Hitting your kids page 10

[bloodorchid]

Not for me.

which did you experience?

[cori93437]

Yup, I am alive and don't suffer depression or other ailments as a result and I am fairly happy. My siblings have not fared as well.

To acknowledge the difference, he beat us and he spanked us, but when you are the kid in the midst of it, there is really no difference. It all reads the same.

Same boat.
Beat and spanked... and there wasn't a clear distinction in my home either.

But if you asked many who spank where the line is, their line for what is an acceptable spanking may be VERY different that yours.
Their "spanking" may be your "beating". Or vice versa.

In my father's view a spanking wasn't effective unless it had elicited some response from the victim.
And I'm aware that this is common with most people who spank.
However, after my mother's death, when I was 7, I became pretty emotionally shut down... and any sort of violence completely shut me off. Thus I was mute and completely non-reactive even thought I felt it all.
At various times I was "spanked" by hand, with belts (both thin and thick, including the buckle ends), with wire cords, with green hickory switches that still had sharp spines where the side twigs were cut away that broke the skin and caused bleeding, with that old thick yellowy latex rubber surgical tubing(good god that shit was wicked), etc.

And those were the "spankings", as in lashing to my ass for a "reason"... not the spontaneous beatings that seemed to happen for no real reason that I could discern or if I could discern the reason at least one I could not understand, and probably included getting hit in the face or choked.

And while I don't know many people who were beat like me, as in hit/punched... most of the people I grew up with, and many of my friends over the years, have all shared stories of the implements that they were "spanked" with, and how often marks including bruises were left behind.
I'm pretty sure that a good portion of the time "spanking" crosses the line.

[bloodorchid]

i can count on one hand the number of times i was spanked, and the anticipation was worse than the experience

in my area, verbal and emotional abuse are the 'norm'. one experience cannot color all experience. spanking is not beating.

i have emotional issues from many experiences in my life, spanking is not one of them. spanking is actually the nicer experience. i was not warped and will not turn into an abusive beast who slaps, throws and screams at any child i may have

[Ayla2010]

No sorry, maybe I didn't word it correctly.

I know for ME, the only time I have wanted to smack is when I am angry, and I can see how doing it in this situation, can lead to more if a person was not able to stop themselves. And yes I have seen it happen, and had it happen to me.

Look there probably are people who can just do just a smack, but I have not see this myself or experienced it growing up.

Isn't the point of a smack to make the child fear doing it again? Why does making them afraid to do it again seem the right thing to do? What about them learning to not want to because they know its not the right thing to do, and they actually want to do the right thing?

I am sorry, I don't want to argue. I am trying to understand where other people are coming from.
I just see fear as the reason for doing this.

For those who were smacked, were you not afraid to do the wrong thing? Is that not why you say it "worked"?

[Ayla2010]

which did you experience?

All.
It was occasionally just a "smack" but since it was always done in anger it often, and I mean often it lead to way more, as the person doing it was not able to stop.

Like I said, some may stop at a tap. And that is good.

Id like to hear from someone who smacked while calm and rational and not angry. Or did you use some other method because of not being angry?

[Ayla2010]

And it was not just one experience sadly. I witnessed many, and experienced many.

This thread is really scaring me actually. And bringing back many memories.

[canio6]

If you are smacking your child out of anger you are doing it wrong. Spanking should be done when you are calm and rational. You are not hitting them to make yourself feel better. You are spanking them as a consequence to an action. You seem to think it is different from what you do - it is but isn't. Ideally a parent would discuss why what the child did was wrong, get them to understand they should not do it again, and spank them as a consequence. Kind of like a judge says, "Mr. Canio, you were speeding. This is why you shouldn't do that. Oh, this is your fine." He isn't screaming at me or throwing the gavel.

Now do parents f*ck this up? Of course they do. That is because most people should not be allowed to breed. Most should just be sterilized. My wife grew up in a country where spanking was illegal, was never spanked in her life, yet, she was sexually abused for years and emotionally abused to the point that child protective services removed her from her home.

Abusers abuse no matter what.

[cori93437]

i can count on one hand the number of times i was spanked, and the anticipation was worse than the experience

in my area, verbal and emotional abuse are the 'norm'. one experience cannot color all experience. spanking is not beating.

What I'm saying is that there are many people out there who just plain don't know the difference.
Every "spanking" my father doled out was completely calm and rationally explained. Yet left bruises and occasionally blood.

And remember... the OP of this thread was actually advocating smacking a child in the face.
Yeah he did that in another thread, but that was the impetus that started this topic.

[Ayla2010]

If you are smacking your child out of anger you are doing it wrong. Spanking should be done when you are calm and rational. You are not hitting them to make yourself feel better. You are spanking them as a consequence to an action. You seem to think it is different from what you do - it is but isn't. Ideally a parent would discuss why what the child did was wrong, get them to understand they should not do it again, and spank them as a consequence. Kind of like a judge says, "Mr. Canio, you were speeding. This is why you shouldn't do that. Oh, this is your fine." He isn't screaming at me or throwing the gavel.

Now do parents f*ck this up? Of course they do. That is because most people should not be allowed to breed. Most should just be sterilized. My wife grew up in a country where spanking was illegal, was never spanked in her life, yet, she was sexually abused for years and emotionally abused to the point that child protective services removed her from her home.

Abusers abuse no matter what.

This is my experience with any form of hitting. Only done in anger.

I have asked if anyone does it calmly, so waiting to see that.

[Ayla2010]

What I'm saying is that there are many people out there who just plain don't know the difference.

And remember... the OP of this thread was actually advocating smacking a child in the face.
Yeah he did that in another thread, but that was the impetus that started this topic.

Yes exactly. Good on those who do. I just believe their a better way, as it still makes the child fear doing it again. Sure it gets the results sometimes, but does it have to involve fear?

Yes I did not think my thread would cause this