Hitting your kids page 4

[bloodorchid]

i agree with your whole post, him

[TheFastCat]

As a non parent I am curious how no-spank parents develop resepct in a child that doesn't have any. When there is active disrespect to parents/adults/strangers - how do you *instill* respect? Beyond the logical explanation of "you should be respectful to X, Y, Z" what happens when they are deciding to be little turds?

[cori93437]

I don't believe that "it depends on the child." It depends on the parent. If a parent hits and the lesson ends there, of course the deviant behavior can continue. If parenting were as easy as hitting=success or guilt=success, we would have a world full of successful, well adjusted adults. But there is more to it than that. We have parents that hit without remorse or love and parents that coddle and never teach independance.

Sorry, but the child's personality absolutely plays a part in how it works.
The same parents with two children of two different emotional dispositions will have very different outcomes if they try and use the exact same discipline methods on both children no matter how hard they try and manage them identically.

Simple facts.

Lots of children get hit/spanked and get over it because children are for the most part very resilient little beasts.
Lots of children get over even unspeakable acts of violence and abuse inside the home to become, for all appearances, normal well adjusted adults.

But to other children not so much. They are less resilient to those early stage traumas, or they internalize it more.
It does make a real difference in the rate of violence in adults.

[Louisa655]

So here's a question for all the adults on this line of discussion:

It's Monday morning, and you have an interview at an organization that you are very excited about. You have prepared for this interview and you eagerly await the big meeting with the director. The director enters the interview room, sits down and asks for a copy of your resume. Oh my God --- it's the one thing you have overlooked throughout this whole process. Who could have known this Director would have asked for a copy of your resume.

You apologize for not bringing an extra copy of your resume, and the director stands up, approaches you, and smacks you across the face for being naughty in not bringing your resume.

At first you are shocked, and then you feel you 'deserve the punishment' for being so 'stupid' for forgetting something as basic as your resume.

Now let's pause a moment. Let's say you are a child. And let's say as a child you made a mistake, or overlooked something that your parents wanted from you. How did that smack across the face feel?

Did that smack make you a better person? Did that smack make you smarter? more effective? more responsible?

Did that smack make you feel more respectful to the role of authority?

What is the purpose of the smack and could the message have been delivered in a more respectful, thoughtful way?

I'm not pretending to know the answers to these questions....but someone needs to ask the questions here........

/signed, thoughtful

[TheFastCat]

So here's a question for all the adults on this line of discussion:

It's Monday morning, and you have an interview at an organization that you are very excited about. You have prepared for this interview and you eagerly await the big meeting with the director. The director enters the interview room, sits down and asks for a copy of your resume. Oh my God --- it's the one thing you have overlooked throughout this whole process. Who could have known this Director would have asked for a copy of your resume.

You apologize for not bringing an extra copy of your resume, and the director stands up, approaches you, and smacks you across the face for being naughty in not bringing your resume.

At first you are shocked, and then you feel you 'deserve the punishment' for being so 'stupid' for forgetting something as basic as your resume.

Now let's pause a moment. Let's say you are a child. And let's say as a child you made a mistake, or overlooked something that your parents wanted from you. How did that smack across the face feel?

Did that smack make you a better person? Did that smack make you smarter? more effective? more responsible?

Did that smack make you feel more respectful to the role of authority?

What is the purpose of the smack and could the message have been delivered in a more respectful, thoughtful way?

I'm not pretending to know the answers to these questions....but someone needs to ask the questions here........

/signed, thoughtful

I think that's a pretty blatant straw man argument/example. I don't think anyone advocates corporal punishment for a mistake on this level :/

[Damiana]

I got hit at school (another country) and at home. My parents have no problem with corporal punishment.

[bloodorchid]

i would respect his authoritah, lousia

i should have remembered my extra resume

also, i'm sorry,but who the f here is advocating a slapping a small child on the face for any reason

[cori93437]

I think that's a pretty blatant straw man argument/example. I don't think anyone advocates corporal punishment for a mistake on this level :/

Unfortunately... a lot of people do exactly that.



As an aside, with my own son... at one point I did have to take his books away. *sigh*
Because THAT was an effective punishment for him: grounding him from reading.
Weird but true.

[magicmerl]

I think that's a pretty blatant straw man argument/example. I don't think anyone advocates corporal punishment for a mistake on this level :/

No it's not. That's the sort of stuff that kids get hit for all the time.

When you subtitute another adult into the 'child' role it's easy to see how completely unacceptable the behaviour of the 'parent' is.

[bloodorchid]

who is advocating slapping a child across the face for a mistake?