find it difficult to love yourself and try to change yourself in any way that you could, or in ways that were perceived to be better, or maybe you were even punishing yourself because you believed all of the things she told you. Spending so much time in fear is so harmful. You've been under stress for a great deal of time and will take much to heal. I think you're on the right track with self love.

    Also... I read all of your posts with an accent now... orz

    EDIT: ALSO, I know you are at your highest weight ever, but that doesn't mean you weigh too much. I truly think that you look fantastic. I know that won't change your mind, but I have to say it anyway. Nobody who saw you that day in your cute skirt, jacket, and jewelry and saw you flash your pretty smile would give a second thought to your weight. <3
    Last edited by ombat; 06-24-2013 at 07:06 PM.

  2. #1052
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Thanks Sauerkraut, and welcome! I saw your posts on Derps journal and liked your outlook.

    That's a great cover of "Love song"! I kind of adore The Cure version, but this definitely works well.

    So is Krautland Germany or am I being really unimaginative? :d
    Thank you! I've never been much of a "forum" person, but I'm willing to give technology a chance I might even start my own journal !

    Oh you're not being unimaginative, Krautland should stand for Germany but I'm from Switzerland.... I figured that's close enough! (somehow Cheeseland sounded too funny). Oh, I totally share your love for California (and The Cure ) I'm very "weather sensitive", my mood is totally conditioned by how much sun there is, and I found Cali to have the perfect balance. If there was such a place in Europe, I'd be there (Spain does not cut it for me) I lived in London and as much as I love the city, I had to get out of there after a while!!

  3. #1053
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    Hey, hey, sorry to hear about the problems with your mom. I have similar issues with my mom.

    Our relationship improved as I got older, but I'm sure that it would go to hell again if I had to spend two whole weeks on vacation with her. I think a lot of parent-adult child relationships are difficult, and everyone kinda has to do some pretending in order to get along. It is pretty sad though.
    Thanks for the long post Diene! I'm sorry that you had such similar problems with your mum. You reminded me that from a very young age I used to fantasise about running away. I used to pack my things into a bag (usually some fancy dress clothes and a few My Little Ponies)and hide the bag in our garden, waiting for my chance. She always caught me..!

    How was your mum about privacy? That was another thing about my mum: I was her property, and I wasn't allowed to have any boundaries. My room was never my sacred space: even as a teenager she would go through my drawers. When I started smoking I used to have to hide my cigarettes in the garden, wrapped in a plastic bag...!

    The pretending thing is quite hard cos' I'm such an honest person, and I hate the thought of one of the closest relationships in my life being based on pleasantries. I also hate the pressure of having to be the model daughter, but this is the only way I've found to genuinely get on with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    I love that song, by the way. It made me all teary eyed. (I was at work too!)

    I don't think I've ever met any online friends in real life though. (You can be the first one!!! )
    So glad you liked it! It moves me too, especially if I sing it.

    And YEAH! that sounds great

    Quote Originally Posted by CiKi90 View Post
    Aww, I'm sorry you had such a hard time on your trip, I know how tough having a difficult family member can be. I'm going through the same deal with my sister, as you know. Deciding to take a break from her was really the best decision I could have made, and I think it's wise to follow your gut on this one, so that you don't end up becoming overly stressed out about the whole situation. I'm trying to decide if I need to take a break from my mother and sister just because of recent events. It's hard, but at least we're not alone in feeling this way, you know? Big hugs your way!

    I'm so happy that you had such a great time with Bat. It is strange to meet people from online. I met my SO online 4 years ago, but I met a few others before picking him, so I have some experience with it ... not really good experiences, though lol! I feel like I would be in a really awkward place in my life, though, if I didn't communicate with anyone online, since I have such social anxiety sometimes. Slowly, I'm getting out of the shyness habit.
    I know you know where I'm coming from <3 Thanks for your kind words. I'm not really sure what to do - I'm not in a bad way myself, but I am sick of listening to her complaining all the time. I guess I feel under appreciated cos she just vents and doesn't realise how much I give her.

    Speaking of social anxiety: when I was a teenager I used to suffer from that really badly, to the point where I was afraid to go outside. It's part of the reason I took so many drugs in my later teens to mid twenties: I couldn't function socially without them. I started working on it though from early twenties and now I'm great socially: I'm really relaxed, and I love meeting new interesting people. So it's definitely something that can be overcome, you know?

    I read about your internet dating things before - wasn't one guy a werewolf?! ROFL

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    I didn't realize you had such serious, deep seated issues with your mom. Your struggles with ED make a lot of sense now. If you grew up constantly being berated for who you were, it stands to reason that you would find it difficult to love yourself and try to change yourself in any way that you could, or in ways that were perceived to be better, or maybe you were even punishing yourself because you believed all of the things she told you. Spending so much time in fear is so harmful. You've been under stress for a great deal of time and will take much to heal. I think you're on the right track with self love.

    EDIT: ALSO, I know you are at your highest weight ever, but that doesn't mean you weigh too much. I truly think that you look fantastic. I know that won't change your mind, but I have to say it anyway. Nobody who saw you that day in your cute skirt, jacket, and jewelry and saw you flash your pretty smile would give a second thought to your weight. <3
    Thanks Emma <3 I always appreciate your insights. It definitely played a huge role in how I feel about myself, but there was even more to it than that: family stuff was very complicated, and then I had bad things happen that were completely separate to all that. I was so damaged for such a long time, and when I look at myself now I can't believe how far I've come.

    And thank you for the compliment

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I met Pebbles67 (from here on MDA) last year just before Thanksgiving! It was exactly as you described. My fiancÚ and I met someone from World of Warcraft when we vacationed in Seattle. We met up for drinks and food. It was fun and it seemed like everyone had a good time, but I guess she didn't like us that much because we never heard from her again! I also online-dated someone when I was 16. That was a mess. He had/has an obsession with me that lasted for many years =\.
    Quote Originally Posted by brookesam View Post
    Ok, I've got to know... Who brought the envelopes of gelatin?!

    Do share some of your internet dating stories!

    I'm on pof.com... nothing interesting going on there. MDA is the first forum I've posted on.
    Haha, it was me! I had just done my American grocery shopping when I went to meet her.

    POF - noooooooooooooooooo!!!! I think that's one of the worst sites.... some really dodgy characters on there! In terms of free sites OK Cupid is much better. If I were to do it again I think I'd just go on a paid site though, as a lot of people on the free ones aren't for real.

    Worst experiences: someone who got obsessed with me and ended up stalking me... even went so far as to create a false identity of someone I knew of to try and find out more about me; a guy who lied about his age (by 10 years); a guy who cried three times on the first (and only) date. Fun times...!

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I met Pebbles67 (from here on MDA) last year just before Thanksgiving! It was exactly as you described. My fiancÚ and I met someone from World of Warcraft when we vacationed in Seattle. We met up for drinks and food. It was fun and it seemed like everyone had a good time, but I guess she didn't like us that much because we never heard from her again! I also online-dated someone when I was 16. That was a mess. He had/has an obsession with me that lasted for many years =\.
    That's so cool! I have the feeling that I'm going to end up meeting a lot more of my MDA friends once I move to the States

    I also had a stalker from internet dating (see above). I think in some way the internet just fuels those kinds of tendencies in people...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  4. #1054
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    Quote Originally Posted by sauerKraut View Post
    Thank you! I've never been much of a "forum" person, but I'm willing to give technology a chance I might even start my own journal !

    Oh you're not being unimaginative, Krautland should stand for Germany but I'm from Switzerland.... I figured that's close enough! (somehow Cheeseland sounded too funny). Oh, I totally share your love for California (and The Cure ) I'm very "weather sensitive", my mood is totally conditioned by how much sun there is, and I found Cali to have the perfect balance. If there was such a place in Europe, I'd be there (Spain does not cut it for me) I lived in London and as much as I love the city, I had to get out of there after a while!!
    I've actually never had such a long forum life prior to this! There were a few forums I used to frequent, but it only lasted max 6 months. But this forum keeps challenging me and my views, so I'm still here

    Ha, was making sure "Krautland" didn't refer to some kind of fermented food fetish. Not that there's anything wrong with that

    And YES - you're so on the money with Cali. I think Southern CA might be a bit too hot, but central is just about perfect. SF is marginally too cold, but I was told that Oakland and Berkley are about 5 degrees warmer, so if I move over I think it will be to either of those.

    So do you still live in Switzerland? I've only been there once. If I spoke the language, France would be the place I'd live in Europe. Poland is also amazing, but I'm half Polish so maybe I'm biased Outside of Europe, Cape town is amazing, and very similar to CA in climate and landscape. I've been living in London for nearly four years, and I've reached the end of my time there for sure...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #1055
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    @Yoga

    When I created the account I was eating probiotics...but honestly, I just HATE them, especially Sauerkrauts!!

    I'm not living in Switzerland now, I'm a bit of a nomad, still looking for a place where I can settle for a while! It's actually quite beautiful, especially the italian part...but it does get boring if you're younger... it's very unfortunate that London has such a horrible weather, really. I wonder, the british empire owned half of the world until a short time ago, they could have relocated the capital in some cool caribbean island! ... I've gotta say, other than southern Cali, my favorite place would be Tel Aviv (if I knew the language)... that city is just great, and the people so laid back. Pretty amazing.

  6. #1056
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Thanks for the hugs! You're totally right, and I feel the same. This holiday just showed me how superficial the "getting on" really is though. It's fine so long as I'm babying her, but once I stop doing that, things fall apart again.

    It's sad cos' it seems most parents don't realise that if they want to have good relationships with their kids they also need to compromise. My mum just didn't come from that kind of generation - she believes she children should treat their parents with total obedience and respect. Which probably most generation of parents have been like til now! Is it changing, or am I just young?

    My husband is always saying that children are the only ones who truly know if their parents parenting techniques were successful or not. Therefore it is ridiculous for them to ever tell us how to raise our children or complain about how we turned out. If we do things they don't like, well they raised us! If I do something with my children they don't like, well I know how their methods turned out, so if I choose not to do the same it is for good reason, they can't possibly convince me to do as they did when I, the product, know that it failed.

  7. #1057
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    Quote Originally Posted by sauerKraut View Post
    @Yoga

    When I created the account I was eating probiotics...but honestly, I just HATE them, especially Sauerkrauts!!

    I'm not living in Switzerland now, I'm a bit of a nomad, still looking for a place where I can settle for a while! It's actually quite beautiful, especially the italian part...but it does get boring if you're younger... it's very unfortunate that London has such a horrible weather, really. I wonder, the british empire owned half of the world until a short time ago, they could have relocated the capital in some cool caribbean island! ... I've gotta say, other than southern Cali, my favorite place would be Tel Aviv (if I knew the language)... that city is just great, and the people so laid back. Pretty amazing.
    Haha - I grew up with sauerkraut so I actually don't mind it!

    I actually think that the reason the British went to conquer so much of the world was because there's nothing more motivating than the desire to escape from shitty weather

    I did the nomad thing for quite a few years too, and now I just want to put down roots, but it's impossible unless you're in the right place! So the nomad keeps searching...

    I've barely seen any of the Middle East (spent about a month in Dubai, if that counts!) but Israel and Iran are up there as places I'm really drawn to. More so Israel, I think. I've also always had a fascination with Mexico, but I was only there once, briefly. Part of the attraction to Cali is the proximity to Mexico - would be much easier to explore it with CA as a base!

    Quote Originally Posted by PaleoMom View Post
    My husband is always saying that children are the only ones who truly know if their parents parenting techniques were successful or not. Therefore it is ridiculous for them to ever tell us how to raise our children or complain about how we turned out. If we do things they don't like, well they raised us! If I do something with my children they don't like, well I know how their methods turned out, so if I choose not to do the same it is for good reason, they can't possibly convince me to do as they did when I, the product, know that it failed.
    I hear you. I think the best way to know if you've done a good parenting job is if you have a good relationship with your kids! True respect is born out of love, not drilled into someone.

    I think part of the problem is that people either emulate what their parents did, or else they react against it, and end up doing as much damage in a completely different dimension. Like, my sister had an even worse time with our mum than I did, but she's a complete walkover with her kids because she is afraid of damaging them the way our mum damaged her. But you can do equal amounts of damage by giving too much.

    It's a minefield, which is why I don't really want to have kids.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #1058
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Thanks for the long post Diene! I'm sorry that you had such similar problems with your mum. You reminded me that from a very young age I used to fantasise about running away. I used to pack my things into a bag (usually some fancy dress clothes and a few My Little Ponies)and hide the bag in our garden, waiting for my chance. She always caught me..!

    How was your mum about privacy? That was another thing about my mum: I was her property, and I wasn't allowed to have any boundaries. My room was never my sacred space: even as a teenager she would go through my drawers. When I started smoking I used to have to hide my cigarettes in the garden, wrapped in a plastic bag...!

    The pretending thing is quite hard cos' I'm such an honest person, and I hate the thought of one of the closest relationships in my life being based on pleasantries. I also hate the pressure of having to be the model daughter, but this is the only way I've found to genuinely get on with her.


    So glad you liked it! It moves me too, especially if I sing it.

    And YEAH! that sounds great
    You played with My Little Ponies as a kid? I did too! They were my favorite toys. I was never into Barbie.

    Yeah, my mom didn't really respect my privacy either. I don't think she became super paranoid and actively searched my room until I was older though (which was exactly when you didn't want your parents to search your room). ARGHHH--Just thinking about it now makes me want to strangle her.

    I guess I see her so infrequently (literally, once every couple of years now) that it doesn't really bother me. Talking on the phone every once in a while isn't so bad. It's those in-person moments that are most difficult.

    I think you should sing it for us. You have such a great singing voice! I can't sing on key to save my life, haha!

    I'd like to experience real online dating at some point, you know, set up a profile and go on lots of dates. The one time I went out with someone I met online, I met him on craigslist (admittedly not the best way to meet people, but I did get a non-creepy vibe from him and he wasn't creepy).

  9. #1059
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    Wow, I wish I were brave enough to be a nomad. But I've always liked to settle in one place--I'm pretty sedentary, never been much of a wanderer or traveler. That sounds really boring, and I wish I were different... I guess it's because I found my place so young--I moved to Berkeley when I was 18 and just never wanted to leave. Leaving was a stupid mistake (but at the time I didn't want to be one of those Californians who just never leave the state and never experience living elsewhere so when I had the opportunity to move to the east coast for grad school, I did).

    I've never been to the Middle East, but I've always been drawn to Turkey. Istanbul is a place that I've always wanted to visit.

    I have the same general feeling about parenting and having kids. Sometimes it feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Part of the reason I don't really want to have kids is cuz I'm afraid that I'd screw them up. And I think that it's possible that just being so afraid of screwing up will set you up for failure.

  10. #1060
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    You played with My Little Ponies as a kid? I did too! They were my favorite toys. I was never into Barbie.

    Yeah, my mom didn't really respect my privacy either. I don't think she became super paranoid and actively searched my room until I was older though (which was exactly when you didn't want your parents to search your room). ARGHHH--Just thinking about it now makes me want to strangle her.
    Here's something to put a smile on your face



    Just watching that brings back the memories of how much I loved that cartoon! I would actually dream about flying through the sky on little ponies... Did you happen to like horse riding too?!

    Haha - what did your mum find?! I remember the feeling of complete panic when my mum nearly found my cigarettes. I was 14, and I'd hidden them in my pink knitting bag (...when two world's collide). She was going through my wardrobe right in front of me and started to pull out bag and in total desperation I pulled it off her and just held it to my chest. Luckily I'd also hidden a t-shirt I'd bought without her consent in there, so when she made me open the bag I just showed her that... After that I started hiding my cigs in the garden

    But for me the worst thing about her looking through my drawers was that it wasn't out of paranoia - it was cos' she believed that, as her child, I didn't deserve any privacy. She was so controlling. And unlike you I kept getting into relationships with really controlling guys til I finally saw the light.

    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    Wow, I wish I were brave enough to be a nomad. But I've always liked to settle in one place--I'm pretty sedentary, never been much of a wanderer or traveler. That sounds really boring, and I wish I were different... I guess it's because I found my place so young--I moved to Berkeley when I was 18 and just never wanted to leave. Leaving was a stupid mistake (but at the time I didn't want to be one of those Californians who just never leave the state and never experience living elsewhere so when I had the opportunity to move to the east coast for grad school, I did).

    I have the same general feeling about parenting and having kids. Sometimes it feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Part of the reason I don't really want to have kids is cuz I'm afraid that I'd screw them up. And I think that it's possible that just being so afraid of screwing up will set you up for failure.
    It all depends if you are sedentary out of fearfulness, or because you want to put down roots! Some people are Oaks, and some are Dandelion seeds that need to drift awhile before finding a place to grow. But some people are nomads out of fear too, so both extremes can be bad.

    Yeah, completely my fear too. Although now it's shifted more towards just being too self centred and not wanting the commitment.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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