"Yes" means "No" Derp
"Yes" means "No" Derp
I've been waiting
I wait for you to say my name
I've been waiting
For so long
I told you "crowbar" was our safe word!
Gonna pretend like this is not happening in my journal. La la la lalalalala
Monday, July 1
1:30ish-10:30ish. I woke up earlier and felt like I could have gotten up for the day, but I knew that there would be no point because there was nothing to do at that hour. ah well. lazy :3
God, I was so lazy today. I didn't do anyyyything. (I feel kinda guilty, too.)
B: Coffee/almond milk/stevia. Gelatin/rosewater/sex tea/sugar/stevia.
L: 1 Asian melon (about the size of a medium grapefruit. so cute and delicious!) with 1 slice prosciutto. Also broke into the coconut and drank all the liquids, and had a few chunks of the meat. So so so good! Oh, and a bite of Asian pear, too. Exotic fruits day!
D: 1 tin skipjack tuna, 1tbs 0% greek yogurt, pickles, spices (tuna salad.) eaten with a hollowed out cucumber like a sandwich, sorta. Then, I had 1c greek yogurt with cacao/maca powder, 1.5 bananas, a few pieces of coconut, some marcona almonds, and a cup of cooked cauliflower "rice pudding" made with stevia, cinnamon, and sugar. It was tasty, like oatmeal. Don't judge!
S: Went out for FroYo. Made a monstrous creation: ~3oz nonfat choco yogurt, ~2oz rf peanut butter yogurt, chocolate chips, 1 oreo cookie, a mini peanut butter cup, some mini choco covered pretzels, brownie bits, cookie dough bits, peanut butter topping, chocolate topping, a marshamallow, and whipped cream. it was like 10 ounces! Totally horrible for me, but I don't care because it hit the spot and was really bomb.
Drinks: coffee, almond milk, water, sexy tea, sleepy tea, a sip of pineapple juice.
Cravings: Today I just seemed to be hungry all day. So, of course, I wanted to eat everything! At one point, I had a distinct craving for a steak, and then it turned into sushi. But, we didn't have either of those things. I feel like this means I may need some sort of nutrient that's in meat, so I'm thawing out the beef liver for tomorrow. First time eating beef liver, eep!
Calories: Huge estimation here, but I'm going to say ~1300.
Update: For some reason, I felt I wanted to eat more after I got home from the froyo shop, so I had some pieces of coconut, a few baby carrots, 3 thin mint cookies (!) and some hot tea with almond milk. My stomach hurts now and I feel kind of bad about it. I feel like since I indulged today, I shouldn't have eaten more when I got home. Aaaannnnd, I almost forgot! My boyfriend got a McD's burger and I had a bite and I liked the taste for about two seconds until I started thinking about how horrible all the ingredients are. My boyfriend ridiculed me so much for enjoying the fast food burger! Ahh! I guess my update for calories would be 1550-1600. *shrug* maybe I'll have a really great work out tomorrow?! Yeah energy! =/
Hair: I finally got my hair trimmed today! OMG, it looks so much better. Instead of a layered "V" at the bottom, my hair is straight across, and has no layers at all, whatsoever. It looks and feels a lot healthier, too. I'm always so anxious about getting a hair trim because of bad past experiences, but she did a good job. Of course, it's shorter, but it's still down to my elbows or something, so I'm not complaining! I also bought this stuff that's going to help prevent split ends, so maybe it'll stay feeling this healthy a bit longer.
Skin: I woke up with zits that had to have formed overnight! I put the prescription in for my Retin-A-Micro (.04%) and I"ll be picking that up tomorrow, though, so everything should be a-ok very soon!
Body: Bloated after the froyo trip. Very bloated. But, I'm feeling okay about myself today even though I wore some clothes that I don't really love on me. Oh well, I was just running errands and didn't do much at all, so it didn't matter. I just hate wearing loose shirts, it makes it look like I have a huge stomach because of the way they hang on me.
Digestion: Great. Honestly I have no complaints. Still amazed!
Energy: I didn't feel too well whenever I woke up, and I laid around the house for a while before we decided to get up and do anything. I also wasn't really into taking a walk outdoors even though it was beautiful today. I suppose that's due to me having an unscheduled menstrual cycle, though, and so it's expected for me to not feel awesome. I have also noticed that if I don't plan on working out that day, my body doesn't produce as much energy or something. I don't know, does that make sense?
Family: Well, after a very long time of thinking, composing, re-composing, decomposing, analyzing, and re-writing the letter for my sister, I am finally finished. It's not very long but I wanted it to be very well thought-out and concise. I made it a point to explain 1) why I decided to avoid her and minimize contact with a lot of people in my family, 2) how my decision to cut contact benefitted my physical and mental health, 3) how important our relationship is to me 4) what it would take to successfully rekindle our sisterly love and how she could help herself and get better. I tried to keep it very positive and let her know that she should not feel guilty in any way, and I of course made it clear that it wasn't her fault that she's having problems, but she's the only one who can fix it all for herself. I'm going to send it off tomorrow and keep my fingers crossed.
Love: I'm not going to boyfriend-bash too much tonight, but he said quite a few hurtful things to me today, and I'm trying to not let them get to me. With my hormones going everywhere because of the displaced period I'm going through, along with the stress of writing out the final draft of my sister's letter, I really didn't need him to scrutinize my food intake and minimize my eating disorder the way that he did today. How does he expect me to get over my obsessions with things when I feel that he's nitpicking and scrutinizing me at the same time?!
Fashion: I didn't know where else to put this, but I thought it was worth mentioning. I have a lot of clothing that is kind of old, worn out, doesn't fit, or I plain just don't like it anymore. Should I let some friends rummage through the things I don't want before I try and sell it to consignment, and then give the rest away to charity? Or should I forgo the friend clothing giveaway and just do the consignment part? I kind of feel like saying, "hey, here's all the shit I don't want anymore, do you want this?" is kind of a weird thing to do, especially since most of the girl-friends I know don't really hang out with me too much. Iunno. Anyone want me to mail them some clothes? lol.
Question of the Day:
If you are trying to persuade someone to do something, or hoping for things to go in your favor, but it is ultimately out of your hands, how do you go about getting your way? Do you just *hope* that things will turn out for the better, do you call a particular person repeatedly until they give in, do you try and take things into your own hands and just hope that the other person will go along with it?
Last edited by CiKi90; 07-02-2013 at 12:22 AM.
Ci, it sounds like you are letting loose a little with your eating! Good for you!
I also find that I the day I don't go to the gym is when I'm hungriest and have the least control. But, everybody needs a rest day.
About the clothes... Since you aren't close to them probably consignment or charity. Sometimes consignment can me a hassle though... Are they name brand/expensive? Do people have garage sales in PA? Lol It might give you something to do during the day when you BF is being lazy.
I've met some interesting people at the sales I've had!
Yeah, I read that people say to eat big on the days that you work out, but I'm usually not hungry enough on those days to eat a huge amount. I guess it'll just even out anyway, though.
I've done garage sales at my parents' house before, and I've always hated them. People are just so rude and try to haggle you down for every single penny. I don't have any designer clothes but there is a pretty legit consignment shop around here that a lot of people trust. I'm just not sure if the shop will want the clothes since they are kind of worn in. I also hate to just throw them all away, you know? Someone will definitely want them!
Btw... I don't think you ate alot. 1300 cals is still really low IMO. Extended exercise (cardio) can lower the metabolic rate. Maybe the increased hunger is because the metabolism is better on those days... Who knows.
Are there any Facebook resale groups in you area? My city has a few of them... All you do us post pics and set a price. I've sold several things that way.
Just donate them.
oh didn't you see my update? it turned into like 1600 by the end of the day, lol. I'm just hoping that my metabolism is increasing and I really just need it. idk.
Yeah, I might just donate them or something. My closet it just getting too cluttered! I know as soon as I do it though, I'll wish I'd had a piece of clothing I'd given away and be ilke, "damnit!" ahaha