Welcome, Amber! It's good to have you with us. We specialize in hot messes!
Your problems sound familiar and I think a primal diet will be just the thing for you. It will reduce systemic inflammation and calm down your immune system, which should be good for your thyroid and asthma. It will normalize your hormones which will also be great medicine for your thyroid and for draining adipose tissue. And I'm sure it will be equally good for your kids once you find the primal foods they go crazy for.
Thanks for posting your background. Good luck and have fun!