Primal Journal- the return of myself
I am posting my new journal here on MDA for hope of some inspiration, support and accountability. A little background about myself: I live in the city, attend medical school as a career change- and have basically dedicated my life, my health, and and semblance of a social circle to studying.
My health history- I was always a bit of a puffy kid, nothing extreme but I always was on the bigger end of the spectrum, and you could never really describe me as petite. Must be my peasant eastern european blood. Anyway, I slimmed out dramatically as a teenager and was a fab 125-130 and 5'7 until university. In university I began to emotionally eat- staying up late devouring boxes of cereal, snickers etc. And went up to 142 the biggest I have ever been. Then I lost the weight in an unhealthy way (will exclude details) and was back down to 118 and felt wonderful even though I was destroying my body. I guess the beating I put on my body and my horomones ended up with me having really weird body changes and was eventually diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 25. I previously had never had any sign or symptom of that condition. On the rollercoaster or weightgain weightloss I went... and now 4 years later have basically ended up in the 155 range. I understand that it is an okay weight, but for my body type and size it is wayyyy to much. I want to fit into my old clothes again and feel comfortable and not feel all this jiggling in my belly. And I can never stay away from the sugar long enough and my intense food cravings to lose the weight properly. The fight sorta went out of me. And now with this crazy lifestyle of a medical student- intense stress, chronic sleep deprivation, strange eating habits- well you get the picture.
I have been floating around MDA for the past 6 months, trying time and time again to get on the band wagon only to fall off again horribly. Always around day 5 of the 21 day challenge some stress comes up that finds me responding with muffin in hand and missing my gym sessions. I have had recent blood work and triglycerides look great except that my fasting blood sugar has been spotty and my HA1c is 5.3. With the insulin resistance and PCOS, the only way I am looking at treating this thing is by following good eating habits and healing my body before some serious damage ensues. So today is day 1 AGAIN. I think what always gets me is the cravings and my stress response. Because today for example, I woke up craving a muffin, and 4 hours later I am still craving that same damn muffin. By brain is literally so focused on this stupid muffin that I can't get it together and study. Im gonna try and sit tight...and I guess writing this thing helps.
What I plan on eating today
B: 2 pieces of bacon, eggs with veggies black coffee
L: salad with chicken drumsticks
D: salad with chicken drumsticks
S: coconut flakes
Today's weight 151.4
So apparently I made it through today...YAY!!! And ate primally......however not eating crappy food- allowed to to contemplate my emotional standing which is....boooooo.. Can we say girlfriend emailed two ex's today, got sad and lonely and hates man currently dating. Can we just stop pause and take a deep inhale at all the emotions that are going on that aren't being doused by Carbs, cookies, and candies...WHOA
Just wanted to stop by and say hi to another new journal-er! I just graduated vet school in 2012, so had similar experiences with a crazy lifestyle comprised of little else than school and study (followed by endless hours on clinics). I've also previously attempted eating this way and failed spectacularly before getting far at all. Something seems different for me this time, though, and I'm a little over a week in and going strong. Sounds like you're off to a good start as well, and I'll be pulling for you to get through the crazy carb and sugar deprivation rollercoaster
Hey panthera- its so nice to hear that someone else also knows what it is like to have crazy hours. Congrats on finishing vet school! That is def not easy- are you specializing in any particular field? Wow - a week of sticking with the primal- I can never make it to day seven...lol. Keep going strong!!
So just a quick recap- I have a final today so woke up at 4:00 am to finish studying- I just couldn't go any longer last night. Sometimes you just gotta call it a night...Today is going to be a day of sleep deprivation but good news is I won't be seeing pt's so not as draining.
My goals for today:
B: veggie eggs and bacon with gallons of black coffee to drown myself in
L: an awesome salad
S: avacado and coconut flakes
D: chicken drumsticks and salad
workout: Im gonna attempt to go to gym if I have the energy- won't be doing sprinting but at least to get some blood flowing on the bike or whatever if Im not too dead by the end of the day
im off to bed, but just wanted to check in and say that today did not go great with my eating but it could totally be worse.
Big trigger: fatigue and stress (is there any way to control that with my life right now?)
- being tired made me turn to coffee with half and half- which i thought was safer- but clearly is not and eekk FAKE SUGAR. Well that being said- by the time I made it home I was craving all sorts of delights. I ended up buying macademia nuts, dried figs and dried dates. All of which due to the high fat/high sugar combo is my favorite. And gave in and binged on all of the above. I do need to keep some of the nuts/dried fruit around as an emergency snack when I am seeing pts bc you never know what the next meal is. So for the rest of the week I gonna try to focus on eating clean, the week after that I will begin the gym routine. On another note I am starting to feel like Im coming down with a cold/flu. Everyone around me is sick. Im cold achy tired out of it. Going to try to sleep the whole night and pray that it goes away. I have too much work to do to be fighing the uberflu right now. Goodnight all
Today woke up feeling like garbage- i think my friend who was sick last week, has gotten me sick. I slept really well last night but waking up this morning made me feel like ive been hit by a bus. Everything hurts and I feel like I can't even hold my body up. Today's goal- get thru today and go home and go to bed. The guy that I am dating wants to go out tonight- but its really not a good night for me to go out and not to mention its always about him anyway. My life is tooo busy right now to be supporting and babying someone else- I need someone to understand how hard my life is and be supportive of me. I know I am going to hear a huge blow out if I say no to dinner tonight. Ugh- Im so ready to get rid of him, but last time i tried to break up with him he made it really difficult. Today's goals
b: 3 bacon 3 eggs black coffee
l: cucumbere 4 chicken drumsticks
d: beef stew
1) Ditch the guy. Life is too short and there are amazing, caring men out there.
2) You've got this. If you feel the need to eat a muffin/binge/obsess over food, drink 2 big tall glasses of warm water. Then, if the binge feeling is still on you, do 10 pushups against your desk (as you are probably studying) and run in place for 20 seconds (get the heart pumping).
3) If the above doesn't cut the craving, you are probably hungry & it is time to eat something Paleo & delicious. Your body is stressed... you are tired and overworked. Feed yourself something nourishing like eggs w/ avocado or a yummy grass fed burger.
Rooting for you!
Hey guys- thank you for all the support- some days are better than others....
Today focus is again on being happy, healthy, and enjoying life regardless of what it throws at me. Just to be mentally prepared- today is going to be a tough day..... working under a scary attending to takes joy in making our lives miserable and scaring the bejeezus out of us.
B: the rest of the dried fruit and nuts - gotta get rid of that shit
L: beef and brussel sprouts
D: beef and salad
On another note- does anybody have any suggestions for a primal snack that I can carry along with me for my long days in clinic when meals are not always happening? I would like to stay away from nuts or fruit- because these tend to be my trigger foods and make me what to binge and eat carbs?
Primal snacks are a lot easier if you have a refrigerator that you can stick them in - hard boiled eggs, baby carrots with hummus or guacamole, cheese sticks or yogurt if you do dairy. If not, there's always fresh fruit, beef jerky or canned fish if you can stomach it. This is something I've struggled a bit with as well, as most of these options aren't quite as portable as more typical snack foods. Although not really primal, some protein/energy bars are better than others and would work in a pinch
thanks panthera! I will go pick up some canned chicken, fish, etc and have that with me in the clinic. being in clinic can be really tough on those days- I will start to be more prepared and try to do weekend grocery trips to stock up on primal items. Living in NYC and being on the go 24/7 I have really gotten in the takeout mentality, I got my recent credit card bill and was horrified at the amount I spend on useless disgusting junkie bodega food, when I could of saved and made some healthier food options.
So YAY! today's goals were achieve- I survived my attending with minimal fuss- although he ripped me a new one- i just let it roll of my shoulders....kinda...lol. ANNDDDD drumroll---made it to the gym. I did minimal stuff- just some eliptical and some leg weights- but 30 of that stuff is totally okay especially with today being a 14 hour day.
One more note- its funny with my weight- i was bigger at times in my life than where I was at today- but my lifestyle was much more active and there were alot less jiggley bits, like flapping arms, poofy belly, cottage cheese thighs... i looked in the mirror and was like...what happend??!?! Oh yea- medical school happend...lol.....lots of pizza sitting studying and no sleep or sunlight. huh...