Fat girl on a farm. page 2

[Mud Flinger]

I used to weigh everyday in he beginning. As long as you don't wig out by the number it is no big deal. Just keep going. Tracking can be helpful in some ways so write that number down if your gonna look at it.

Also, the food thing gets much easier over time. I can smell pizza and remember that I liked it, but I have no impulse to eat it or any baked goods any more. It is like my brain does not register it as food. I look at foods that cause me issues like poison.

Love the animal pics! And the cutie BF pic too!

[Gladmorning]

Thanks Mudflinger. I think he's pretty freakin' fantastic

Today's mission: EAT MORE. For these two weeks I have had two days at 1100-1200 calories. Um, no. This isn't right. Yeah, yeah, fat adapted, whatever. My instincts say it's wrong when my BMR is 2221 and my TDEE is something like 2800 or some shit like that. Why am I eating so little? Well, who the hell knows. I'm not hungry. I go to the kitchen, make a good serving of food, and eat about half before I am too full to take another bite. Right now it was two eggs, about 2 ounces of sirloin and two spears of asparagus with flax seeds sprinkled on top (I fit these in wherever I can to get more Omega 3, plus I like CRUNCH)

Got about half way through before the "full bell" was blaring. I am truly afraid this is going to hurt me in the long run. The ever looming "starvation mode" scares the bajeezus out of me. I'm afraid my body is going to shut down, weight loss is going to come to a screeching halt and I am going to fail. Again. So, I don't know what to do. I've never, in my entire history, EVER felt like I couldn't eat. Unless I was violently ill, the will to eat passed the full bell has always been apparent. What the hell is going on.

I keep seeing posts and articles about the danger of eating below one's BMR. Welp, I'm way freaking below. Now it's all about TDEE. When I think about eating the amount to equal 2000-2500 calories, I actually feel sick. I just don't know how to do it. Maybe my body will regulate after a few more weeks. I've never wished for my appetite to come back, but right now, I'm searching for it.

[Mud Flinger]

Don't stress about not being hungry. Just eat good real foods when hungry and you will not fail. You may be used to sugar cravings based hunger and now are adjusting to better, more nutritious food. Your body may start just dumping excess weight as a result. If you feel well and can do all that your farm requires then go with it!

[JudyCr]

All of those pics are really great, I love the horse and guinea!!
You are a lovely young woman, Hannah, with gorgeous skin and teeth.
Som has a look of pride in his girlfriend

You will be amazed at your energy levels and positive moods if you'll stick with this way of eating/living.

[Gladmorning]

Thank you, Judy. That went straight to my core.

Through our two years together Som has seen me through three diets, numerous breakdowns and binge periods. Sometimes I wonder why he sticks around. He must actually love me

It's amazing! I told myself I was going to eat more, and I have. I ate the eggs at 8am, and at 11:15 I started to feel my weird hunger signal going off. My stomach rarely growls anymore. It gets this weird dull ache. I made a big ol' salad with romaine and spinach with 2.5 ounces of sirloin, cheese my own dressing and flax seeds again. I actually finished the sucker and I don't feel overly stuffed. Success. First time in a week I've been able to finish one.

I'll probably take a shangri-la style oil shot before I got to work this evening. I hate getting hungry at work, and that really works to hold it off.

[EagleRiverDee]

Thanks for sharing the photos. Love the critter pics!

FYI- at 3 weeks, yes, you may well be losing fat. I lost all my water weight in the first week. After that, it began to be fat loss.

I wouldn't worry about eating more if you're not actually hungry. Your body is adjusting to the new diet and it could be normalizing your hunger signals. I used to get super hungry, sometimes just after eating because of the wild swings in my blood sugar. I don't have the insulin spikes and dips any more, so my hunger now, when I have it, is real hunger. And I eat until I'm full and generally stay satisfied for many hours. It used to be I ate about every 2 hours. Now I eat about every four hours or sometimes go even longer. If I slept in and am being lazy on a Saturday, I might only eat once.

[namelesswonder]

Love your critter pics, you and your boy are a gorgeous couple, and I cannot wait to read more about your journey.

I'm 24, so I always love to see other younger folks coming in (we seem to be a minority here!) and posting actively.

[drssgchic]

Welcome, Hannah! (I have a cousin with that name, who also likes working on farms )

It sounds like you're learning your new hunger signals. That took me a while because fat-adapted "I'm hungry" isn't the same as carb-adapted "Must eat or diiiiiieeeee!!!!!"

As for your "goal weight," I bet that between PB eating, and your outdoor, farming lifestyle, it'll just happen. Just, for the love of Pete, don't go for a BMI "goal" if you know in your heart of hearts that they didn't set it with YOU in mind. You're gorgeous- don't mess with that

[Gladmorning]

You folks are wonderful. Thank you several time over.

Tonight, work at the bakery was HARD! I had a craving to gobble up every sweet and pastry in sight. It was horrible. I kept telling myself it would pass. I kept trying to talk myself through it. It just kept on going. It got to the point in which I was actually VISUALIZING myself eating the doughnuts in front of my face. Sick. The cravings got stronger and stronger until I finally ripped off a piece of strawberry cream cheese filled croissant and put it in my mouth. I did not chew. The first second, it was wonderful. Amazing. The croissant started to dissolve and the cream cheese melted. I thought to myself, "Why am I giving this up? Why am I doing this to myself?" Then a second later, I realized, this is great, but it's NOT worth failing for. That pastry was not worth dying for. And I spit it out.

Because that's what it is, right? Every time one eats something like that, they are slowly and surely killing themselves. Once I spit it out, the craving was gone. It was over. I finished the night in peace. I BEAT it. Tonight.

I am dreading the social even I have to go to on sunday. I know everyone is going to be drinking, and I am REALLY going to want a margarita. I know, I know, everyone should let themselves have a "Day." I'm afraid if I have one "day" I wont recover. I honestly thought about. Giving myself permission to just eat. I immediately starting thinking about all the foods I miss. Then I started cravings them. Intensely. This isn't a good idea. I have GOT to keep it together.

I am going to make Som some paleo brownies. Brownies are his favorite treat in the world. I want him to be able to enjoy them without me going absolutely crazy chewing on my fingers. I am excited to try the recipe, and I'll definitely let ya'll know how it turns out. He brought me roses last weekend, so I feel like I should do something special for him. He also brought me a box of chocolates. Poor thing forget what I was doing. I read the label. It said in bold "CONTAINS WHEAT." If it hadn't said that, I would have eaten the whole thing. I gave them to the family instead.

This is the one I am going to use. Paleo Brownies Recipe | This will be your favorite brownie!

[Gladmorning]

Oh, I wanted to add, I don't really have a weight loss goal. I can only imagine what I would look like at X weight, because I've never been there before. I mean, I'm sure I was at one time. But, I was 90lbs in second grade, so always over weight. I guess my one goal is to just get the first 100 lbs off. Then I'll reaccess if I ever reach down to 200lbs