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  1. #991
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    Yoyo, my mom went to UC Berkely, fell in love with SF and never wanted to move back to LA. She ended up following some guy back (dumb!), getting a job, settling down, having kids (also dumb!) and is in LA to this very day. Every time we visit SF she says, "I feel like I'm home now." I grew up watching her be miserable where we lived (she moved to a different part of town a few years ago and is exponentially happier, but still wants to retire elsewhere) and I vowed to never do the same. She could see how uncomfortable I was there throughout my childhood and practically demanded that I move away and never come back. The way you feel about SF is the way I feel about Washington. I started calling it home the moment I moved here and consider visiting my friends and family in LA "vacation".

    Each place has its own energy - energy that can breathe life into a person or suck him dry. I was withered and rotting until I took action and removed myself from an environment that was toxic to me.

  2. #992
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    You are always welcome to share stuff in this journal! It's a free ride, not a hijack

    My view on reincarnation is a little more complex than what's generally believed by Eastern philosophies. In a nutshell: I believe the scientific principles that everything is made of energy, and energy can't be created or destroyed. As we "form" the energy can come from anywhere. So maybe people have strong draws to certain places because part of them came from there.

    And yeah, as an aside, I did lots of random spiritual things over the years, like past life regression therapies, and America always came up. I can't even count how many people linked me to Native Americans, but there was also one guy who told me I was a man living in Boston in the 40's who had one of those 'nothing' lives: married, kids, but always felt like there was something missing (!)

    Anyway, I don't know if I believe in that stuff: I more think that sensitive people can pick up on a person's longings and interpret them in metaphors and images. It's still interesting to think why some people have such strong draws to certain places. I look Californian, and from a young age people thought I was American (I was literally born with the accent). People still think I'm American. My mum, as another example, looks French, dresses French, and spends a huge amount of time in France.

    It sounds like you know what you want, and in a way you've kind of made up your mind. I know how hard it is to breakup with someone you've been with for a long time. Are you concerned that he'll try to convince you to stay, or try to trap you?

    And I totally know what it's like to live somewhere you hate! My mum has lived in Ireland for more than 35 years, and has never liked it as a place. I saw how bitter she was living here, but she was trapped by her commitments, and I think that's why I've refused to compromise, and why I haven't been able to settle in these cities that don't speak to my soul. Who knows - maybe if you moved back to where your heart pulled you, you would actually meet someone who it was right with?

    (What line of work are you in, out of interest?)
    Hey, thanks! I believe in reincarnation, and I think that people feel strong connections with certain places and certain other people because of their experiences in past lives.

    I'm not really afraid that he'll try to convince me to stay or try to trap me. Well, he can't trap me. The only person who can trap me is myself. I just don't even know how to bring it up. I mean, am I supposed to just bring it up one day out of the blue? Like hey, I'm moving back to CA in two and a half months, see ya later. I just don't want to have to deal with it. I'm a coward in this sense. I just want to stick my head in the sand and hope that it will go away.

    I used to be a scientist but now I'm a lawyer. The legal profession sucks, and i hate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    Yoyo, my mom went to UC Berkely, fell in love with SF and never wanted to move back to LA. She ended up following some guy back (dumb!), getting a job, settling down, having kids (also dumb!) and is in LA to this very day. Every time we visit SF she says, "I feel like I'm home now." I grew up watching her be miserable where we lived (she moved to a different part of town a few years ago and is exponentially happier, but still wants to retire elsewhere) and I vowed to never do the same. She could see how uncomfortable I was there throughout my childhood and practically demanded that I move away and never come back. The way you feel about SF is the way I feel about Washington. I started calling it home the moment I moved here and consider visiting my friends and family in LA "vacation".

    Each place has its own energy - energy that can breathe life into a person or suck him dry. I was withered and rotting until I took action and removed myself from an environment that was toxic to me.
    Yeah, I definitely don't want to spend the rest of my life in a place that I hate. That is just too sad. My greatest fear is that I will one day realize that I failed to pursue my dreams and just settled for something that I didn't really want because it was easy or convenient or because I was too much of a coward. But that is not really the kind of person that I am, and I don't think that it will happen to me. But sometimes I wonder. I think old age has a way of defeating one's spirit. There was a fire in me when I was younger that appears to have burnt out. And sometimes I'm afraid of what I'm becoming without it.

  3. #993
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    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    Yoyo, my mom went to UC Berkely, fell in love with SF and never wanted to move back to LA. She ended up following some guy back (dumb!), getting a job, settling down, having kids (also dumb!) and is in LA to this very day. Every time we visit SF she says, "I feel like I'm home now." I grew up watching her be miserable where we lived (she moved to a different part of town a few years ago and is exponentially happier, but still wants to retire elsewhere) and I vowed to never do the same. She could see how uncomfortable I was there throughout my childhood and practically demanded that I move away and never come back. The way you feel about SF is the way I feel about Washington. I started calling it home the moment I moved here and consider visiting my friends and family in LA "vacation".

    Each place has its own energy - energy that can breathe life into a person or suck him dry. I was withered and rotting until I took action and removed myself from an environment that was toxic to me.
    Thank you... you know, that's good to read. I often see people who move and suddenly their lives slot into place, which is why I believe environment is so crucial to happiness...

    Looks like both our mums were unhappy where they lived. Can we please stop having so much in common???!

    Quote Originally Posted by CiKi90 View Post
    Yeah, I learned a bit about codependency when I was studying things about rehabilitation from addictions. It's part of the reason that I chose to stop talking with her in the first place, because I just saw both of us getting sicker and sicker when we were spending so much time together.

    It is really strange to think about projecting our negative and positive traits onto other people, and to think that I view people as selfish/distant/careless because there are parts of me that are that way, and I see some people as optimistic/strong/funny because I am also that way. So, maybe it'd be worth it to try and be the type of person you want to be friends with, leading by example with your personality. "Be the change you want to see in the world."
    Well, with co-dependent relationships, the person who is being taken advantage of often wants it on an unconscious level, because it can make them feel important / special / needed / loved. That's kind of moving beyond survival into personal responsibility, so I don't know if they went so deep in rehab? Certainly they never did when I was in therapy - I had to learn a lot of this stuff myself.

    I don't think it's worth trying to be anything tbh. I think those positive and negative traits come up irrespective, and the best thing is just to be what makes your heart sing <3 In some ways I think people are more real through the internet cos' it focuses a very specific aspect of ourselves that is in some ways more true to who we are. Sorry, losing coherency at this point cos' I' so tired
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  4. #994
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Thank you... you know, that's good to read. I often see people who move and suddenly their lives slot into place, which is why I believe environment is so crucial to happiness...

    Looks like both our mums were unhappy where they lived. Can we please stop having so much in common???!
    I tried many times to convince myself that my mind was my only prison and that environment should not matter but maybe that's only for the iron willed. Or maybe it was just another unobtainable standard I had set for myself at which to fail. Anyway, I'm getting off topic now and you know what maybe if you were a bit uglier and more horse faced we'd have less in common.

  5. #995
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    In my case, there have been several places where I've felt very comfortable and happy to live. NZ is one of them. I liked philadelphia a lot (but never lived in the city -- big bummer). I could do well enough in LA (particularly if I were to live in WeHo, my fav!, or Santa Monica/Venice area. Would live in Copenhagen in a heart beat -- I love that place. Seriously, talk about feeling like you are "home." Same with Stockholm, but Copenhagen is special.

    ---

    For my own part, I'm not big on using psychedelics. I know I probably sound nuts, but I truly believe we are capable of reaching those sorts of experiences without putting our bodies through a specific chemical reaction. I find that shamanic journeying, really deep meditation practices (deeper mindfulness and sessin practices in particular for me), plus also deep contemplative prayer are extremely effective in leading to these sorts of experiences (and of course, yoga to help the body along is a big deal, too).

    That being said, I would use peyote (or similar) in a guided spiritual context -- with adequate preparation before hand, with a strong, solid mentor experienced in use and administration, and with them having full knowledge of my psychological/spiritual need. But generally, none of that is for "fun." It's truly a spiritual process -- a sort of trial by fire -- rather than an entertainment.

    Also, have you considered something like suspension? I really want to do suspension. I just haven't found the right time/team yet.

  6. #996
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    Hey, thanks! I believe in reincarnation, and I think that people feel strong connections with certain places and certain other people because of their experiences in past lives.

    I'm not really afraid that he'll try to convince me to stay or try to trap me. Well, he can't trap me. The only person who can trap me is myself. I just don't even know how to bring it up. I mean, am I supposed to just bring it up one day out of the blue? Like hey, I'm moving back to CA in two and a half months, see ya later. I just don't want to have to deal with it. I'm a coward in this sense. I just want to stick my head in the sand and hope that it will go away.
    I agree about reincarnation: I just see it in a more vague way. If we are made of energy, and this energy is constantly being recycled, then maybe at another time we were several people all at once.

    Well.... all I can say is it really sounds like you've made up your mind! There's no real easy time to bring something like that up. But... the sooner you do it, the sooner you can go through all the break up stages and be ready to move on?

    I used to be a scientist but now I'm a lawyer. The legal profession sucks, and i hate it.

    Yeah, I definitely don't want to spend the rest of my life in a place that I hate. That is just too sad. My greatest fear is that I will one day realize that I failed to pursue my dreams and just settled for something that I didn't really want because it was easy or convenient or because I was too much of a coward. But that is not really the kind of person that I am, and I don't think that it will happen to me. But sometimes I wonder. I think old age has a way of defeating one's spirit. There was a fire in me when I was younger that appears to have burnt out. And sometimes I'm afraid of what I'm becoming without it.
    `
    Your motivation is that you are doing a job you hate, in a place you hate, to be with a guy you don't want to be with. No wonder your fire is burning low <3

    I'm familiar with that burn out feeling... believe me. I feel your pain! I think it comes from disappointments, and the feeling that life is beating you down. Lack of control is also a big one for me. But sometimes all is takes is for one little thing to change, and that fire gets reignited. Things like support, and beauty, and hope. If we're not happy where we are, we need to believe that there is something better. And honestly Ser, if you're missing every aspect of the holy trinity (right relationship, right place, right purpose), being happy and passionate is a monumental effort.

    Quote Originally Posted by CiKi90 View Post
    I never went to rehab on my own. I did a couple of therapy sessions, they tried to put me in a hospital or IP institution, and that scared me into recovery. My sister attended (attends?) free clinic NA meetings and did some group therapy sessions, sooo the only things I know about in terms of psychology and addictions are what I researched on my own. Through all that, though, I did feel that the relationship between my sister and me could be described as very codependent. This is probably true with many of the relationships I have in my life -- I always want to be useful to people in some way, in order to feel important. I always offer to do things for people, and when I can't do anything, for anyone, I feel pretty worthless. I don't really know what that means, exactly, except that it's not really ideal when trying to maintain healthy relationships between people.

    You know... I've been thinking about not trying to be any sort of way, lately and just doing what naturally suits me as a person. And after plenty of discussions with quite a few people, I have come to the conclusion that --and this might not seem like a good idea to you, I have no idea... which is why I'm bringing it up to you! -- I want to end my fear of psychedelics and try mushrooms this summer. I mean, judging by your signature, you may not be against it, but what do you think? I've heard so many things about how it can help to open your eyes, open your mind, and help to just clear your head of all the things that are getting in the way of your life. I'm not saying that I am completely relying on it as a catch-all for my problems. I just think it might help a little bit, and would be fun. lol.
    That's great that you are aware of all that - it's a huge step. Maybe you feel that one of the only things you have to offer is doing things for other people (not the case btw)? It might explain why you choose your particular relationship.

    I'm definitely not opposed to psychedelics, but honestly I wouldn't recommend them for you. People who suffer from anxiety don't do so well on very powerful drugs. You have to relinquish control of your mind completely, and that's very stressful for someone who is already wound up. How do you do on dope, as an example?

    For what it's worth, I consider you already a deep and insightful person, and I don't think you need hallucinogens to get the knowledge you want. See Zoe's response below...

    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I know I probably sound nuts, but I truly believe we are capable of reaching those sorts of experiences without putting our bodies through a specific chemical reaction. I find that shamanic journeying, really deep meditation practices (deeper mindfulness and sessin practices in particular for me), plus also deep contemplative prayer are extremely effective in leading to these sorts of experiences (and of course, yoga to help the body along is a big deal, too).

    That being said, I would use peyote (or similar) in a guided spiritual context -- with adequate preparation before hand, with a strong, solid mentor experienced in use and administration, and with them having full knowledge of my psychological/spiritual need. But generally, none of that is for "fun." It's truly a spiritual process -- a sort of trial by fire -- rather than an entertainment.

    Also, have you considered something like suspension? I really want to do suspension. I just haven't found the right time/team yet.
    This. There are so many alternatives to having deep, profound experiences within yourself. Meditation can be like that. Another example on Derp's journal is astral projection (not that I recommend this one particularly).

    Zoe, what do you mean by suspension?

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    maybe if you were a bit uglier and more horse faced we'd have less in common.
    You say the sweetest things <3
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-16-2013 at 08:50 AM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  7. #997
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    I left my heart in San Francisco

    I could link the subject line, but I prefer this SF song:


    So I met a bunch of Friscans over the last few days. I'm 100% sure that this is my place. Americans are so easy to get on with. I love that I was at a party last night, and no one had their iPhone out (except my dad). I love that Americans aren't afraid to have meaningful, interesting conversations at the drop of a hat.

    It sounds like Oakland might be the place for me. Apparently it's cheaper, more boho, and five degrees warmer than SF! Ombat, do you fancy taking the BART out there when we meet up??

    History and Food
    I'm seeing my dad in a new light on this trip. I always knew he was a binger, but I'm bowled over by his methodology. He eats in public the way someone with an ED with eat in private: stuffing food into his cake hole as though it's about to vanish and he'll never eat again.

    I don't mind people who are human dustbins, but there's an anger in how he attacks food, and I find it disturbing. The hilarious thing is that he blames my mum for his eating habits - he complains that "all we do is eat" on this trip, and yet every time we sit down he gorges on bread, his meal, and then finishes everyone else's leftovers. When we pointed this out to him, he continued to blame mum, pronouncing: "If you put me out to pasture, I'll graze". Excuse me?!

    One thing is for sure: I no longer binge. AAAND I'm able to leave food on my plate now (But I have a huge appetite, so it doesn't happen very often )

    Saying that, I gained some weight before I left on this trip, which confused me no end, but I think I know what happened. Weirdly, I think I gained weight cos I started eating less. I had food poisoning, then I went to a wedding, and for the week after that I was really bloated and lost my appetite. Most days that week I probably only had 1500 cals per day max. I was also really tired. The bloating didn't subside, but as soon as I started my regular eating rhythm again, I gained weight. The only thing that changed was that I ate less for one week (this was before the progesterone / travelling etc.)

    Since travelling I've been trying to eat less (skipping meals etc, going lower carb) but it hasn't made any difference. So I'm going to go back to eating three proper meals a day, and see what happens.

    Progesterone
    I finished my first treatment last week, and so far haven't noticed much of a change in anything. I had a proper period for the first time in about a year (in that it lasted 4-5 days, instead of 1-2), but that's it. Will be starting the second course in a few days, so maybe I'll see more changes then.

    Next stop - Vegas

    Where I am literally going to sun tan and swim!!! Does anyone else have zero interest in gambling?
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #998
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    Hey YB! Glad your trip is going so amazingly. Interesting to hear about "outside" perspectives on Americans. I wonder how Bostonians compare to West coasters.

    A couple inquiries: how's the bloating now? What is the treatment you are doing for progesterone? When I was tested with low progesterone, I was told to just take Vitex for a few months at least, then revisit based on PMS symptoms. PMS symptoms improved, then returned, so I'm taking Vitex again until I sort out why my body is not producing enough.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #999
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    I lived in the Bay Area for about 10yrs; 1 in SF and 9 in the East Bay. I love visiting SF but for living I prefer the EB. The weather is better in the EB and it's cheaper, and like you said more Boho. There are a lot of cool things happening in Oakland, folks are more scrappy and less conventional.

    SF has gotten very expensive so getting a place to live is highly competitive. Unless you have a lot of money you can end up living in a drafty cold apartment off the beat and track in a very boring part of the city. But you've lived in London so you're probably used to having to hustle a bit to get what you want. Honestly you have to be ready to hustle in the EB too, for work and housing because there are so many colleges and universities there's a glut of educated and qualified folks.

    Portland is a city I would consider living in, it's comparable to SF but more mellow. Plus it has a lot of great outdoor stuff to do, lots of walking and biking trails. Oregon in general feels like it has more to offer it's residents; in Ca. if you have money it's great, in Oregon even if you don't have much money you can still have a good time.

    I have zero interest in gambling!

  10. #1000
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urban Forager View Post

    Portland is a city I would consider living in, it's comparable to SF but more mellow. Plus it has a lot of great outdoor stuff to do, lots of walking and biking trails. Oregon in general feels like it has more to offer it's residents; in Ca. if you have money it's great, in Oregon even if you don't have much money you can still have a good time.
    Yogabare, when my daughter was looking at colleges she was set on SF. I was moving back to Oregon(from San Diego) after they (twins) graduated from high school. I wanted the girls to, at least, look at one school in the state. They agreed.

    The SF daughter was adamant about not living in OR until she toured the school here. She knew it was the right fit. She has lived in Portland for almost 5 years now. She is a communication designer and into ballet and aerial silks.

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