Primal QQ - Stuff n Things page

[qqemokitty]

I have started and re-started this journal at least two dozen times. Everything I write sounds awkward and pretentious and silly. :P I've been lurking and kind of posting on these forums for, hmm, something like a year now? Of all the fitness forums I have tried, this is the one I return to, time and again, and feel pretty good about.

I keep trying to talk about myself and tell the story of why I am the way I am (fat and awkward) and why I have the problems I do (binging and emotional unavailability) but it just gets too cumbersome and no one wants to read all that and ultimately it does not matter.

What matters is now, and what I do going forward. I struggle, terribly, with binging. With being unable to resist toxic "foods" when they are in front of me. With self hate for said binging. Last year I lost some 50 pounds through eating primal, with an emphasis on ketosis and low carb. This was huge for me. For the first time in my adult life, I was under 300 pounds.

But I was also dangerously obsessed. I have an obsessive personality and I can get very mired down in the numbers and rules of things. Ultimately it was not sustainable. I get very stressed out by thinking about macros and not meeting them, or overshooting them. I also become obsessed with things like grass fed versus conventional, how this all fits in my limited budget, suddenly hating my food, and other ridiculous neurotic crap.

I keep telling myself it is OK to eat conventional meat and vegetables if when pastured and organic is too costly. But instead I blow tons of money shopping at whole foods or lazy acres or sprouts, and sometimes I don't even eat all the food! I am caught between shopping once a week and food going bad or getting boring, and the inability to shop every other day due to a very busy schedule and not having fresh food available means I succumb to fast food.

So I have poor money management skills, terrible binging habits, and weird habits revolving around cooking, eating, and food in general.

I also absolutely loathe physical activity. I like video games, books, movies, cuddling, sunbathing. Never in my life have I chosen a physical activity over a sedate one. I am cat-like, or perhaps even sloth-like.

Right now my big emotional struggle is whether or not it is okay for me to go back to eating mashed potatos with dinner because I miss them so freaking bad. Shockingly I do not miss bread, or pasta, or rice, or chow mein. I miss plain ol mashed potatoes but I keep banning myself from eating potatoes because OH GOD THE CARBS and I know low carb is the only way I lose weight.

But I am so freaking unhappy. I am struggling so freaking much. I really need help. :*(

Height: 5'9"
Age: 29
Gender: F

SW Jan 2012: 347
LW October 2012: 287
GW: 180
CW: 306

[Neanderthal Betty]

I want to say that I heard somewhere (mind you I have no facts to back this up) that realistically potatoes arent horrible as long as you counter act it with fat (lots of butter, sour cream, etc) I wouldnt make it an every day thing of course, but trial and error doesn't hurt in the long run. I'd say if you absolutely have to have mashed potatoes or the world is going to explode, then by all means allow yourself mashed potatoes every now and then.

Do you track on my fitness pal? Maybe figuring out what a standard serving of mashed potatoes comes out to, and then taking that into account with the rest of your meal planning for the day?

I can sympathize on a lot of the things that you mention as well (poor money management skills (it comes from the belief that I have a foreshortened future, yet I'm still here so you would think that I would learn better), binging episodes (eating primally and especially LCHF has helped a lot with this), I'm a food horder, etc etc etc) I just have to keep reminding myself that it is about the journey.

Its hard when you want change and you want it now...lol thats where patience comes in

[qqemokitty]

Thanks for your reply. Yes I do use MFP. qqemokitty there, as well. My tracking is sporadic. I have a long history of secret eating, I am very good about lying and hiding things I eat from people around me, and this displays on MFP with big empty gaps in my journal where I am too ashamed of what I ate to post it, heh.

I know a few others have told me to just go ahead and eat the damn potato, and I am trying to get my head around it. :P

[qqemokitty]

Here I am again. I ate all sorts of non-primal things over the weekend, partially in celebration of Valentine's, and partially in celebration of boyfriend and I's one year anniversary.

I am having a lot of trouble keeping primal this time around, and I can't figure out why. I don't think I am particularly unhappy/depressed (as I was when I went off the primal rails in November) but I just can't seem to kick the fast food habit right now.

I know at least part of it is not having a lot of time available for cooking. Since I started school a few weeks ago, I feel SO strapped for time, sometimes it's like I don't even have time to breathe. It is 1000000 times easier to just pick up a burger rather than take the 30 to an hour to cook.

I made a 6 pound kalua pork roast in my slow cooker yesterday, and I am super excited to eat some of it tonight with mashed potato.

[qqemokitty]

I think what I really need to do is a giant philosophical / practical reset. I need to get back to the beginning and re-read the Primal Blueprint and it's companions, re-read it starts with food, and immerse myself in the philosophies of the books.

I am considering buying the rich food poor food as well.

[epicuriousbynature]

Although I don't struggle with being overweight, a lot of what you have said sounds a bit famliar to me. It's hard to want something so badly, but yet finding the motivation to do it seems a bit impossible. Take it all one step at a time... try not to change it all at once and think about the great things in your life to help counter act what you see as negative.

I eat LCHF and although I'm not overweight, I do think about mashed potatoes and gravy, mostly when I'm easting roasted chicken. What I've found works for me when I get in a rut with food like that is GRAVY! HA, I love gravy and believe most things are better with gravy, so I make so many different sauces/gravy recipes that its awesome. Most people that don't follow the lifestyle scoff at gravy and how unhealthy it is because of the butter/fat and some of those that do partake in the lifestyle dont eat gravy/sauces because of the flour/cornstarch it takes to make the gravy, but if you can find your happy medium with the stuff, it's AMAZING!

I get VERY obsessive with my foods sometimes (currently Im doing a fat fast every week for a few days a week to boost a loss I want). I'm totally on a rant now.... gosh... off subject.... anywho... consider making brown gravy with drippings/butter/broth add in a few sliced up mushrooms, some guar gum and voila brown gravy over hamburger patties or roast beef! Easy peezy and I throw in a little goat cheese on the top for some added yum! Chicken made exactly the same way... leave out the mushrooms/cheese and there you have it, chicken and gravy! It's not mashed potatoes and gravy but think about that GRAVY!! Nom nom nom!

Just one step at a time... if you can't go all in 100% it's okay... make small changes where you can and if LCHF is what works, start there.... as the weight comes off, things will get easier and happier.... you'll find the motivation to cook more and make better choices.... you'll find the motivation to walk a little bit, parking further from the door to walk a little further... when you have the money for organic or grass fed, do it, when you don't, you don't. All in moderation with everything...

That's my two cents.

[qqemokitty]

Thank you SO much for that reply! I do love gravy as well, like, love love love love gravy in a scary hardcore way. xD

And yet never once have I made it. o.o I should! I will!

I think I have some bob's red mill all purpose flour that might do to thicken it. Not totes primal ofc but I already have it so it's cheap. :P

[qqemokitty]

I am becoming so annoyed by people on these forums who insist on ARGUING NONSTOP on every thread. You don't like each other, you don't agree, stfu.

Also people who are not primal lingering around here to talk about how it does not work for them and they are the rarefied exception to every rule.... BYE!

[Harpua]

My wife is a mashed potato fanatic and I have been able to get her to eat mashed cauliflower instead. i know it is definitely not the same, but it's pretty close. If you add some cheese or gravy, you can almost trick yourself into believing.

[epicuriousbynature]

Thank you SO much for that reply! I do love gravy as well, like, love love love love gravy in a scary hardcore way. xD

And yet never once have I made it. o.o I should! I will!

I think I have some bob's red mill all purpose flour that might do to thicken it. Not totes primal ofc but I already have it so it's cheap. :P

You're quite welcome! I use Xanthan Gum and Guar Gum to thicken, fiber balances out carbs to be ZERO!! Its fabulous! I make gravy and sauce for everything. Last night I made my gorgonzola cheese sauce to go over hamburger patties! Gravy... sauce... same thing! YUMMO!

They're super easy to make. I got inspired by a blog this weekend and made a KILLER sausage gravy for my poached eggs! Did I mention it was killer!?!? I didn't miss the biscuit one bit!!!!