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Thread: Any gentle/attached parents around? Need advice? page

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    Ayla2010's Avatar
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    Any gentle/attached parents around? Need advice?

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    Anyone else follow gentle/attached parenting methods around here?
    Need a bit of guidance about how to deal with my 5 year old who has just started school.
    I only have half the picture right now, as he seems to struggle with explaining what has been happening without adding things he has heard from TV in there. And the teacher is hopeless at explaining everything. I have just written a huge list of things that I have gotten out of my son, that I want clarification on.
    OK so I know we have been guilty of way to much tv, which was cut down to 30 mins each night since school started a week ago. Sadly his show of choice was The Simpsons, and yes I know now, bad parenting right there, he is learning so much garbage off it, so that will def stop.

    We try to talk through everything, we don't use punishments or rewards. But we do have boundaries, and he knows them. But hitting is one thing we are having a problem with. Hitting his brother when he does something to make him angry. We do talk about how you need to express anger with words, and we model that, we don't hit our children. We empathise with him about his frustration, and clarify what it is he needs. The teacher has told me several times over the week he has hit other children and he has been cautioned about keeping hands to himself. He says he doesn't hit though, so its hard. He has no reason to lie. But I need to know from the teacher has this been witnessed or is she being told from another child. He is telling me its the same kid always hitting him. We have not had a problem with lying, or hitting other children (besides his brother), so I am trying my best to work out what we need to do to help him. I guess again the TV is the big problem here.
    I know children do not just "act up" for the sake of it. Its generally because some need is not being met, or they are tired, or hungry etc. Now as for hunger I make sure that my son has plenty of primal foods for his lunch/recess, which he nearly always leaves some, as I really do give him a lot. As for sleep, this age they need around 12 hours right? We are working on that, but he has been going to bed around 7.30 each night, but since its summer here, its still quite light, so its been a struggle. So that could be something to do with it. He has completed one full week of school, so I know every thing is all new for him. He does love school though.

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    Would it be incredibly annoying of me, to ask the teacher to keep notes about any incidents that occur at school? And what was done about it? I, along with another mum from school find her so vague about explaining things. Yes they need to do their job, but knowing what is going on is so important to me so we can work through it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayla2010 View Post
    Would it be incredibly annoying of me, to ask the teacher to keep notes about any incidents that occur at school? And what was done about it? I, along with another mum from school find her so vague about explaining things. Yes they need to do their job, but knowing what is going on is so important to me so we can work through it.
    I don't know much about teaching or parenting, but my instinct would be that she should definitely keep notes for you! If you can work out issues at home, then she won't have to deal with them in the classroom, so it benefits her as well!

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    I am not a parent, but I was a teacher for whatever that is worth. I do not think it would be annoying to ask, but it may not be something she is able to do in the detail you wish due to other demands. Let's say a kid does hit your son (or vice-versa), she now has to break it up, get them calmed down, watch the other kids, try to teach a lesson, and now write a note about it? Yeah, it might not happen.

    Personally, I would arrange with the teacher a time to speak with her one-on-one about your concerns. Take 30 minutes or so to go over some incidents/reports from your son and see what is going on. At that time you could ask for some updates - daily, once a week, whatever the teacher can accomplish, within reason.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahelyse View Post
    I don't know much about teaching or parenting, but my instinct would be that she should definitely keep notes for you! If you can work out issues at home, then she won't have to deal with them in the classroom, so it benefits her as well!
    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    I am not a parent, but I was a teacher for whatever that is worth. I do not think it would be annoying to ask, but it may not be something she is able to do in the detail you wish due to other demands. Let's say a kid does hit your son (or vice-versa), she now has to break it up, get them calmed down, watch the other kids, try to teach a lesson, and now write a note about it? Yeah, it might not happen.

    Personally, I would arrange with the teacher a time to speak with her one-on-one about your concerns. Take 30 minutes or so to go over some incidents/reports from your son and see what is going on. At that time you could ask for some updates - daily, once a week, whatever the teacher can accomplish, within reason.
    Thats sort of what I gathered about the notes. Its just hard, as after school she has parents lining up to speak to her (I guess we are all first time kindy parents LOL)
    I will speak with her briefly in the morning, and explain that id like to have a good chat, as I said I wrote a list, as I tend to forget what I planned to discuss with her.

    What age kids did you teach? This young? I guess first year of school especially all their emotions are all over the place. Is what I have written normal sort of behaviour, of course not OK behaviour, but something commonly seen when first starting school?
    Once I know the full story that will help of course.

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    Oh and the confusing reality with tv? I gather since he has been watching so much its probably what happens?

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    As in we were discussing todays incident, and then he says they held him upside down over a rubbish bin. Then we asked him to explain further, and we worked it was from diary of a whimpy kid.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayla2010 View Post
    What age kids did you teach? This young?
    No I taught 12-17 year olds (not all at the same time). They have a different set of issues. As for parents lining up to speak with her - yeah, that is not great. I would set up an appointment to talk to her when she has time to actually listen and respond Best of luck.

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    Oh yeah I am sure that age group does. Something to look forward too lol. Thanks. I could possibly, maybe, potentially be over thinking things (hence why I am up at midnight), but its so important to me, that my son knows his feelings are important, and if something is bothering him, we can work through it.
    I can't believe it took this long to realise the TV thing, really kicking myself now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayla2010 View Post
    I can't believe it took this long to realise the TV thing, really kicking myself now.
    Eh, welcome to parenting, and the reason I wont ever do it. I have enough reasons to kick myself already

    lighten up on yourself, you're up at midnight worrying about your kid. That sounds like good parenting to me.

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