06-17-2013, 06:20 PM
Sorry I forgot to respond to this. If you are actually made ill by certain foods, that is another story. All I meant was to not hold yourself to arbitrary rules. If you see a piece of candy that looks good to you, eat it. And so on.
Originally Posted by CiKi90
06-17-2013, 07:39 PM
Well, thanks om. Yeah, I suppose that age really doesn't matter no matter what you're looking for in a person. It really just proves the point that mentality dominates the way you project yourself in life.
Originally Posted by ombat
Yeah, hobbies are good, and I've started up quite a few over the last few years: hula-hooping, nail art, writing poems/short stories/letters, working out, drawing cats, drawing naked girls, making clothes (unsuccessfully), ruining old clothes (successfully), cooking, baking, and researching health-nut stuff.
Oh, man, I definitely did that today -___- ha. very recently, I feel like a part of me is secretly testing out just how much I can eat before I start gaining weight (again) or if this is my natural set-point, since I have no idea.
Originally Posted by ombat
06-17-2013, 08:28 PM
Monday, June 17
3am-12pm. Funny story: Both my SO and I awoke very suddenly to this loud noise against our bedroom window. Apparently, a bird tried to fly straight into our room! How could he not have seen the dirty window?! I felt kind of bad for it, but at the same time, stuff like that never happens, so it was hilarious.
Forgot to take my Vitamin D and my l-glutamine today. ah well.
Workout vids n'at.
B: coffee, cartoned coconut milk, stevia. Gelatin + lemon juice + fresh, crushed mint leaves + 2tsp sugar to make little gummy squares.
S/L: food samples at the mall, a few pieces of saltwater taffy, a handful of baby carrots.
D: stupid dinner at TGIFriday's: 1/2 rack baby back ribs, green salad with a chicken breast & strawberries. A few sweet potato fries stolen from bf's plate.
S: bunch of turkish delight pieces, a small banana, raw coconut flour confection thing I made at home. hot sleepy tea & coconut milk.
S: more raw coconut flour confection/cookie deal, some homemade kettle corn, 1/2 an english muffin, another banana... fuck. I'm a garbage disposal.
Cravings: I was really craving NOT going to the chain restaurant. I hate it so much, and their menu has a lot of disgusting food on it, but it wasn't my choice. Plus, seeing people that eat at fast food (I consider it barely a tier up from fast food, really) make me sad, because I know how much better my food is, and I just can't believe they think that this is as good as it gets!
Calories: goddamnit. 2300. That's the most I've eaten in so long.
I ended up throwing away 3/4 of a bag of coconut flour. I thought I'd be able to control myself around it, but I just can't. I kept making these little raw cookie things out of them and eating the fuck out of it. I thought that I had more willpower than that. I thought that I was starting to become okay with food, but tonight proved to me that it's not exactly the case. I fucking hate this, really. My boyfriend is starting to question me, too. "Why do you only want to buy sugar in those single-serve packets?" or "Why can't we have peanut butter in the house? I don't get it," or "Why not just the big package of whatever it is? It'll last longer," but he just doesn't understand that it doesn't work that way for me. It makes me feel like shit to admit that I can't control myself around food, and can barely handle myself around the things I do allow. It makes me so ashamed to try and explain it to him -- that I can't just forget about the bar of chocolate/tub of ice cream/package of chips/box of cereal/whatever it isssss. I just can't. My stomach hurts right now, I had so much to eat. I wasn't even hungry. Eating bad food in restaurants usually does this type of thing to me though, and I don't understand it. I'll eat a bunch of shitty food there, and then come home and binge on whatever else is in the house. It never happens when I eat at high quality restaurants, though. Oh god, I wish I could puke. I am really having a hard time focusing my energy on the positive right now, and realizing that this will inevitably benefit my weight lifting and exercises tomorrow. (ihopeihopeihopeihope) fuck. alrjakegjalrf. ugh!
Hair: Purchased Alterna Haircare | Luminous Shine Shampoo this shampoo and conditioner today. It seemed legit, we'll see how it works. Anyone ever used/heard of this stuff?
Skin: I also scored JAPANESE ROSE BODY BUTTER this body butter today, too. I tried the sample and it was amazing! Hopefully it'll make my skin really awesome. It has plenty of good oils and stuff in it. Any opinions?
Nails: blech. I keep picking and peeling at my nails and cuticles. It's getting really bad.
Body: Fairly confident. I tried on some jean shorts today in various sizes, and when my SO handed me a size 0, I tried them on, but was pretty sure they would not fit me. I was right, and I knew that I would have to go up to a size 1 or 3, depending on the store. I am surprised that it didn't phase me in the least! Sadly, though, I didn't get any new shorts. lol.
Digestion: I had 3 BMs today (that's a lot, also TMI. haha.) Still feeling like I can reduce my supplements successfully, without any consequences. I think tomorrow night, I will see how I cope with 3 mag-c supplements and 2 aloe vera caps instead of the usual. Now that I'm thinking about it though... I am eating a bit more food than I used to, also. Maybe that's why I feel like I've been going too much? Haha. I dunno!
Energy: Pretty great, all day. I was kinda busy though, so I didn't think about being sleepy at all.
Other: my throat is kind of scratchy, and my nose is getting a bit runny. Hope I'm not catching anything!
Today I had to meet with my bf's parents so that we could all have dinner for Father's Day. I really hate going out to dinner with them on so many levels. Whenever we eat at their house, it's not so bad, but they always choose the worst restaurants that I'm not allowed to complain about in the least. Today, though, in particular, my bf's mom was really just rubbing me the wrong way. I'm just going to vent about her for a while, to get it out of my system. Feel free to skim through this, lol. First, she will ask you a question, and then start talking about something else completely unrelated. Then, she'll ask you the question again, as if you were being rude for not answering her to begin with. Then, she talks coooonstantly, but when other people are joining in on the conversation, she gets irritated and asks people to be quiet so that she can finish her story. And then, she has a gluten intolerance (Celiac's) and knows that I understand a lot about nutrition and also avoid gluten/wheat/pasta. She eats gluten free pastries, though, and is always telling me things about gluten this-and-that that I can eat or make. She asks the waiter about every fucking food item on the menu even though she has the allergen menu right in front of her. Then she tells me what I'm allowed to eat and what I shouldn't eat anyway because it's high in this or that. She also orders food for her husband and eats like half of it anyway. Today, she was shoveling food in her mouth as she was talking about a retarded bed frame she wants to put in the apartment she just bought, and mentioned how full she was. She was only halfway through her plate, though. So, what does she do? She pulls out these little pills and says, "if I eat too much, then I get sick unless I take these pills. Now I can eat however much I want and i dont have to worry about it." She pops them into her mouth, eats a full rack of ribs, mashed potatoes, half her husband's plate of food, two of my boyfriend's ribs, and 3 of the turkish delight candies that she was planing on giving to us. What the hell! It was kind of gross to see her eating that way, and I really wondered how she isn't morbidly obese, eating that way. Of course, she had to bring up our marriage and having children and how I should do it soon before my bf gets too old, and before they die of old age. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu---. okay, rant over.
In other news ... Today, I didn't really eat that healthy. I had a bunch of candy, ate at a low-quality restaurant, and had plenty of sugar. So much for being more strict on the weekdays, but, I'm not really that sad about it. I'm more sad that I had to waste a meal on that bullshit, but not phobia-level frightened of the effects it will have on my body. I am really welcoming my sense of contentment over my not-so-perfect diet, but at the same time, I am hoping I don't let all of my knowledge just "go" and stop giving even a single fuck about whatever I put in my mouth.
Last edited by CiKi90; 06-17-2013 at 11:08 PM.
Reason: updating you all on my neurosis
06-18-2013, 09:22 PM
Tuesday, June 18
I think missing my vitamins causes my moods to go all crazy. Maybe it's psychological? Either way, made sure to take everything today:
6000IU Vit D
1 envelope gelatin
3 Digest Spectrum
2 Aloe Vera
640mg Mag C.
Buncha weight lifting
B: coffee, coconut milk, stevia.
L: 2 Turkish delights, 1 mango. 1 envelope gelatin + mixed berries
D: 3.5oz (raw) pork tenderloin, 17g blue cheese, 1/2 grilled onion, 1 grilled peach + 1tsp sugar, wilted arugula.
S: red velvet hot tea + coconut milk, 2 Turkish delights, a few strawberries.
Calories: ~650. Calorie cycling?
Hair: first night washing my hair with that fancy organic stuff. Smells great, will report on how it feels tomorrow. I have so much hair, it takes the entire night for it to dry!
Skin: First night using my fancy organic body butter, too. My skin feels awesoooome. I think if I had satin sheets, I'd slide right off.
Nails: Still grossly paper thin. It's hard to not paint them, though!
Body: Weighed myself today, 114lbs. I haven't weighed that much since 2009, but guess what? I am not torn up about it. Today I wore a shirt that showed my midriff off a little, and I didn't feel fat. I weigh nearly 30lbs more than I did over the winter, and I feel less "fat" right now! God, I was so crazy. Still am, but it's getting to be a good kind of crazy. In other news, my calves fucking hurt.
Digestion: went twice today. My bf called me a shit monster, what a jerk! Haha. We have no privacy.
Energy: good, had an awesome workout.
Lets see, I haven't finished that letter to my sister. I get a headache as soon as I sit down to think about it, really. I'm also worried about my favorite cousin, he's getting brain surgery on Thursday to get a tumor removed from his pituitary gland. It has really effected him, and I hope this surgery will benefit him a lot. He's been so sad about everything lately, and it's because of the tumor fucking with his frontal lobe. I can only sit here and send positive energy his way!
Hm, nothing else very interesting happened today. I scored a chocolate tea sampler, some matcha, and a tea thats supposed to increase your libido. i have been feeling rather asexual lately, so i thought id try it out. Think it'll do me any good? Get Passionate - No.17 (Wellness Collection) Tea by The Republic of Tea — Steepster
I also stopped by a tiny farmers market and snagged some strawberries and a little basil plant. Now I have two fresh herb plants in my little kitchen, I don't know why but it makes me so happy.
06-18-2013, 10:02 PM
I naturally calorie cycle... Well, between normal amounts of food and lots of food. It bothers me only because I can never tell how much food I'm going to need in a given day, but I've been like this since I was a kid so I think it's normal. It also makes sense evolutionary - tending to overeat (food might not be available the next day) and then just not being very hungry the following day because of it. I don't know.
Your SO's mother sounds like a piece of work! I wonder what magic pills she's taking?
My friend is an herbalist and has tea remedies for all kinds of things. Who knows? (Also we all know why you're not feeling sexual lately)
06-18-2013, 10:20 PM
Yeah, my performance at the gym was pretty good today, so I'm just guessing my body needed it. I'm +1lb but that could be anything, nothing significant.
Ugh, my bf's dad is a doctor, so she can get any prescription under the sun. Every time I need him to refill something for me, she's always like "what does thaaaat do, Im gonna have some too." and just takes everything from anti anxiety meds to Colon spasm prevention to whateeeever it's annoying.
(think im going to bed soon, sorry if I don't get back to you.)
06-19-2013, 09:20 AM
Ewww... TGIFriday's. I hate restaurants like that! Eating out and eating bad food at one meal usually results in me ending up in a binge. I haven't fessed up to that on MDA yet. I don't know if its a loss of control on what's in the food I'm eating or certain social situations. Sometimes it's a binge, other times it's just eating too much. It hasn't been as bad lately.
Originally Posted by CiKi90
I wonder if your boyfriends mother has an ED. I've come to the conclusion that most women have some kind of food issue. I also think its sad that I want to know what that pill was she took. Lol
You've gained 30 lbs since this winter?! I saw the last pics you posted in your workout gear.... You look great and very fit. I'm glad you feel better with body image issues!
06-19-2013, 09:31 AM
Yeah, I've been paying attention and I feel like nasty restaurant food that I don't want to eat + eating with people that stress me out = binge, later. Looking at my calories lately though, I kind of feel like I needed it? Just wish it could have been on healthier stuff.
Originally Posted by brookesam
My bf's mom is so fucking weird. I don't think she has an ED, but maybe? She yelled at me constantly whenever I was too thin, and is always looking for "loopholes" around her Celiacs. Who knows what pills shes taking these days, I don't want them. They're probably horrible for you anyway. She's the type of person who has like 50 different plastic surgeries and feels like low calorie foods are better because you can et more of them... She just always wants eveeeeyyything. Attention, money, food, houses, cars. Think a Persian Joan Rivers, but not as funny.
Yep, I gained almost 30lbs since December/January. It was a necessary gain, I think I was about to snap in half. Lol. Ohh, and thanks! I thought that the photo link was hidden enough that people didn't see it haha.
06-19-2013, 09:44 AM
She sounds like a piece of work! Lol
Originally Posted by CiKi90
I just forgot to comment. I need to start commenting more on people's posts. I just get sidetracked and forget usually.
06-19-2013, 09:48 AM
Yeah, me too. I'll read the post on my phone and want to write a long response, but doing it on mobile is such a pain the ass that I just wait... And then forget lol. The app kinda helps me remember the posts I was involved in though. Bittersweet -- I'm always on my damn phone now!