Any gentle/attached parents around? Need advice? page 7

[Ayla2010]

Umm kids hit because they lack the verbal skills to express themselves, they lack the ability to control impulses, they might not be able to reason fully, and they act feelings out instead of saying what they are feeling. Hopefully, as adults we have evolved enough to express ourselves, to control our impulses, and to reason. It is completely inappropriate for an adult to hit a child. Period. Hitting a child in response to their aggression makes no sense. Gee Johnny it's wrong to hit but I can hit you because um why because I am bigger and stronger than you. Geez. I thought we had evolved as a species far enough to understand that MAKES No Freaking sense. My child is 7 and has never been hit. There has never been reason to. There has never been a situation where I thought "hmm I could teach her how to act appropriately or I could smack her which would go the farthest?... why smacking of course." Never. I was raised in a family that believed in hitting and it taught me nothing good or useful. It hurt my relationship with my parents and it makes me struggle with the impulse to hit when angry. Gee that's helpful. My siblings followed my parents path but in my case the violence stopped with me. Thankfully, my daughter will never know the trauma of being hit by one of the two people in this world that are here to protect her. Unfortunately, she does witness me struggling to control my temper over stupid crap because of the way I was parented. Sigh.

Yes exactly

[Ayla2010]

As a childless person, I've been keeping my nose out of this- but I have to say that the teacher (any authority figure) is NOT right if they are wrong. They should be given the benefit of the doubt, and respected initially, but if they are NOT right then they are NOT right and being in a position of authority does NOT grant them absolution for being wrong.

Respect authority, but expect authority to retain that respect by deserving it.

Yep.
I have spoken to the teacher and the teacher in charge of kindy who spoke to my son and the other 2 boys yesterday.
My sons teacher was very open to keeping a note of any future incidences.
Thy understand my need to know exactly what is going on to deal with it at home.

There was only one incidence of actual hitting after another child pushed him. The other times he has been spoken to it was due to him and 2 other boys (always the same 2) that were wrestling. They don't know who starts this game but at this school they don't allow that kind of play, which is fine. They just spoke to them all about not playing rough games. The reason the teacher in charge of kindy spoke to them was because thy has been warned. This game has been happening during lunch. In class they do get silly but she is keeping an eye on it and separates them if needed.
So there you go. Not as bad as I thought. We will continue to talk about not playing rough games. I did learn that I rely onto much tv so that is changing.

[Ayla2010]

Primal yes me too, but I am getting much better with it.
Peaceful parents, happy kids by Dr Markham has helped. She also has a website called aha parenting.

I also spoke to the canteen as they had a home made food menu. Nothing 100% primal but homemade sounded promising, yes they make it with fake chicken products I can handle letting him have the odd piece of cake for a child's birthday or a piece o bread at a sausage sizzle but can't buy fake chicken. Oh well he hasn't asked I just considered it as something I might do sometimes.

[marcadav]

Ayla, my take, as a former teacher and parent of 3, on your son's issues at school and the teacher's "lack of detail" is that the teacher knows that many "out of the ordinary" behaviors happen with new beginnings. She is letting you know about the hitting because it is a behavior that can not be tolerated in a classroom/school setting. Her lack of details might be because she believes/hopes this behavior, by all involved, will resolve itself with time, becoming familiar with the classroom settings/other children, gentle reminders to "keep hands to self and in class consequences.

It is the first week of school and I am confident the teacher is letting the kids know what the classroom and school rules are. She is also, most likely, easing these young children into the consequences for not following the rules.

I also believe that your son, not having major hitting issues in the past, can and will learn new ways of dealing with the other new kids and their issues with hitting. Especially as they all move from being strangers to becoming classmates and friends.

As a parent, especially when we first send our children off to school, it is hard to hear about "inappropriate behavior/choices". However, it can be a good time to start an important life lesson. That lesson is that all choices have consequences. And while we can decide on the choice, the consequence that comes from the choice can be out of our control.

If things do not settle down in the next few days to a week I suggest 2 things:
1. Go in and observe the class, especially if there is a definite time when hitting seems to happen.
2. Meet with the teacher and work out a plan you both can be comfortable with to deal with the issue.

As to the notes by the teacher I think time is needed for your son and the other the kids to get used to the routine and all that school entails. If the hitting continues then you can have "notification of incidents" as part of the agreed to plan of action. You can also involve your son in getting those notifications.

Does this teacher have a meet the teacher night/meeting for the parents where she discusses her program, expectations, etc.?

[Ayla2010]

I replied above about the discussion with the teacher
One actual hitting incident, but I think you are right though about no explaining, it makes sense

[Ayla2010]

Oh and she did say at this age group it is very normal for them not to be able to fully explain things that have happened. I was hoping this was the case, so I feel better about that now.

[Ayla2010]

This is the second night of no TV, and they have not even asked for it.

[canio6]

Wait, the school doesn't allow the kids to play rough? I don't mean fight, but wrestle etc? That is kind of sad. I know growing up we played all kinds of rough games at school. It was great.

Edit: and I am not looking for justification or explanation nor am I saying it is wrong/right/whatever. I just think it a bit sad.

[JayGee]

No TV made an enormous difference in my childrens' behavior. The first day or two was hard for them, but now they are so immersed in their playing, reading, jumping, creating and building every day that they rarely even ask for TV. Does your son eat primally? Taking wheat out of my daughter's diet + no TV was the miracle behavior changer I had been hoping for! Best of luck to you!

[AuH2Ogirl]

Thanks for the advice. I am reluctant to do the punishment and reward thing. I don't want him to not hit just so he can watch tv.

But that's what small children understand. They don't understand the complexities of social behavior. Something's either wrong, or it's not. If I do this, there's a consequence. If I don't, there isn't.