Sometimes ditzes need lovin' too.
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It's cool to see you pick this back up, WD.
I agree with the article.
Personally, I think the biggest problem with gifted education and construct is that gifted people don't get mainstreamed. Mainstreaming -- a process that happens often with variously abled students -- brings about a cohesive sense among classrooms (and later in life) that everyone has some kind of talent and value, and that you can be friends with anyone.
I was raised mainstreamed; my husband was raised gifted. The suffering that being raised gifted brought him was hard-core. I can't explain all of it, but the angst that you describe here is basically it (not to mention a lot of anxiety about not living up to his potential/etc). I don't really have those hang ups -- about others or myself.
Basically, I like a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. I have friends at all intelligence levels and from all kinds of walks of life. Each one brings joy and richness to my life, and I enjoy their company. A lot of them do a LOT of things way better than I ever could, and what I do -- perhaps I do it better than they do. But at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. What matters is that we enjoy each other.
There are people out there in the world who are smarter than you. There are people who are more determined. There are people who are more successful. And there always will be. And, there are people who are not as smart, not as determined, and not as successful. But *all* of these people are really valuable, awesome people. You can enjoy them in a variety of ways -- including in a romantic, non-"fuck buddy" way.
All you have to do is get over yourself. That's really it. You get over the idea that the person you are with has to be "X." Consider other valuable attributes to you.
I say this because I have a friend. She's very special. She is totally unique. And, she also has a very specialized diet (for health reasons). The reason she has trouble meeting people is not because people aren't good enough, it's becuase *she believes* that people A. won't accept and/or understand her uniqueness, and B. won't accept and/or accommodate her unique dietary needs.
You might notice that the "dark side" of your rant is not that you are intelligent, but that you think your intelligence inhibits your ability to relate AND that it inhibits other people's ability to relate to you. Likewise, you might think that your diet won't be accepted or accommodated, rather than noting that most people really, truly don't care when it comes down to it, and it needn't inhibit you.
So basically, in order to "loosen up" -- you need to explore the "shadow sides" of these attributes that you prize and how those become excuses as to why you can't achieve what you want to achieve.
Sometimes ditzes need lovin' too.
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I agree with zoebird. I'm a pretty smart person. When I was dating I went out with people of various levels of intelligence. Everyone had something to offer. My best relationship outside of my husband was a guy that was probably below average intelligence. He was incredibly kind, fun, interesting and just a good person to the core.
Maybe I just got lucky. My husband is also really smart. After we met we joined Mensa together. We haven't done much with Mensa though because so many of the members were totally caught up in their own intelligence and it was really annoying.
Anyway, while it is true that not everyone is super smart you can target smart people by going where they are. Pretty much everyone I know could get into Mensa and I know a lot of people. I met them in college, gaming groups, art classes, at work, etc. There are lots of smart people out there.
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What the fuck is up with OP. Reminds me of one of those fat atheists you see on OKCupid who decide they are incredibly smart and precious because they don't believe in god/gods.
I generally do not evaluate "intelligence" of students until they graduate, find a job they like, excel in it and manage some responsibility. Seems you have some time to go.
Only physicist who is allowed rant the way you did is Feynman.
Go for a run and feel sorry now.
Few but ripe.
Funny to see how a big egoic display fires up people, it never fails
I'm just going to call you Mr. Smartypants from now on.
be the hair that knots with my hair
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primal since oct. 1, 2012
Ah by the way, if it sucks to be healthy, become unhealthy Problem fixed ... sometimes, simple ideas are the best, if not the smartest
Um. Blaming the system might be easier than self accountability, but you aren't going to change your dating results if you aren't going to change your input. Something makes me think you are not just "smart" but actually love to stroke your own ego about it. Girls aren't going to be intimidated by a physics degree (ridiculous); they might be annoyed you talk about how smart you are and how awesome physics is the whole dinner date though.
Also-Did you look at yourself in the mirror? Are YOU attractive or at least not Unattractive? You cannot expect to find a total babe if you aren't a stud yourself. I usually find people who complain about no girls are the type who are totally not that attractive but shoot for the prettiest girls in the room.
Guys are way more likely to be "intimidated" by intelligence in girls than vice versa, and yet I still do just fine. I also have friends who are blaming not getting a guy because of NYC's skewed gender ratios and yet I do just fine in the dating scene.
I wasn't always "doing just fine" though. I was a total geek through and through in high school. Orchestra, science club, taking over 60hrs of college math/sci courses, Rubik's cube club for god's sake. I could blame guys for being "intimidated" or just accept the fact that I was a weird geek with zero social skills. I had to realize the problem was me and stop being so darn snooty/holier than thou and put more effort into my appearances and confidence.
Did some guys walk the other direction in college when I told them I double majored in biochemistry and chemical engineering? Maybe. Did all of them? No. The good guys stay around because intelligence is a positive trait to them. My ex in college loved to joke I carried at least 2 graphing calculators in my purse. I had friends and romantic interests from the fashion industry despite my geek majors. My trick? To know my audience. I am not going to talk about my research or about transport phenomena to fashion peeps. They don't care. If people ask me what I do, I will give a brief description in layman's terms. Of course, being nice and taking care of my appearance helps too.
To be bitter merely because the odds are against you is to give up and accept being a sore loser.
Eta: it should be noted that you are online complaining about how girls cannot take how awesome you are (eyeroll) rather than going out and approaching a real live human girl.
Last edited by turquoisepassion; 09-09-2013 at 05:57 AM.
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It's always funny to watch insecure people deal with dating. My SO has some friends and they are the guys that want girls with the *10* bodies, but they themselves are fat. Then you have the girls with the *10* bodies who want the guys with the big paychecks. And then, it's funny to see the people they end up settling with. My SO's one friend "who hates fat chicks" is with a chubby girl and loves her dearly and my neighbor who "won't date guys with incomes under six figures" is with a guy who just recently got hired by a pest control company and makes "art".
The person that you end up dating might be really unexpected, someone you never expected to work out.
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