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Thread: Getting a SAD mindset to leave you alone about being primal page 3

  1. #21
    EagleRiverDee's Avatar
    EagleRiverDee is offline Senior Member
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    I have to agree with the folks here that are saying he needs to RESPECT your right to eat as you wish. I also think it's a red flag that he appears to be trying to control how YOU eat. He has every right to control how HE eats. But he doesn't have the right to tell YOU how to eat. Frankly I wouldn't even try to justify the diet. I would tell him, "I'm following Primal Blueprint and if you want to learn more about why here's the website and here's the book. End of subject." I can't even imagine my OH trying to tell me how to eat. He loves his carbs- his bread, his pasta. Good for him. He also loves and respects me enough to let me be Primal. Your guy needs to do the same.
    High Weight: 225
    Weight at start of Primal: 189
    Current Weight: 174
    Goal Weight: 130

    Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

  2. #22
    bloodorchid's Avatar
    bloodorchid is offline Senior Member
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    he's fighting you.. about... bacon
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  3. #23
    jfreaksho's Avatar
    jfreaksho is offline Senior Member
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    Put it back on him. Make him be logical, though:
    "I look better. I feel better. I've lost (a lot of) weight. I eat meat and vegetables and fruit. I am no longer obese/overweight. Everything about my body is better than before. For what reason should I change? Why should I go back to the way that made me into what I am trying so hard not to be anymore?

    Honestly, if he can't be supportive and happy that you are healthy, then you may have to find some more deep-seated issues and work those out. (Why does he want you to go back to the way things were before?)

  4. #24
    sbhikes's Avatar
    sbhikes is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfreaksho View Post
    Put it back on him. Make him be logical, though:
    "I look better. I feel better. I've lost (a lot of) weight. I eat meat and vegetables and fruit. I am no longer obese/overweight. Everything about my body is better than before. For what reason should I change? Why should I go back to the way that made me into what I am trying so hard not to be anymore?
    I said this to my partner. He responded with the same. That he's different from me, he can't eat stuff like bacon or fat, that the way he eats is how he needs to eat to be healthy. Okay, I can be reasonable. I can give to him what I want him to give to me.

    So I serve less fat and if I want to eat fatty things or big huge steaks, I make them for myself when he's not home. In fact, I make him lower fat, healthier stuff than he ever made himself. And I make sure to point it out so he notices. And now there is harmony.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Highest squat: 167.5 x 2. Current Deadlift: 190 x 3

  5. #25
    fiercehunter's Avatar
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    I'm always shocked when I hear about people who eat that many grain products per day.

  6. #26
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    When I met my boyfriend, I was 215 pounds. At that time he thought I would look good if I put on more weight. Whenever I mentioned losing weight and getting in shape, he would put on a sad-puppy face and say things like "but round is a shape, too". At that point I had a gluten-free household due to necessity.

    He eats and enjoys the food I fix (it's good) and has never tried to bring in gluten products. Serving rice, potatoes, or other starches with meat-and-vegetable dishes I fix for myself satisfies him and keeps him on even keel.

    He respects the fact that I decided to lose weight and has been surprised at how good I now look as I approach 150 pounds. I guess he thought I would become spindly or skinny-fat.

    If your boyfriend can't respect what you are doing for yourself, you can't change him. You can only change yourself.

  7. #27
    WaylandC's Avatar
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    He doesn't support you.

    He eats like a child and acts like one too. You, however, eat like an adult. You eat and cook whole foods. How he can argue against that is beyond me. You are also growing in a lot of ways without him.

    He's trying to exert control over you by trying to dictate what you eat.

    Think back to other things in the relationship where he has shown this part of his personality. If this is part of who he is, then you don't need that. No one does.

    You're strong enough and independent enough to do whatever you need to do without being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect or support you.

  8. #28
    Isisinabi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    My partner sounds a lot like yours. I have just soldiered on. I got tired of eating fatty things, so I started making things that were more on the borderline between what he thinks is healthy and what I think is healthy. I make a lot of salmon and lean meat items. I only use bacon as a flavoring. When I do serve something sort of fatty I remind him it's grass-fed so has all the heart healthy Omega 3s. I serve simple dishes of meat and vegetables. Often I serve him rice or bread on the side if it seems like it would go well. I will sometimes make him pasta, too. I try to make him feel like I'm not forcing too much on him other than general healthfulness. He is microscopically slowly moving in my direction as far as diet goes.
    I do believe that I am going to have to soldier on as well. My bf i know is only fussing because hes worried that im going to be unhealthy and have a heart attack as it runs rampant in my family. He's not really a controlling person, he just likes to give his opinion about everything...all the time. I'm used to that now, but it just is kind of weird that he's so stuck on this even though I have stated facts and have the 75lbs loss of proof. I have been reading that people get so protective over their foods that a lot refuse to make any changes no matter what. He is in his average size for a male of his height and weight and has never had to feel like he's been at the end of his rope. He's never had to feel like the biggest failure in the world because you're doing everything "right" and not getting any results and even seeing things get worse. I think that's the difference that a lot of us who discovered paleo or primal have had to go through. Maybe I should tell him this, as I haven't, and he doesn't know all the hears of crying I've done due to it either. Anyway thanks all for your responses.

  9. #29
    Cryptocode's Avatar
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    Would he agree to the results of a cholesterol lipid panel test. If so, how about if you both take one and compare results. Part of the agreement would be that he says no more if your numbers are godd.

  10. #30
    EagleRiverDee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cryptocode View Post
    Would he agree to the results of a cholesterol lipid panel test. If so, how about if you both take one and compare results. Part of the agreement would be that he says no more if your numbers are godd.
    This is a good point- I had my lipids checked one month into doing Primal and every number improved. I'll check again at 6 months.
    High Weight: 225
    Weight at start of Primal: 189
    Current Weight: 174
    Goal Weight: 130

    Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

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