I have to say, I'm absolutely a mess right now. I can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do. Likewise, I am really grateful to you for your support! And actually, it's probably helpful that we are both going through recovery at the same time - at least we're not goading each other to fast or count calories
I think in your case you're still exerting the anorexia control, but it's over exercise and "health food". In a way it's similar to the OE idea of the tiger, cos they are both good things, but you need to know how to balance them. I don't know hon, my instinct is that it would be really helpful if you looked at why you are projecting such hatred onto your body. It might be a good first step. Do you have any idea?