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Thread: This is not a lobe song page 103

  1. #1021
    brooke.S.'s Avatar
    brooke.S. is offline Senior Member
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    [QUOTE=YogaBare;1226854]What brought you to the current town? [QUOTE]

    I was born and raised here. I guess I'm waiting for the right time and I know it's just not time yet. The right thing at the wrong time ends up being the wrong thing.

  2. #1022
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    Body, Mind, and Metabolism. Getting over... myself.

    Yesterday was a day of revelations.

    Body, Mind.

    There are weighing scales in our Vegas hotel, and when we arrived I was shocked at the number that greeted me: 143lbs. My highest weight ever.

    Prior to arriving, the penny was starting to drop that my distention was actually weight gain, but I didn't imagine it was 10lbs.

    I didn't freak out. I hadn't had a BM in about five days (travelling always screws me up) and I'd eaten a big sushi lunch. So when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning (after finally having a BM, and eating lightly last night) I was surprised I was up again: 145lbs.

    What could I think? From my perspective it wasn't fair. I'm just eating to appetite, right? I plodded down to brunch with self-pity dominating my mind. Whereupon my mum mentioned that she was gaining weight since we'd be on hols.

    I was flooded with relief. Alone in my victim mentality, I had convinced myself that weight gain was not something that happened to lean people. I assumed they could shovel food in their cake hole non-stop and stay the same weight, while I look at a salad dressing and inflate. Not the case. (And yeah, that's obvious, but we know I'm insane when it comes to these things Even though I have overcome the ED behaviour, I have not overcome the mindset).

    But you know what? This little revelation has helped me let go a bit more.

    Getting a perfect body requires so much head space and what does it give you? Nothing, actually. I don't become more confident, and I don't love myself more. When I've been gaunt and skinny, I still fold my arms to cover my "belly". The only thing I get from increased thinness is the ability to dress the way I want. Is that really worth all this anxiety and pain?

    Wearing a bikini is actually liberating. So many of the woman at the pool here are beautiful and skinny, and you know what? This has just caused me to dig deeper, and remind myself that I am more than my body. I have an inner beauty that surpasses what the naked eye can see. Nothing is worth more than that, yet that's what I keep forgetting.

    Metabolism.

    After my little breakfast revelation, something happened.

    I've been watching what I eat (as much as possible) but over the last two weeks, I just started gaining. I attributed the weight gain to a down regulation of my metabolism.

    At breakfast, I was dying for coffee, and I was so exhausted that I decided to drink it black. Woah! Everything changed, instantly. I felt my food digesting. I went back up to my room, and took my alfalfa sups, which are supposed to stimulate the thyroid, but haven't been helping me at all lately. Maybe it was cos' I took them right after balck coffee, but they gave me a real kick! For the rest of the day I had energy to exercise, felt positive and full of life. Weirdly, I stepped on the scale late avo [obsessive I know], and it read 136lbs.

    The conclusion that I've come to is that my energy is intimately linked to my metabolism. This fluctuates. When it lowers, I get tired and bloated. When it raises, I have energy and a heightened mood. The next step is trying to observe the exact things that stimulate my metabolism, and how to keep it high.

    Peace and love <3
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-19-2013 at 01:41 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #1023
    diene's Avatar
    diene is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks everyone for all the advice and encouragement!

    zoebird -- I do have money saved up that will allow me to live for approximately 6 months. I'm not hopeful about getting a retail job because I applied for a bunch last summer (wanted a part-time job while studying for the bar), and I didn't even get a single interview! *Sigh* I guess employers just don't want to hire someone whom they think won't stick around. I could definitely move, and if I weren't so damn pessimistic, I might even feel okay about it. Friends assure me that I'd be able to find temp/contract work fairly quickly, but a part of me insists that I will not be able to find any job and that I'll run out of money and die.

    YB -- that song totally resonates with me! And sorry for hijacking your journal even more. I know you're okay with it, but I still feel bad about dumping my stupid problems into your journal.

    ombat -- I agree that just cuz you're married doesn't mean you're compatible, but I guess at least if you married him, you've made that commitment. That doesn't mean it's going to work out, of course, but moving in together without even having made that mental commitment is just asking for complications down the road, if you know what I mean.

    Ciki -- Thanks! Yeah, I live in PA, and all of my close friends have moved away. This is a place that people leave, after all. I think things will maybe get better if I make them better, but they will probably stay the same if I let them. And I really can't let them stay the same. My God! You hear about people who just settled for something that they didn't really want and lived their entire lives in a state of mediocrity (in terms of personal happiness/fulfillment), and I really don't want to be one of them.

    Really, I can't carry on living in a place that I hate, working a job that I don't like, and living with a guy I don't want to be with. #$%&@!

  4. #1024
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Excellent revelations!

    If you can get your hands on some high-dose Vitamin C tablets (or powder), that can help get things moving again when you get constipated while travelling. It's recommended on the Gutsense.org site. It's what I used for a while for my chronic constipation, too. Start with 1-2 grams at a time until things move (wait at least 2 hours between doses).
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #1025
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    Yoyo, I think you're on the right track with figuring out what works best for your metabolism. But in the immediate present, I would love it if you could just relax and give yourself a break. Being on vaca brings a lot of factors into the mix - different food, off schedule, etc. It might be mostly useless to try to "fix" anything while you're traveling. But I know it's not easy to stop thinking about <3

    Re: travel constipation, I get backed up when I hear the word "travel" and I'm actually pretty nervous about flying out to SF tomorrow (but it's overridden by the excitement ) I know I've mentioned this before but I have experience with pretty drastic weight gain from being constipated and I don't think that having one BM in the course of five days gets rid of it all...

    Quote Originally Posted by diene
    ombat -- I agree that just cuz you're married doesn't mean you're compatible, but I guess at least if you married him, you've made that commitment. That doesn't mean it's going to work out, of course, but moving in together without even having made that mental commitment is just asking for complications down the road, if you know what I mean.
    I really don't know what you mean... Some arbitrary commitment means nothing if it doesn't end up working out because you took it on faith. Living with someone brings out another side of him and until you've decided that you are compatible with that person in every way, why on earth would you make a commitment?

  6. #1026
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    If you run out of money, you won't die. You'll just keep going.

    Go ahead and move. If you have money saved up, head out there.

    Contact your university/grad school alumnae associations, meet up with the locals, and it'll help start your network.

  7. #1027
    brooke.S.'s Avatar
    brooke.S. is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I was flooded with relief. Alone in my victim mentality, I had convinced myself that weight gain was not something that happened to lean people. I assumed they could shovel food in their cake hole non-stop and stay the same weight, while I look at a salad dressing and inflate. Not the case. (And yeah, that's obvious, but we know I'm insane when it comes to these things Even though I have overcome the ED behaviour, I have not overcome the mindset).

    But you know what? This little revelation has helped me let go a bit more.

    Getting a perfect body requires so much head space and what does it give you? Nothing, actually. I don't become more confident, and I don't love myself more. When I've been gaunt and skinny, I still fold my arms to cover my "belly". The only thing I get from increased thinness is the ability to dress the way I want. Is that really worth all this anxiety and pain?

    Wearing a bikini is actually liberating. So many of the woman at the pool here are beautiful and skinny, and you know what? This has just caused me to dig deeper, and remind myself that I am more than my body. I have an inner beauty that surpasses what the naked eye can see. Nothing is worth more than that, yet that's what I keep forgetting.
    Wow... Good stuff yoga!

  8. #1028
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Excellent revelations!

    If you can get your hands on some high-dose Vitamin C tablets (or powder), that can help get things moving again when you get constipated while travelling. It's recommended on the Gutsense.org site. It's what I used for a while for my chronic constipation, too. Start with 1-2 grams at a time until things move (wait at least 2 hours between doses).
    Thanks for the tip! Never heard that about Vit C before...

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    Yoyo, I think you're on the right track with figuring out what works best for your metabolism. But in the immediate present, I would love it if you could just relax and give yourself a break. Being on vaca brings a lot of factors into the mix - different food, off schedule, etc. It might be mostly useless to try to "fix" anything while you're traveling. But I know it's not easy to stop thinking about <3
    Hey, I hear you girl. Honestly though, it's not a preoccupation, or a source of stress. If raising my metabolism is linked to higher energy then I definitely want to achieve that: long term, not just this vacation. The black coffee with the alfalfa chaser is the first thing I've really noticed to have an impact on me.

    Quote Originally Posted by brookesam View Post
    Wow... Good stuff yoga!
    Quote Originally Posted by CiKi90 View Post
    Yogabare, this is a great step toward discovering yourself and helping you toward a peaceful mentality toward your body! I am really shocked at the results you've had with just manipulating your metabolism to benefit you the most. I'm so happy that you're taking these steps and getting into the groove of improvement without the sacrifice of your sanity.

    I take it, then, that your trip so far has gone pretty well? Have you met up with anyone from MDA yet? lol.
    Thanks

    Ci, the vacation hasn't been without difficulties. Difficult traveling with the family but haven't had the energy to journal it.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  9. #1029
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    Hormones

    Today, I can't stop crying. Not hysterical-waves-of-sobbing; more like continual rivulets of tears escaping from the corners of my eyes.

    Absolutely no rhyme or reason for this. I don't even feel that sad... I just descend into moments of high stress and despair. I'm sure it's hormonal: maybe an oestrogen or stress hormone surge.

    Interestingly, this morning when I was practicing headstands I got extremely red (high oestrogen?). And all day I've had the urge to do lots of exercise (stress hormones?). Just wish this would all balance out.

    Shopping List
    Of course I've left it til the last minute..!

    Knox gelatine
    niacinamide powder
    aloe vera caps (nature's way)
    Bumper pack of aspirin

    Anything else I should get?

    Oh, and if you want a laugh, this joke is too funny! Possibly-the-best-and-most-convoluted-knock-knock-joke-ever
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-20-2013 at 08:37 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  10. #1030
    diene's Avatar
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    YB: Yeah, that sounds like hormones. When I first started taking the pill, I was crazy for three months--cried almost everyday for no reason.

    Loved that joke, btw. So funny! Gonna post it to my FB.

    Ombat: No, an arbitrary commitment will not make it more likely to work out. I guess my point is that: I find myself in this relationship of 5 years. Lived with him for 4. Moved in pretty casually. But had I not moved him with him, I would have broken up with him a long time ago. So the fact that I moved in with him casually and without seriously thinking about the consequences has caused me to waste years of my life in a messed up relationship. And I would like to not repeat that in the future. That's all.

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