Body, Mind, and Metabolism. Getting over... myself.
Yesterday was a day of revelations.
There are weighing scales in our Vegas hotel, and when we arrived I was shocked at the number that greeted me: 143lbs. My highest weight ever.
Prior to arriving, the penny was starting to drop that my distention was actually weight gain, but I didn't imagine it was 10lbs.
I didn't freak out. I hadn't had a BM in about five days (travelling always screws me up) and I'd eaten a big sushi lunch. So when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning (after finally having a BM, and eating lightly last night) I was surprised I was up again: 145lbs.
What could I think? From my perspective it wasn't fair. I'm just eating to appetite, right? I plodded down to brunch with self-pity dominating my mind. Whereupon my mum mentioned that she was gaining weight since we'd be on hols.
I was flooded with relief. Alone in my victim mentality, I had convinced myself that weight gain was not something that happened to lean people. I assumed they could shovel food in their cake hole non-stop and stay the same weight, while I look at a salad dressing and inflate. Not the case. (And yeah, that's obvious, but we know I'm insane when it comes to these things Even though I have overcome the ED behaviour, I have not overcome the mindset).
But you know what? This little revelation has helped me let go a bit more.
Getting a perfect body requires so much head space and what does it give you? Nothing, actually. I don't become more confident, and I don't love myself more. When I've been gaunt and skinny, I still fold my arms to cover my "belly". The only thing I get from increased thinness is the ability to dress the way I want. Is that really worth all this anxiety and pain?
Wearing a bikini is actually liberating. So many of the woman at the pool here are beautiful and skinny, and you know what? This has just caused me to dig deeper, and remind myself that I am more than my body. I have an inner beauty that surpasses what the naked eye can see. Nothing is worth more than that, yet that's what I keep forgetting.
After my little breakfast revelation, something happened.
I've been watching what I eat (as much as possible) but over the last two weeks, I just started gaining. I attributed the weight gain to a down regulation of my metabolism.
At breakfast, I was dying for coffee, and I was so exhausted that I decided to drink it black. Woah! Everything changed, instantly. I felt my food digesting. I went back up to my room, and took my alfalfa sups, which are supposed to stimulate the thyroid, but haven't been helping me at all lately. Maybe it was cos' I took them right after balck coffee, but they gave me a real kick! For the rest of the day I had energy to exercise, felt positive and full of life. Weirdly, I stepped on the scale late avo [obsessive I know], and it read 136lbs.
The conclusion that I've come to is that my energy is intimately linked to my metabolism. This fluctuates. When it lowers, I get tired and bloated. When it raises, I have energy and a heightened mood. The next step is trying to observe the exact things that stimulate my metabolism, and how to keep it high.
Peace and love <3
Last edited by YogaBare; 06-19-2013 at 01:41 PM.
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat