Primal Journal - Bodkin's Daily Trek page

[Bodkin Van Horn]

Hey! I'm not sure if anyone is ever going to read this, but for my sake I need to keep a daily journal some place where I feel I will be kept somewhat accountable for the things I say I am going to do.

Ok, so as of now where I am starting I am:

- 18 years old
- 4ft 11in tall (don't tell me I'm short, I know)
- 110 lbs.
- Skinny-fat (actually Idk what my body fat % is, but I think it's pretty high. I am not weak, but I rly have no muscle definition)
- I have struggled with fatigue for the past 2.5 years, and only just last week got test results in saying I have hardly any good gut bacteria and my pancreas is putting out far, far too little enzymes. Heck, no wonder I ain't gettin no energy...so
- Taking per day (as recommened by doctor):
- 30 billion acidophilous
- Betaine (for stomach acidity)
- 500 mg pancreatic enzymes, with each time I eat (I started this and the two above 1 week ago)
- 3,000 mg omega 3 (in fish oil, so like 10 capsules per day.)
- 2,000 IU vitamin D
- 1600 mg(?) liposomal vitamin C
- B-complex
- 300 mg magnesium
- 30 mg iron


I have been basically grain free for the past year because of health reasons, but I go through these periods where I do too much cheating. I am going to make a pledge here and now, to go PRIMAL FOR LIFE. I know I won't be able to be 100% primal (grass-fed beef, grass-fed butter, farm eggs, wild game, full fat yogurt, etc.) until I'm a rich old lady with my own animals. But I will still be grain free, sugar free, crappy junk free, and eating a diet high in protein, fat, with veggies, fruit and some nuts as my only carbs.

My greatest wish/dream/goal--whatever you wanna call it--is this:

To have unlimited, boundless energy, to be able to walk, run, jump, hike, swim, bike, climb trees, rock climb, snow shoe, skate, ski, do yoga, and do muscle burning exercises without feeling like I'm going to crumple to the floor and die, and without have a major crash the next day that makes me want to just stay curled up in my bed forever. To have a fit, toned, healthy body that isn't soft with fat bulges in the wrong spots. I want to be alert and energetic for anything.

This might sound sappy, but I have this continuous day dream that I play over and over in my mind. It goes as thus:

A salty breeze blows through the air and teases my long tresses of sun-lightened hair. The late afternoon sun glances off my golden tanned skin, and warms the sandy beach. Ocean waves crash along the shore, and a sensation of excitement leaps inside me at the thought of riding the waves. Tucked under my arm I carry a surf board. It doesn’t matter if I really know how to use it yet, what matters is that I am actually going to.
I stop at the shore and let the waves wash over my bare feet. I turn my face to the sun, and in the moment I feel tremendous gratitude, and the most joyful sense of happiness. Gratitude for being able to come so far in my health and wellbeing, and happiness for…well every possible reason.
I am strong and slim, with muscle definition and obvious strength. Whatever I want to do, I can do, and fatigue never holds me back from anything. I feel wild and free, yet in control in a strange sense. This feeling expands as I step out into the waters and up onto my board. With powerful and graceful motions, I move about the waves with ease.
And I am reminded that whatever I want to do, I can do. And nothing is holding me back.

And there you have it

You know what I’ve heard quite a few times by a few of the great successful people of today? “If you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand.” So I have no doubt that this dream of mine will one day become a reality for me. My one problem right now is: how can I wait for that???? Gosh, I am one terribly impatient person when it comes to waiting for something I badly want…

Well goodbye for now, I may be back later…

Toodles!
Bodkin

[Bodkin Van Horn]

Another thing I am doing (which I started yesterday,) is I am attempting to go shampoo + conditioner free. So far, greasy hair. I'm not totally ready to give up my glycerin bar soap yet...I'm going to start with hair and then we'll see what happens.
I was reading the 'poo-less forum threads, and it was all quite interesting. I think it is very true that since your skin is your biggest organ, and it absorbs what you put on it, why should we put chemicals and poison on ourselves, only to actually take them inside? What they say is, "don't put things on your skin that you wouldn't put inside your body."
I know there are many alternatives to face washing (such as different oils and honey,) but as of yet I haven't looked for any raw honey (which I think I would prefer over oil) because I am afraid of what the price is going to be...
But oh well, I'll just start with the hair!

A couple years ago I went shampoo less, but I was using baking soda and vinegar for every wash. Man was my hair dried and frizzy! I am just going to use the b soda and an acidic rinse (maybe lemon juice) every 7-10 days and see what happens with my hair. I'm hoping I can forever get rid of having to buy sham+cond, and I'm hoping my skin becomes flawless. I also have minor, minor acne on my back and chest, which I think may be from the conditioner clogging things up. I shall see!

[Bodkin Van Horn]

Today I feel really good. I got up at 8, and although I kinda felt like crap at that time of the day, after breakfast I felt much better and I feel even better now.
For breakfast I had: italian sausage with 2 eggs scrambled, and half an apple. (I am trying to cut back on my fruit consumption and fill up more on fats, hence the half apple.)

Snack later: a string cheese, other half apple, some nuts.

Lunch: 1 can tuna with mayo, a clementine orange, and a grain free biscuit. I wouldn't normally eat the biscuit, but I had made like 6 of them the other day and can't make myself toss them. They are made from garbanzo bean flour mix, which makes the biscuits like 12 carbs each.

Using brain:
I worked today for about 3 hours.
I am in the middle of reading an awesome book called the 4-Hour Work Week. It's great, can't wait to pick it up again. I'll be doing some studying later and more reading, so a little more brain work to come.

As for exercise, I haven't really done any the last few days (or months for that matter). Day before last I did some stretching, but other than that nothing besides walking in house, at work and to and from car. I cannot wait for the days when I can't wait to exercise! Really looking forward to that. I haven't noticed any difference in energy levels yet from my enzymes and whatnot that I'm taking, although today I feel slightly more alert. I'm not sure if that would have anything to do with the supplements, but I'm hoping! Fingers are crossed.

I really want to start meditating daily, and even have some brain wave meditation to listen to, but as of yet have not made it a habit. I get really bored with things like that. I think I'll just start with 10 minutes per day and try to build myself up.

Well journal, gotta go!