Ayla you obviously miss the point of not using fear to teach lessons, because you keep repeating, "it's illegal in NZ" as if it has not occured to you that "illegal" is code for, "strange men will come and hurt and maybe kill you."
because...(3rd time)- when you do this to your child specifically as mentioned in your thread, violence is still just an idea. Its a concept, a mystery word that mommy uses. When his lips swells up from a smack in the mouth though, he tastes violence and feels it. Then you can try words again, now that that word is no longer a concept, and is instead an experience label that makes his belly uncomfortable to dwell on.
Its great if there is anyone out there who smacked calmly and rationally, but I am just not sure why if you were calm and rational you would just talk through the problem instead.
"Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."
Jack london, "Before Adam"