Wednesday March 27
Sleep: 2am-11am. Woke up at 6am, nearly got up for the day but felt I'd be bored and very tired in the middle of the day. I slept a good while and felt pretty energized when I woke up.
Supplements: (will update later)
Fiber: 0 (!!)
Vit D: 2
Raw Food Multis: 3
Digest Gold: 4
aloe vera: 3
WOD: I think I'm going to take a break today. My shoulders are sore, and I can continue my workout Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, then take another break on Easter Sunday. My plan is to do a weight session Thursday and Saturday, and do a cardio session on Friday.
Diet: Failboat on Project Breakfast today. Also failboat on eating 50g protein for my first meal. I tried...!
B: Black coffee
L: 75g grilled lamb, 1 egg + 1 egg white fried in coconut oil, spinach & onions boiled in bone broth, 1/3 avocado and honey, carton coconut milk with cacao powder, honey, and stevia. kinda hungry, still....
D: 140g (raw) chicken breast, grilled, on a bed of raw spinach salad topped with a tomato, 2 carrots, pickled okra,1 chopped up turkey canadian bacon, a bit of grated Kerrygold cheese, and a squeeze of lemon juice + EVOO. Also had a side of asparagus wrapped in prosciutto, broiled in the oven. (one of my favorite side dishes!)
S: (throughout the day Some almonds, a spoonful of peanut butter, a few Almond Joy pieces (oops), a glass of cartoned low-fat almond-coconut milk mixed with cacao powder. After dinner, I was stiiiill hungry. Insatiable today, I tell you! So I had a couple more raw carrots, and then decided to make a "pancake" with egg whites + cacao powder + honey, with a banana melted in the pan, fried in coconut oil. Omigod, sooooo good. I could've eaten like a million of those, forever. haha. I think I'm gonna make that again tomorrow, for sure. Wish I had some nuts or coconut flakes for texture.
I havent counted my calories for the day, but I'm guessing it's on the high end. I was in and out of the kitchen nearly all day since we were indoors most of the time, and even when we popped out for a bit, I was thinking about food. I don't know if it's a legit answer or just an excuse, but I justified my hunger by telling myself that I'm making muscles on my day off, and recovering. I'll definitely need the energy for tomorrow's workout, so why not? I also felt consoled when my boyfriend told me it was okay to be eating so much because I can still gain 20lbs and be stacked like a brickhouse. lmao.
(Early in the day, 4pm) Today is boring. Can't wait for warmth and vacation and summer and loveliness. I want to bring out all my cute outfits that I can wear again! My superskinny shorts kinda don't fit anymore though... I don't exactly mind, though, because I'm quite enjoying having an ass again. :P
(Evening) I realize my vacation is quickly approaching. Part of me is saying, "ohhh yes, beaches, hot tub, rooftop yoga, exploring the city on foot for hours, warm weather, a luxurious condo, endless happiness and relaxation!" but another part of me is wondering, "will I be confident in myself enough to enjoy all of these things? will I have Primal friendly foods available to me at every place we go to on the trip? Will I give in to vacation temptation foods and end up getting sick and ruining the trip?" That's what happened last time we were at this vacay spot. I was at the height of my ED, sicker than ever. Crying over not being able to fast the day before Thanksgiving, sitting and sobbing over an inadequate salad. Lamenting the feast that was to come.... Thanksgiving came around and I was stressed more than ever. My boyfriend's mother plopped food on my plate and said I needed to gain weight if I was ever going to have her grandchildren. I nearly exploded right then and there. I tried to eat in front of them, and I remember forcing myself to not think about the calories my body was taking in. Only, I overdid it at the time, and my body just wasn't used to all the food I was allowing it to have. The next day, we woke up to go on a little museum trip (at an outdoor castle kind of thing). It was so hot, and I ended up getting really sick and eventually fainting. I threw up and ruined the whole museum day. My bf's dad is an amazing doctor, though, and noticed all my symptoms (blue lips, vomiting, cold limbs despite the hot weather, shaking, memory loss, nausea, stomach pain) was due to an anxiety-driven spastic colon and he gave me some medication. Now that I think back, I'm pretty sure both his parents knew I was going through some type of eating disorder as they watched me weigh out my Thanksgiving food on my beloved scale, and try not to cry at every meal. Needless to say, I don't think that I can EVER top the disaster of that trip. I am a lot happier now, and less nervous about food, overall. I believe that I'll be able to handle myself as long as there is a gluten-free menu available wherever we go, and if there isn't, ... I don't know. But who the hell worries about that when they're about to go on vacation?! Who cares, days in advance? I certainly shouldn't.
I'm going to focus on getting a new pair of jean shorts for my newly aquired, muscular (if I do say so myself...lol) butt, a new suitcase, and quite possibly even a new swimsuit! I also want to maybe try out one of those days-of-the-week vitamin things, instead of lugging a dozen bottles along with me. Hmm, and I've got to research a Primal alternative to sunscreen, maybe. Maybe I'll just deal with the chemicals? I mean, I am still using Cetaphil moisturizer on my face, and Johnson & Johnson barsoap facial cleanser, and I've juuuust finished the bottle of chemical-ridden vanilla body spray that I've replaced with essential oil and water to spray on myself. What harm could just one last time of regular old Coppertone do? Unless it's easy to find. Whatever, I'm rambling horribly.
Till next time ...