Aww, sorry to hear about the family stuff. Your depressing posts sound so cute though which is kinda funny but bot to you im sure. I totally picture the Hyperbole and a Half girl drawing, riding around in go carts, eating ice cream and petting baby puppies, all while frowning and being miserable.
Also, really dont worry abour eating some food! Sounds like you semi starved yourself through the first half of the day so of course your going to make up for it. And dont feel bad about eating more then your BF, you are in awesome shape, id be proud if my GF (dont have one) at more then me and looked as great. Seriously you beat yourself up too much.
P.S. you can always come here. Im partial to hottie couch surfers. <- smiley so its not creepy.
Thanks for the positive words, I'm just at such an odd time in my life right now. Like some kind of quarter-life crisis or something.
It means a lot to hear that you wouldn't be judgmental of my eating habits, by the way. I mean, I always feel like I eat more than he does since he drinks more of his calories than he eats. Maybe if he ate awesome foods like you,I wouldn't think twice about eating in front of him!
Thursday, June 20
Life, why are you testing my strength? Why am I attracting all of this negative energy? I am searching for a life lesson, but I haven't quite figured out what I am supposed to take from all of this.
2am-7:30am. Laid in bed till 8. The neighbors are getting their roof replaced, so there were loud construction noises outside that kept me from sleeping. I had a dream that I packed up some clothes and sold a bunch of stuff to buy a 1-way ticket to Hawaii. I got there and started living my life on the beach, in a big tent. I walked through the forest and and foraged for food, made friends with other squatters. I laid there for a while after I woke up, fantasizing about it for a while longer. But then, I checked my phone and realized that today is nearly my friend's birthday, who died last year. A mutual friend made a post about him and it made me cry. What an odd way to start the day, so many emotions within an hour of waking.
My friend that passed was a guy that I met my freshman year of high school. After a few months of knowing him, he told me he loved me. He was such a sweet guy, but I always turned down his offer for a date. We still hung out together within a large group of friends, and he was always such a great guy. He was really shy, though, so I tried to help him find a girl friend because I felt so guilty for not wanting to date him. Over the years that I spent time with him, he gave me two gifts: a glass paperweight with a etched "I love you" inside of it, and a tin of Vietnamese cookies, where the tin was more enjoyable (had nice art on it.) I still have both of the gifts. After I graduated high school, I moved away. Time passed and I didn't talk to him much,save for one time over Facebook. Once, when I was visiting Texas, we tried to meet up, but I ended up not having time. That was the same year that he died, and I found myself at his funeral just 6 months later. He had a heart condition, and died in his sleep very suddenly one night. It was a surprise to everyone, his family and friends. I didn't know that he had heart problems, but when I remembered our time together, and remembered all the times when his face turned bright red from embarrassment, and I could literally hear his heart beating as I stood next to him, I only thought that he was a flustered person. I feel so guilty for so many things: not spending more time with him, not visiting him that one last time, not giving him a chance and going on a date, not doing anything with the life I'm so lucky to still have. I know, though, that I would not have thought twice about any of these things if he hadn't passed, though... I guess that's how it goes. You really don't appreciate things until you don't have them anymore.
Awwhh, muffin. I'm sorry you've been having such a rough couple of days.
About yesterday, you really need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're in extremely good shape (I've seen the pictures, missy), and you workout so often that, honestly, it's a surprise you don't eat more. You said your SO doesn't really do much exercising or anything, so it also wouldn't be a surprise if he eats less (although, I dont think he does. I think you're just being over-critical of yourself). Maybe if those foods are making you feel down in the dumps, try and get more healthy food in during the day? So you won't feel as ravenous later on.
And although it's not much, you do make me happy. You're a wonderful person, and you're always ready to cheer me up - even when you've had a shit day yourself. So what if you needed to rant and relieve some stress? You're only human. I'm really sorry you got so much crap thrown on your shoulders, though. I would feel horrible if I was in your situation, knowing that there wasn't much you could do to fix it.
As for today, I'm really sorry you're having anooother bad day. But the reality of life is that we never know when the last time we're going to see someone will be. So yeah, the cliche of "you don't know what you have till it's gone" definitely rings a lot of truth. There's nothing you can do about the fact that you rejected his date offer, or that you didn't see him that one last time. I do think this is a learning situation though, because now you know that you really can't keep putting things off, and you really need to live your life as much as you can. Do the things you want to do, stop being so scared and procrastinating, etc.
I'm sorry all my responses are always so long, I can't seem to control my word-vomit .
Hopefully your day will only get better, try not to let yourself fall too far down the negativity well!
Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.
Sounds like a perfect dream, maybe you should follow it. I hear Hawaii has some of the best fruit in the world.
Yeah, yesterday I was more disappointed in what I ate instead of how much. I mean, c'mon, bread and chocolate and frozen yogurt isn't even close to being good for you! And yeah, my SO does eat more than me, and he eats more junk than me. It just sucks that he can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without even blinking an eye or having a second thought about it, and doesn't even understand an eating disorder (even though he tries and tries to support me.)
I'm so glad that I make you happy! I really have been feeling like a useless lump lately, hah. A moment ago, I had to tell my mom that I couldn't handle my family's stress and I was going to postpone my visit to see them. So, I know that didn't make her happy. But it made me feel relieved that I don't have to go through it and I can admit that I am not equipped to do so.
Again, thanks for sticking around in here to support me during this awkward time in my life. Eventually, things have to get better, nothing keeps getting worse forever, right?!
Often I wonder what would have happened if I had of taken time to call him back... Or even what would have happened if I hadn't gotten married. It's hard and I cried many times because I miss him especially when I was going through the divorce... I know he would have been there for me.
Things like this are hard. The "what if's" make them even harder.
Hope your day gets brighter sis.