I think it's a major step in the right direction. At least now you know why he was always so closed off to the idea of you doing something on your own. All the exes surpassing him, etc. And since you said the conversation ended with you to "collaborating and creating ideas" for the both of you, I don't see why it wouldn't be a step in the right direction.
I'm happy for you
Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.
Well he just confirmed to you how victimized, controlling, and lacking of self esteem he is, which is something. I think getting certified as a trainer would be perfect for you - it's something that you like and are good at. I would love to see this happen for you.
Just an observation, were all his other exs the same age as you? Seems like hes setting himself up for failure by dating such young women and expecting them to stay with him.
Also that would be cool of you to try training! Im headed that way myself.
Oh man, you're gonna be in the personal trainer game?! You're way more qualified than me, lol. You're gonna blow me outta the water! Have you thought of specializing in anything? Have you already started a certification program?
Hey Ci, I've kept quiet on the SO debate because I have opinions on it, and first I wanted to see how it played out.
Firstly, I think it's great that you had such an honest conversation. We all have fears of rejection and abandonment, and it's great that he is aware of his, and that he opened up about such deep fears. He made himself really vulnerable, and it's really hard for men to do that.
You guys seem to have quite a co-dependent relationship. You're very dependent on him for emotional support and physical needs, but in a way he is dependent on your being dependent cos' it gives him reassurance that you're not going to leave him.
I don't think you can encourage him to make positive changes to his life through words. That's something he's going to need to do himself. What you need to do is show him that dependency is different to love. The more you let each other blossom into your own people, the richer your love can grow, because you will both feel more fulfilled and have more to bring to the relationship. The question is whether this is the kind of relationship you both truly want. I mean, on one level you definitely want it, but on another level I do believe that the relationships we're in are reflections of ourselves. If you both truly change, your relationship will too.
Sorry, don't know if there's any practical advice in that message! Just some observations. Hugs x
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat
I didn't realize for a long while how our relationship was panning out and how unhealthy it had become. But now that I'm kind of stirring things up between us, I am seeing the truth and working out ways to fix it. I don't want to feel like I've wasted four years together just to give up so suddenly and throw it away. I'm giving us a fighting chance and really trying to solve things through communication now, instead of bottling everything up and just hoping it'll resolve itself. That being said, I know that I cannot make him do anything that he doesn't have the motivation to do for himself. I'm hoping that I can show that my ambition and newfound desire to do something great with myself will inspire him and show him that finding passions and meaning for yourself will help with vitality and self-worth. Right now, I can only lead by example and let him know that this is what I need for myself. If he can't keep up or follow through with being supportive, I'll have to address that accordingly, when we get to that point. Thanks for helping me out, lovely, and I hope things will look up in your own personal relationships, too. I feel ya, sista.
Hey, I'm glad that you're making progress with your SO. Hopefully, this new level of communication means that he will be more understanding and willing to accommodate your needs. I also agree with YB's observations.