Fat girl on a farm.
By a few suggestions I have decided to start my own journal. My time here at MDA has been interesting, confusing, enlightening and frustrating all at once!
So, let's get started with a little background. In January 2012, I was laid off from my job, certainly sending my into a fierce tailspin. I would sit alone in my empty apartment, eat, and wait for my boyfriend to come home from work. Awesome! In March it became apparent my mother's health was only getting worse. She could no longer take care of herself or the house, so, I moved back down to their home. It sits in the middle of nowhere Iowa on a 40 acre plot. Boyfriend and I keep our relationship together via weekend visits *sigh*
When I moved back down here, I fell in love with country life again (I was raised here, had horses and all the lot) and decided, "Hell, I'm going to start a farm!" Since then I have been gardening like a demon (for once in my life, I am naturally GOOD at something) milking cows and goats, chasing chickens and getting covered in dirt, hay, poop and other organic matter. In the spring/summer/fall, dirt under my nails is a constant. I'm used to it now
But, let's take a moment to talk about my health. It is the same as so many stories around here. When I was just a wee baby, I started losing weight rapidly. My parents, scared to death of course, went to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. Turns out, it was due to the fact that I didn't like my mother's milk. So, I was essentially starving the first whole month of my life. Doctors have always suggested that is why I over eat obsessively, binge, whatever. Something in my mental make up was always telling me I NEEDED MORE. I knew it when I was a young girl. 8 or 9. Why do I feel this way?
Speaking on nine years old, that's when my dad put me on my first diet. He lost 65 pounds (mom and dad are fat, fat, fat) doing atkins, so hey, his chubby daughter needed to do it too. That started the cycle that never ended. Don't get me wrong, my parents showed me the best of love, but I grew up hearing, "you're so pretty, when you get your weight under control boys will love you." I distinctly remember a day when I was 11. I outgrew a pair of pants. My mother was so upset she dragged me into the bathroom, made me strip my clothes and get on the scale. I actually got grounded for being fat. Ha. Now, here's my little rant. I wasn't raise to choose apples over candy bars. I wasn't raised to choose taking a walk over playing a board game or reading a book. I grew up with my parents offering cookies, candy, ice cream and bread. Then, suddenly, when they realized what was happening, it was my fault.
Anyway, I'm 22 years old now. I believe I have been on a diet every single year of my life since I was nine. Only to hit the wall after a month a BINGE like their was no tomorrow for months until I got angry at myself again.
In summer 2012, I started noticing something was wrong. I began getting excrutiating headaches that would put me to bed the rest of the day. I quickly did some research and found gluten intolerance to be the possible threat. So, I quit eating gluten and the headaches disappeared. Cool! Well, once they were gone for awhile, I starting eating the crap again until this January when things started to get worse. This time I was getting stomach cramps, bloat, diarrhea, rashes along with the headaches. I KNEW I had to stop. So, I did. But I didn't know what to eat. That's how I found primal. So, I started February first, and I don't intend to go back. I have a lot of weight to lose. I don't know how much, though. I've never been a healthy weight, so I couldn't tell you what it looks/feels like. I didn't weigh the first week. I weighed in the first day of week two at 306. Today, after another whole week I weigh 298. I am 6ft tall and large framed. But, I'm fat.
So, here's to me, the Fat girl on a farm. I am desperately searching for health and happiness.
Peace and love to you,
Last edited by Gladmorning; 02-14-2013 at 06:04 PM.
The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.