I'm having a discussion with a friend who'se about twenty years older than me about what we had for breakfast. I mention that I had an omellette with veggies, cheese, and bacon.
Her: Aren't you a vegetarian?
Me: I was, but I was starting to lose a lot of muscle mass and just didn't feel healthy, so I started eating meat again and cut out grains and sugars.
Her: No grains?! How can you do that? I'd never be full if I didn't eat grains.
Me: Well, I eat a pretty high fat diet, so that fills me--
Her (cutting me off): That can't be good for you!
Me: A lot of people have been lead to believe that fat is bad for you, but--
Her (cutting me off again): Well, I guess it depends. What kind of fat do you eat?
Me: Oh, only healthy, natural fat. Lot's of saturated animal fat, butter, full-fat dairy, olive--
Her (cutting me off a third time): No. That's just not right. I suppose it'd be okay if you were eating vegetable fats like canola oil, but animal fats are terrible for you.
Me: You may believe that, but I've been doing pretty well eating this way. Better than ever actually.
Her: Well, you're young. Your body can take a lot of abuse, you're just not seeing the results of it yet.
Me: Um, yeah, remember how I used to be fat?
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
My Latest Journal
Every Cosmopolitan magazine cover story ever:
41 New Ways to Please Your Man! - Blow him.
How to Have the Best Sex Ever! - Blow him while moaning a lot.
Secret Sex Tips You’ve Never Tried! - Put a scrunchie on his dick, then blow him.
Boost Your Bedroom Confidence! - Stop eating for a month, lose 20 pounds, then blow him.
How to Get What You Want in Bed! - Blow him first.
When It’s OK to be a Bitch! - Only while blowing him.
Sassy Career Moves to Get Ahead! - Give your boss head. Ask For Raise. Yay feminism.
Celebrity Profile! - She is thinner, prettier, and more successful than you. And she probably gives better head.
Scary Sexual Health Statistics! - Never have sex because you will get herpes and die. Unless it’s blow jobs, those are ok.
So your saying CW has a few things right?!! I usually read CW advice and run quickly in the opposite direction!
Reading this post while eating nuts could cause choking and snarfing.
But seriously, I have run into some CW moments lately, almost all with my female coworkers. Now the weight has noticably come off, and people are asking.
CW1: So, you are doing low carb right? I could never do that. My carbs are all right here (pointing to her rotund belly). Yep. Tis true.
But now, every thing I eat is grounds for dicussion. No, I did not eat at breakfast conference this morning (bagels, croissants, jam, coffee, skim milk). Nope, not at lunch meeting yesterday (sandwiches, chips, cookies, soda, salad with dressing). Yes, I am microwaving my own lunch after not eating yours. Get over it!!!
ELizabeth826 is spot on. I would only add that 80% of the sex tips require incorporating an ice cube.
Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.
If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.
Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly