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Thread: Funny CW moments

  1. #971
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    I'm having a discussion with a friend who'se about twenty years older than me about what we had for breakfast. I mention that I had an omellette with veggies, cheese, and bacon.

    Her: Aren't you a vegetarian?
    Me: I was, but I was starting to lose a lot of muscle mass and just didn't feel healthy, so I started eating meat again and cut out grains and sugars.
    Her: No grains?! How can you do that? I'd never be full if I didn't eat grains.
    Me: Well, I eat a pretty high fat diet, so that fills me--
    Her (cutting me off): That can't be good for you!
    Me: A lot of people have been lead to believe that fat is bad for you, but--
    Her (cutting me off again): Well, I guess it depends. What kind of fat do you eat?
    Me: Oh, only healthy, natural fat. Lot's of saturated animal fat, butter, full-fat dairy, olive--
    Her (cutting me off a third time): No. That's just not right. I suppose it'd be okay if you were eating vegetable fats like canola oil, but animal fats are terrible for you.
    Me: You may believe that, but I've been doing pretty well eating this way. Better than ever actually.
    Her: Well, you're young. Your body can take a lot of abuse, you're just not seeing the results of it yet.
    Me: Um, yeah, remember how I used to be fat?
    Her: (...)

  2. #972
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    northern va
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Sex with the stars?
    LOLOL...No Cosmopolitan magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Health is Wealth!

  3. #973
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    Quote Originally Posted by simpstr View Post
    LOLOL...No Cosmopolitan magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I can't read Cosmo much anymore. It's just aimed for a demographic I'm no longer in (late teens- earlys 20s, most likely in college, and single). Being in my mid-20s, actually on my career path, and married takes me out of those demographics. I still read Glamour occasionally, and have a subscription to Marie Claire, but there really isn't a magazine (that I've found) aimed at young married women without children who have a career. Then again, I'm also the kind of girl that reads Wired, Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, and PCWorld, as well as several technical journals and Slashdot, so I'm not exactly a common demographic.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

  4. #974
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    Feb 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by simpstr View Post
    LOLOL...No Cosmopolitan magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Every Cosmopolitan magazine cover story ever:

    41 New Ways to Please Your Man! - Blow him.
    How to Have the Best Sex Ever! - Blow him while moaning a lot.
    Secret Sex Tips You’ve Never Tried! - Put a scrunchie on his dick, then blow him.
    Boost Your Bedroom Confidence! - Stop eating for a month, lose 20 pounds, then blow him.
    How to Get What You Want in Bed! - Blow him first.
    When It’s OK to be a Bitch! - Only while blowing him.
    Sassy Career Moves to Get Ahead! - Give your boss head. Ask For Raise. Yay feminism.
    Celebrity Profile! - She is thinner, prettier, and more successful than you. And she probably gives better head.
    Scary Sexual Health Statistics! - Never have sex because you will get herpes and die. Unless it’s blow jobs, those are ok.

  5. #975
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Cambridge, UK
    Posts
    142
    Quote Originally Posted by ELizabeth826 View Post
    Every Cosmopolitan magazine cover story ever:

    41 New Ways to Please Your Man! - Blow him.
    How to Have the Best Sex Ever! - Blow him while moaning a lot.
    Secret Sex Tips You’ve Never Tried! - Put a scrunchie on his dick, then blow him.
    Boost Your Bedroom Confidence! - Stop eating for a month, lose 20 pounds, then blow him.
    How to Get What You Want in Bed! - Blow him first.
    When It’s OK to be a Bitch! - Only while blowing him.
    Sassy Career Moves to Get Ahead! - Give your boss head. Ask For Raise. Yay feminism.
    Celebrity Profile! - She is thinner, prettier, and more successful than you. And she probably gives better head.
    Scary Sexual Health Statistics! - Never have sex because you will get herpes and die. Unless it’s blow jobs, those are ok.

    ...and thats why guys vote Cosmo

  6. #976
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    Denver Suburbs, CO
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    1,742
    So your saying CW has a few things right?!! I usually read CW advice and run quickly in the opposite direction!

  7. #977
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    370
    Quote Originally Posted by ELizabeth826 View Post
    Every Cosmopolitan magazine cover story ever:

    41 New Ways to Please Your Man! - Blow him.
    How to Have the Best Sex Ever! - Blow him while moaning a lot.
    Secret Sex Tips You’ve Never Tried! - Put a scrunchie on his dick, then blow him.
    Boost Your Bedroom Confidence! - Stop eating for a month, lose 20 pounds, then blow him.
    How to Get What You Want in Bed! - Blow him first.
    When It’s OK to be a Bitch! - Only while blowing him.
    Sassy Career Moves to Get Ahead! - Give your boss head. Ask For Raise. Yay feminism.
    Celebrity Profile! - She is thinner, prettier, and more successful than you. And she probably gives better head.
    Scary Sexual Health Statistics! - Never have sex because you will get herpes and die. Unless it’s blow jobs, those are ok.
    Caution:

    Reading this post while eating nuts could cause choking and snarfing.

    But seriously, I have run into some CW moments lately, almost all with my female coworkers. Now the weight has noticably come off, and people are asking.

    CW1: So, you are doing low carb right? I could never do that. My carbs are all right here (pointing to her rotund belly). Yep. Tis true.

    But now, every thing I eat is grounds for dicussion. No, I did not eat at breakfast conference this morning (bagels, croissants, jam, coffee, skim milk). Nope, not at lunch meeting yesterday (sandwiches, chips, cookies, soda, salad with dressing). Yes, I am microwaving my own lunch after not eating yours. Get over it!!!

  8. #978
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    San Francisco Peninsula
    Posts
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    Re: Cosmo
    ELizabeth826 is spot on. I would only add that 80% of the sex tips require incorporating an ice cube.

  9. #979
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Midland, Texas
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    Quote Originally Posted by primaLeaf View Post
    Re: Cosmo
    ELizabeth826 is spot on. I would only add that 80% of the sex tips require incorporating an ice cube.
    Or Altoids.
    Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

    If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

    Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

  10. #980
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    2,648
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    Quote Originally Posted by ELizabeth826 View Post
    Every Cosmopolitan magazine cover story ever:

    41 New Ways to Please Your Man! - Blow him.
    How to Have the Best Sex Ever! - Blow him while moaning a lot.
    Secret Sex Tips Youíve Never Tried! - Put a scrunchie on his dick, then blow him.
    Boost Your Bedroom Confidence! - Stop eating for a month, lose 20 pounds, then blow him.
    How to Get What You Want in Bed! - Blow him first.
    When Itís OK to be a Bitch! - Only while blowing him.
    Sassy Career Moves to Get Ahead! - Give your boss head. Ask For Raise. Yay feminism.
    Celebrity Profile! - She is thinner, prettier, and more successful than you. And she probably gives better head.
    Scary Sexual Health Statistics! - Never have sex because you will get herpes and die. Unless itís blow jobs, those are ok.

    Cosmo has the worst "sex tips" ever. I feel bad that there are women trying these things and wondering why their sex life is still not what they'd like it to be.
    "Boy I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals" - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

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