Any gentle/attached parents around? Need advice? page 6

[Ayla2010]

Hey, Ayla2010, I feel for you. It's heartbreaking to see your little one having a hard time. What is your son like in general? I ask because even thought my son was in daycare from 3 months, it was a very warm family environment until two and then a small, progressive preschool from 2-4. Even with all that "socialization", he was ill-prepared for public kindergarten. It wasn't really a bad public school, just more diverse behavior-wise than he was accustomed to. He was small, kind of pretty and very sweet-natured. I think he figured out very quickly that a more macho style was going to present more effectively. We had some issues with aggression and gravitating towards "bad" boys. I don't know if his 1st grade class was better or if he had a better handle on managing the boys, but things got much better that year. He was a model child until 16 and then it was a "bad" girl, lol. But at 21 he seems to be finding his way again. You have a lot of exciting years ahead of you!

I can understand your reluctance to take away TV as a "punishment". Punishment should be the last resort of a parent who can't be more clever, IMO. Do you think he grasps the whole TV is pretend thing? That people watch things that are exciting, scary or naughty, even though they would never do what they see? If he gets that, you could frame it as TV is too much for you tonight if you couldn't be angry in your head and still control your behavior today.

I guess I was lucky that the Simpsons was only on at 9pm when my son was little. I think that show is brilliant. I probably would have let him watch it because we never restricted TV at all. But if you think about Homer/Bart vs. Marge/Lisa, an overwhelming message in almost every show is that boys/men are stupid and can't be trusted to manage anything. I would be nervous about a steady diet of the Simpsons for any little boy. On the other hand, I know a lot of people think SpongeBob is a really stupid show and I loved that my son loved him. He is a devoted caretaker of his pet snail, Gary. He is a devoted and patient friend to the apparently mentally challenged, Patrick. He is a patient and affectionate neighbor to that pissy bitch, Squidward. And he's a reliable and respectful employee to the impossible Mr. Crabs. I love me some SpongeBob! My husband loves TV in general, so my kids are surely ruined!

My son is so outgoing and confident. From 18 months he was very independent and at groups he would go off and play without looking back. When he went to pre-school 2011, first day he didn't look back. He never had any problems there, and would play with all of the kids, and there was no problem with hitting. It was only 2 days per week.
He never went last year to pre-school, and he probably didn't get the socialisation he probably needed (considered homeschooling but there are not enough groups in the area for him to get enough), and I didn't have many friends with kids.
He is generally the leader of a group, making up games or chatting with kids. Very happy.

With the TV thing, I am not sure to be honest. I used the TV as a baby sitter pretty much when I was pregnant with his brother, as was exhausted and sick for a lot of it. Then it became a habit.
I do think we have over used it, and this may be something to do with it.
I was speaking to another mum today, and she said her son saw what happened yesterday, one boy jumped on my son who was sitting on the ground, then another jumped on top of him. This is what he was disciplined by another teacher for. I still don't know if the teacher saw (unlikely), or another kid told the teacher, which is why the 3 of them were told off. Now if this is the case, then that is wrong. My son probably didn't get a chance to explain he did nothing. That is not something I am happy with. But again I will find out later.

[Tod]

Wow Ayla,
This whole parenting thing at your house is pretty complicated. RULE #1 Teach your child to respect Authority by respecting authority-The teacher is always right even when they are wrong . RULE #2 If this is a recurring problem at home and at school assume your child is the problem And do what ever it takes to get it stopped by escalation, talking the first time is great, the second time the TV is gone, the third time add a time out for 15 minutes evey day for a week etc. Handle it now or deal with the police later on...

[Ayla2010]

No, the school thing is new, and as I said I do not have the full story yet.
The hitting his brother is not everyday and I have explained that.

[Ayla2010]

And its not that complicated and works really well for everything so far.
This is not an on-going problem its new. And I am sure we will deal with it just the same as the other odd things that have come up.

I got the answers I need. I can't do anything else until I get clarification on everything, and will go from there.

[Mr.Perfidy]

What are you on about?

I bet that she slaps people with the mailed fist of the State instead of her own, and thinks this moral and somehow not violent.

[Ayla2010]

Sorry I still don't understand what you are saying. Excuse me if I see dumb, but what???

[Mr.Perfidy]

Let's say that your kids teacher is just straight lying. Maybe a kid in the class is her friend's nephew and he is bullying your son, and she is just lying because who gives a shit about your kid? Her friend is a pain in the ass.

So I'm saying, you'd probably call the cops, and ain't a bigger badder rape dick in town than the po right? It don't get harsher than pepper spray thugscrum suffocation and controlled clothing dungeon ritual domination, no?

[Mr.Perfidy]

lol penal code

[Primal123]

Umm kids hit because they lack the verbal skills to express themselves, they lack the ability to control impulses, they might not be able to reason fully, and they act feelings out instead of saying what they are feeling. Hopefully, as adults we have evolved enough to express ourselves, to control our impulses, and to reason. It is completely inappropriate for an adult to hit a child. Period. Hitting a child in response to their aggression makes no sense. Gee Johnny it's wrong to hit but I can hit you because um why because I am bigger and stronger than you. Geez. I thought we had evolved as a species far enough to understand that MAKES No Freaking sense. My child is 7 and has never been hit. There has never been reason to. There has never been a situation where I thought "hmm I could teach her how to act appropriately or I could smack her which would go the farthest?... why smacking of course." Never. I was raised in a family that believed in hitting and it taught me nothing good or useful. It hurt my relationship with my parents and it makes me struggle with the impulse to hit when angry. Gee that's helpful. My siblings followed my parents path but in my case the violence stopped with me. Thankfully, my daughter will never know the trauma of being hit by one of the two people in this world that are here to protect her. Unfortunately, she does witness me struggling to control my temper over stupid crap because of the way I was parented. Sigh.

[drssgchic]

Wow Ayla,
This whole parenting thing at your house is pretty complicated. RULE #1 Teach your child to respect Authority by respecting authority-The teacher is always right even when they are wrong . RULE #2 If this is a recurring problem at home and at school assume your child is the problem And do what ever it takes to get it stopped by escalation, talking the first time is great, the second time the TV is gone, the third time add a time out for 15 minutes evey day for a week etc. Handle it now or deal with the police later on...

As a childless person, I've been keeping my nose out of this- but I have to say that the teacher (any authority figure) is NOT right if they are wrong. They should be given the benefit of the doubt, and respected initially, but if they are NOT right then they are NOT right and being in a position of authority does NOT grant them absolution for being wrong.

Respect authority, but expect authority to retain that respect by deserving it.