Hitting your kids page 21

[Kata]

My parents never really had to spank me because I feared my mother's "stink face" more than anything. She'd narrow her eyes and purse her lips and inhale sharply, and I'd immediately stop doing whatever it was that was making her make that face.

[Uncephalized]

I understand your point completely. My remark was meant flippantly. I was also not advocating chasing anyone around. I was also not suggesting screaming at them, threatening them, degrading them verbally, or abusing them mentally all of which can be done by people of all sizes, all sexes, and at any time all without ever laying a finger on a child. The point being that any parenting technique can be scary given the method in which it is delivered. The OP seems to think that physical contact with a child in the scope of discipline (for lack of a better term) is automatically scary. I would say that that is not necessarily the case.

Agree. I still think that intentionally causing pain is an inappropriate form of discipline, though.

[Urban Forager]

There is no shortage of violence and pain in this world, which an attentive parent can use instructively to illuminate the pitfalls of the world the child needs to learn to navigate. The parent doesn't need to be one more source of danger.
[/B]

I don't know if you are planning on having kids, but I think the world could use more parents like you. IMO children need a safe place to explore the world, in order for them to do that they need to trust their parents. If the parent becomes the source of danger then the whole world is suspect, it can take a life time of effort to unlearn that lesson. The relationship with the parent is the the primary template for all other relationships.

Neither I nor my husband were raised by careful or thoughtful parents because of that we decided to raise or son differently. We never spanked him or insisted that he say thank you and please instead we say those things as a matter of course. We now have a wonderful 14 yr. old who always says thank you and please and he even opens doors for people, which we never told him to do. We treat him with respect and he treats us with respect.

[canio6]

Agree. I still think that intentionally causing pain is an inappropriate form of discipline, though.

Sure, one could argue that a small pain now is better than a large pain later, but that is for each person to decide on their own.

[kenn]

For someone wanting to learn self defense over sport, and as far a "styles" go, most Krav Maga stuff looks pretty good. I say that without having studied KM. You're just more likely to find a school around the country.

My background is in TKD, Arnise (a lot of knife self defense), Jeet Kune Do, some Aiki-jutsu and Jujitsu. What's most important is who you are training from, what's their background, and their expertise. With the exception of TKD all my training was under a former police officer and others in the organization. The advantage of that was in getting taught by people having first hand experience....which isn't the same as getting instruction from a TKD instructor who may have never been in a street encounter in his life.

You will fight the way you practice. So if you take a Judo class you will learn some good take down tactics (Judo is a good sport for kids and useful on playground fight) but you will not learn how to jab your finger into an attacker's eyes. So if and when you get into a street encounter your training, or lack thereof, will kick in (no pun intended) you'll resort to that training. You might instinctively go for an arm bar when a strike to the attacker's eyes would've quicker and easier. It won't look good on a movie set, though.

Brazilian Jujutsu (BJJ) is very useful to learn. It maybe the best system for learning how to fight/wrestle on the ground. But the sport side of BJJ teaches to deliberately take the fight to the ground. That's not something you want to deliberately do on the street. What if he's got a knife or a friend of his near by has one? You can't run away. TKD doesn't even teach you to wrestle or go to the ground.

These are some videos from my main instructor https://www.youtube.com/results?q=ho...=w1&authuser=0. We incorporated a lot of drills from Arnise to build flow but we also would mix it up to introduce an element of chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzgdOzJASeM


If you want to learn Close Quarter Combat (CQC), and not just a martial sport, you got to shop around and interview the instructor. If he's a former navy seal or army ranger with a good martial arts background you're probably good to go. In an instructor, I want an emphasis on breaking apart situations/scenarios and then using strategy and tactics to deal with that situation. What are the what/ifs? What improvised weapons are in the environment? Incorporate training guns and knives, and multiple attackers. A seasoned police officer who's had to mix it up a lot is a good resource.

And for kids?

[cori93437]

Sure, one could argue that a small pain now is better than a large pain later, but that is for each person to decide on their own.

Except that there is always a way for the parent to teach the same thing that simply doesn't involve the hitting.

[Uncephalized]

I don't know if you are planning on having kids, but I think the world could use more parents like you. IMO children need a safe place to explore the world, in order for them to do that they need to trust their parents. If the parent becomes the source of danger then the whole world is suspect, it can take a life time of effort to unlearn that lesson. The relationship with the parent is the the primary template for all other relationships.

Neither I nor my husband were raised by careful or thoughtful parents because of that we decided to raise or son differently. We never spanked him or insisted that he say thank you and please instead we say those things as a matter of course. We now have a wonderful 14 yr. old who always says thank you and please and he even opens doors for people, which we never told him to do. We treat him with respect and he treats us with respect.

My wife and I do plan to have kids in a few years, yes. Thanks for the vote of confidence, but we'll see how it goes when we get there. I think it's great that treating your kid that way worked out.

[Mr.Perfidy]

Kids will learn about violence from other kids, typically at a very early age.

It sounded like her son had never been hit, according to her thread, and her later posts in this thread, so, untrue.

That's no reason to teach them that their parents are to be obeyed out of fear (and yes, if you use physical pain as a reinforcement, fear is exactly what you are instilling--to varying degrees depending on the sensitivity of the child). You're teaching them that larger and more powerful people have authority because of their ability to impose violence on others.

as literally every square foot of the planet earth is claimed by monopolist aggressors (governments), "larger and more powerful people have authority because of their ability to impose violence on others" is in fact the rule of the earth. When they are unjustly harassed on the road as adults and fucked with an unnecessary fine, they will understand this as a property of aggression power dynamics, rather than act like some people I know and assume some kind of guilt over it.

This is entirely different from learning about violence, and the correct responses to it (which should be, in my opinion 1) avoidance followed by 2) swift and decisive defeat of the aggressor in case it's unavoidable and finally 3) survival by any means necessary if the aggressor can't be stopped. In no case should you EVER teach a child to aggress, which is what you are doing if you escalate to hitting them for a non-violent offense),

I was talking about hitting the kid that hits his brother...an act of aggression. It is protecting the brother from more aggression and teaching him that aggressors get smacked down.

There is no shortage of violence and pain in this world, which an attentive parent can use instructively to illuminate the pitfalls of the world the child needs to learn to navigate. The parent doesn't need to be one more source of danger.

I just don't think this to be true. Where in any relationships anywhere ever do you find some kind of absolute inability to commit treachery? Why should people not learn early on that all hands might bring hurt? A property of hands is their ability to harm...

[Scott F]

And for kids?

no. I was talking to an adult who has a 14 year old who himself is planning to studying Aikido for "self defense." Don't confuse sport with self defense training. And don't let the cool moves in Aikido trick you into an illusion this stuff is very useful in self defense and will allow you to handle and control an attacker.

[canio6]

Except that there is always a way for the parent to teach the same thing that simply doesn't involve the hitting.

Fair enough. I am not trying to advocate hitting anyone. I am merely trying to bring up the idea that it is far more often the people involved rather than the technique used that makes a difference not that any one is better than the other.