Get one of those pullup bars you just screw in (it just looks like a bar and uses pressure to hold itself in place, no nails or bolts or anything). When you're doing pullups, fold your legs under you and cross your ankles. That way you don't have to be very high up for the same effect.
Enjoy the torture, mate. (I'm not against pullups, I do them; they're just torture.)
I rarely talk to people about Paleo/Primal, but, when I do, it's when they're NOT complaining about their weight or health.
You see, I don't really "do" pity. And one thing I've learned about people is that they're more open to suggestion when they're happy and stable. When they complain they only ever want pity, not to be advised.