I have this best-seller self-help book about love languages and although those kinds of books are usually total crap, I really think this one has a lot of merit. I read the book recently but I took from it the opposite of what the author said to do, which is that to make your partner feel loved you have to speak his/her love language. The opposite that I took away is that to feel loved, I should recognize the love language my partner is trying to speak to me. And since noticing this, I've been more conscious of it and can see that the man does tons of stuff for me all the time trying to demonstrate his love for me. This makes me feel loved.
I think that all the stuff about whether your body is a perfect 10 or whether you are smart enough is just requirements for initial attraction. Once the initial attraction wears off, what we really want is to feel loved. You will feel loved when the other person fills your life with loving actions, loving words, time spent together, touch and gifts in whatever proportion is meaningful to you. The time spent together might contain a requirement for 100% intellectual conversation but in the end I think even the smartest person would get bored if that's the ONLY criteria for a loving relationship. Eventually they might find themselves empty of love in their life and unhappy with their partner.
So yeah, tl;dr; loosen up.
Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
Starting squat: 45lbs. Heaviest squat: 180 x 2. Heaviest Deadlift: 230 x 2