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Thread: Hitting your kids page 12

  1. #111
    canio6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayla2010 View Post
    But I still want to know if people do it in a calm and rational situation, and just a tap. Maybe this I could see as OK, but is the point to make them afraid of doing it again? Its the afraid thing that mkes me see it as not OK
    The point is to say "OW that hurt. I will avoid that in the future." It is like being grounded - it is boring as hell so lets not misbehave again. Or it is like missing an event and you really wanted to go so lets behave next time. etc.

  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    and we have people here who seriously asked if we'd slam a kid into the wall or punch them

    it's a little 'out there' and offensive

    one person on another thread said smack the brat
    And there still has not been a definitive answer on what constitutes "enough" spanking.
    A smack on the bottom.
    A smack on the hand.
    Smack them in the face... like the OP said... so it swells up?
    Multiple smacks on the bottom with your own hand?
    Multiple smacks on the bottom with some other implement? What implement is OK to use?

    The thing is... I don't think my father, before I was born and he started parenting, ever set out to be an abuser.
    He simply started smacking me thinking it was a good way to parent. Kid does thing I don't want kid to do, smack kid, kid stops doing thing.
    And when it eventually didn't get the desired results, he just did it some more.and some more, and some more.
    And he honest had more issues than that... which was why violence/beating/etc

    But I think that is a road that more parents take than would like to admit it.
    They smack their kid because it's the easiest thing to do.
    And then they smack them some more, because they never learned any other tools for dealing with them.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    i'm not arguing. i mean, i COULD, as i was pretty offended earlier. but i'm not. i'm putting my experience and my opinion out there, with the words 'i am pro-spanking, i am anti-child murder'
    Sorry you were offended, I hope I cleared up, that I wasn't saying just because you smack you would do worse, but I know it CAN lead to more, when anger is involved.

  4. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    The point is to say "OW that hurt. I will avoid that in the future." It is like being grounded - it is boring as hell so lets not misbehave again. Or it is like missing an event and you really wanted to go so lets behave next time. etc.
    What about just explaining why its not OK? And they learn that its better just to not. So being afraid to repeat what they did wrong? Does anyone else not worry about the fear thing? It bothers me a lot. I don't want my children to be afraid of me, for any reason.

  5. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by cori93437 View Post
    And there still has not been a definitive answer on what constitutes "enough" spanking.
    A smack on the bottom.
    A smack on the hand.
    Smack them in the face... like the OP said... so it swells up?
    Multiple smacks on the bottom with your own hand?
    Multiple smacks on the bottom with some other implement? What implement is OK to use?

    The thing is... I don't think my father, before I was born and he started parenting, ever set out to be an abuser.
    He simply started smacking me thinking it was a good way to parent. Kid does thing I don't want kid to do, smack kid, kid stops doing thing.
    And when it eventually didn't get the desired results, he just did it some more.and some more, and some more.
    And he honest had more issues than that... which was why violence/beating/etc

    But I think that is a road that more parents take than would like to admit it.
    They smack their kid because it's the easiest thing to do.
    And then they smack them some more, because they never learned any other tools for dealing with them.
    I am really sorry for you This sucks, and the only experience I know of smacking too.

  6. #116
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    Ayla you obviously miss the point of not using fear to teach lessons, because you keep repeating, "it's illegal in NZ" as if it has not occured to you that "illegal" is code for, "strange men will come and hurt and maybe kill you."

    Its great if there is anyone out there who smacked calmly and rationally, but I am just not sure why if you were calm and rational you would just talk through the problem instead.
    because...(3rd time)- when you do this to your child specifically as mentioned in your thread, violence is still just an idea. Its a concept, a mystery word that mommy uses. When his lips swells up from a smack in the mouth though, he tastes violence and feels it. Then you can try words again, now that that word is no longer a concept, and is instead an experience label that makes his belly uncomfortable to dwell on.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  7. #117
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    and meat has everything to do with it- you can't teach your kid that violence is wrong and feed him animals that were murdered and skinned and chopped up and cooked.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  8. #118
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    Paternal grandmother spanked me all the time. That is all that I remember of her. She died around when I was 6. Mom hit with whatever was in hand (belt, brush, plastic bag) but few and far times. She was more effective with guilt. Dad was not allowed to touch us.

  9. #119
    canio6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayla2010 View Post
    What about just explaining why its not OK? And they learn that its better just to not. So being afraid to repeat what they did wrong? Does anyone else not worry about the fear thing? It bothers me a lot. I don't want my children to be afraid of me, for any reason.
    I guess I do not consider myself particularly scary. And obviously it depends on the kid. If a kid will listen to what you have to say and perhaps not hit their brother on multiple occasions and then perhaps not go to school and hit/not hit kids there then that might just work. Other kids might need to be put in time out or grounded or get a smack on the butt occasionally. It depends on the kid.

  10. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    and we have people here who seriously asked if we'd slam a kid into the wall or punch them

    it's a little 'out there' and offensive

    one person on another thread said smack the brat
    And there still has not been a definitive answer on what constitutes "enough" spanking.
    A smack on the bottom.
    A smack on the hand.
    Smack them in the face... like the OP said... so it swells up?
    Multiple smacks on the bottom with your own hand?
    Multiple smacks on the bottom with some other implement? What implement is OK to use?

    The thing is... I don't think my father, before I was born and he started parenting, ever set out to be an abuser.
    He simply started smacking me thinking it was a good way to parent. Kid does thing I don't want kid to do, smack kid, kid stops doing thing.
    And when it eventually didn't get the desired results, he just did it some more.and some more, and some more.
    And he honest had more issues than that... which was why violence/beating/etc

    But I think that is a road that more parents take than would like to admit it.
    They smack their kid because it's the easiest thing to do.
    And then they smack them some more, because they never learned any other tools for dealing with them.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


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