Hitting your kids page 3

[Mud Flinger]

I was rarely hit growing up and don't think spanking is a very effective teaching tool ( I have a 17 and 5 yo). However, the swat on the pants to get a kid's attention when they are about to do real harm makes the point when kids are too young to reason with effectively ( best done while the kid is in the act and it's more of a suprise than painfull). A smack on the hand that is reaching for a hot burner makes the word " hot" have a bit more meaning. Most kids will still need to touch that hot iron before they believe you, but they then wish they had headed the warning. Real life is not gentle. We can not pad the whole world to prevent our kids from experiencing it so it is our responsibility to teach them how to respect and succeed in it, and some of those lessons may very well be less than pleasant.

[bloodorchid]

there is a very large line, in my mind at least, between spanking and beating

i am for spanking when kid is being a general turd

i am against abuse. it turns on my rage switch

[Mr.Perfidy]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and how they parent their children. This is just another topic that people won't agree on.

here's the rub of it really...

No, not everyone is entitled to their own opinion about parenting their children...Some people think that caging their child and hitting it with a firehose for fun is a valid parenting philosophy. Fuck them.

Also, your kids = people in my environment, and I have a right to meddle in their lives therefore, so as to minimize the chances of them climbing through my window and raping my wife at sharpened screwdriver-point.

[PrimalJewishAmericanPrincess]

I never got hit for the same thing twice, because after getting hit, I knew not to do it again. How many people can say that about a "time out"?

[magicmerl]

I never got hit for the same thing twice, because after getting hit, I knew not to do it again. How many people can say that about a "time out"?

Or indeed, about horse whips?

[Primal Pamme]

Smacking for putting something in a power socket?
It is our responsibility as parents to make their environment safe so they can't hurt themselves while they are still too young to understand those kind of consequences.
There is no need to say no to them every 2 mins, if we make it so they can explore.

I have to roll my eyes at this. Thanks for the new flash.

It was impossible to make my DS's environment totally safe. DS figured out those plastic lock things for cabinets by the time he was 10 months old. I had to move everything remotely harmful to him to my laundry room, then a month later he figured out how to get past the baby gate blocking the laundry room. Not long after, I found him on the kitchen counter. I still have no idea how he got up there. I could not let the kid out of my site. Those outlet plugs weren't a challenge for him. I was constantly putting them back in. Fortunately, I was right there when he tried to put the fork in it.

[cori93437]

I never got hit for the same thing twice, because after getting hit, I knew not to do it again. How many people can say that about a "time out"?

This is where the whole "it depends on the child" thing comes into play.

Because there are other kids who could have been spanked, continue the behavior so that they got spanked for the same damn thing at least once a week... and all getting spanked did was teach them to hide things better, become better liars, or become more angry themselves and transfer that anger to other children and later other adults (i.e. become bullies).
It happens all the time.

[Zeera]

I remember getting spanked by my father when I was very young when I really misbehaved, but I don't think it was more than 2-3 times total during my childhood. My mother never hit me in any way, until one time when I was about 15 and she smacked my cheek for mouthing off to her. I think it took her by surprise as much as it took me by surprise, because she looked shocked and got teary-eyed and apologized as soon as she did it. I don't plan on hitting or spanking my children when I have them. I don't think my SO would ever dream of laying a hand on a child either, he's far too gentle. I personally think there are better ways to make a child understand that what they did/how they are acting is unacceptable.

[PrimalJewishAmericanPrincess]

This is where the whole "it depends on the child" thing comes into play.

Because there are other kids who could have been spanked, continue the behavior so that they got spanked for the same damn thing at least once a week... and all getting spanked did was teach them to hide things better, become better liars, or become more angry themselves and transfer that anger to other children and later other adults (i.e. become bullies).
It happens all the time.

I don't believe that "it depends on the child." It depends on the parent. If a parent hits and the lesson ends there, of course the deviant behavior can continue. If parenting were as easy as hitting=success or guilt=success, we would have a world full of successful, well adjusted adults. But there is more to it than that. We have parents that hit without remorse or love and parents that coddle and never teach independance.

[Him]

Kids respond differently. Situations are different too. I was very independent from a young age and my parents pretty much tried to lead vs. force. I remember one time, I must've been under 10 or so, I really upset my parents and my father was trying to figure out some way to punish me... the only thing he could come up with was, "Do it again and we'll take your books away." We just looked at each other for a few seconds and he got this, "I can't believe I actually said that," look on his face. We both just started laughing, but the "lesson" was conveyed. That isn't to say that I was never spanked, but spanking wasn't really an effective punishment for me.

That said...I think it's insane to think that a parent physically disciplining a child will teach that child that violence is a solution. Why? Because our physical reality, the animal world, life in general, teaches that violence is a solution. Even more, because violence IS a solution. A tree is growing somewhere you don't want? Cut it down. Rabbits eating your garden? Shoot and eat them. A man is coming at you with a knife? Shoot them. Japan bombs Pearl Harbor? You get the idea. Violence is ABSOLUTELY a solution.

Good parenting isn't about trying to hide things from kids, it's about teaching other, better, ways of living.

Violence is a solution, but it is very VERY rarely the best solution. I was brought up fairly well so 99.9999% of the time I have BETTER solutions than violence. I, like most reasonably sane people, prefer to use the best solution available. That doesn't mean when faced with the 0.0001% situation I won't use violence. If violence is the best solution, as it sometimes is, then you are a fool if you don't use violence.

When I was growing up I knew kids who didn't have other solutions. I remember one kid, he fell off his bicycle and proceeded to start picking it up and throwing it to the ground. It was his own bicycle, and it was just a machine - it couldn't be punished - but that's the only solution he had at that point. That kid's parents were failures, but it wasn't because they somehow taught him that violence was a solution. It was because they didn't teach him about other, better, solutions. I actually tried, even then... I remember telling him something like, "the bike doesn't feel anything, but your life will be worse if you break your bike," but by that point in his life it was probably too late to teach him better solutions.