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Thread: Funny CW moments

  1. #7531
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    All of this Yankee talk reminded me of this, rules for Yankee's moving to the South:

    - Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.

    - Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's a** for less than that.

    - Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

    - Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.

    - Don't show allegiances to any other school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.

    - Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.

    - Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit b*tching, spend your money and go home.

    - No, the state symbol of North Carolina is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.

    - Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God meant for you to do.

    - Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.

    - Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry a** back home!

    - We don't play lacrosse or none of them other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.

    - Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

    - If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

    - Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

    - If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

    - Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

    - Do not buy food at the movie store.

    - If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

    - Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

    - Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

    - People walk slower here.

    - Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

    - The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

    - The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

    - Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

    This one, "Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it." reminds me of my granny. She had an old coffee can that sit by the stove and every time she fried bacon, ham or any pork, the grease was poured into that can. If she was cooking a steak, a spoon full of that grease went into the skillet. About the only thing better than a steak is a steak cooked in pork fat!

    One that isn't on here is this....

    In the South, we still call the Civil War the War of Northern Aggression and yep, we are still pissed about losing!

    And if this pisses off any of the PC crowd, tough shit. I'm far from racist, a picture of my family would show that but the War of Northern Aggression was never about slavery, it was state's rights but, I don't want to turn this thread the wrong direction so I'll shutup now.

    Randal
    AKA: Texas Grok

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  2. #7532
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    Quote Originally Posted by yelena View Post
    a yankee is someone who eats apple pie for breakfast.
    TIL I am a yankee...

    (Well, only around Thanksgiving when I get the urge to eat apple pie all the freaking time.)

  3. #7533
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    Define apple pie. I make Apple German Pancakes for breakfast a lot this time of year, and my ass was born and raised in TX.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  4. #7534
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    Quote Originally Posted by texas.grok View Post
    All of this Yankee talk reminded me of this, rules for Yankee's moving to the South:

    I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there....

  5. #7535
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Define apple pie. I make Apple German Pancakes for breakfast a lot this time of year, and my ass was born and raised in TX.
    It's a variety of moonshine... That's NOT a breakfast food? whoda thuunk it!

  6. #7536
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    I heard it as rules for folks movin' to TX. It also included:
    -Don't be surprised when crossing the state is a 2 day drive.
    -"Bless your heart" is not a compliment.
    -It is perfectly acceptable to drive a tractor down the middle of the road. Get over it.
    -We have 4 seasons: Hot, Holy s**t hot, football, and frigid. In parts of Texas, it's futbol, not football, and there is a difference.
    -At a 4 way stop, athe truck with the highest lift and biggest tires has right of way.
    -Right of way makes no difference here. There are two rules of the road: "Get outta my way" and "You first." Do not assume you know which one is to be used.
    -If offered a beer/ drink, take it. You don't hafta drink it, just take it, or you insult the homeowner.
    -Sweet tea is "tea." If you want unsweetened tea, you hafta specify.
    - We were our own state, and G******t, we can be one again. Accept that mentality.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

  7. #7537
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    Texas Grok, that was bloody brilliant!!! I have never been in the south of the US before (A bit afraid that they will kick me out because I'm a pagan to start with) but I would really like to see it one day. Your rules made me smile...

    On the Yank thing, (I'm stupidly european so don't feel insulted), My dad calls all people living on that big island across that big plash of water Yanks... He's a sailor and hasn't had much positive interaction with the border security (which he thinks are all people there) in his years of sailing the US/Canada coast... Imagine my surprise to find a very nice person at the border with Canada to let me into the US and that people there are actually really nice to people from Europe....


    Anyway, my CW moment... I'm reading the article on Cholesterol at the eating academy.
    I realize that what he is telling on cellular structure isn't new. I had that in school as well. I know about lipid surrounding the cell and being of vital importance for existence...
    what the teacher failed to mention (thanks to CW) is that this lipid is 90% cholesterol!!!!
    My story, My thought....

    It's all about trying to stay healthy!!!!

  8. #7538
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarielleGO View Post
    I have never been in the south of the US before (A bit afraid that they will kick me out because I'm a pagan to start with) but I would really like to see it one day.
    Nah, I don't think we would kick you out, I'm agnostic myself with pagan leanings (still exploring that path), just don't expect to be invited to too many church potluck lunches.

    There are many Wiccan groups in Texas that I know of and they just blend into the rest of the denizens there.

    That being said, there are parts of the South that I avoid (the mixed race family thing) like Vidor, Texas and a few other places in the East Texas area. There are idiots everywhere, best just to avoid them.
    Randal
    AKA: Texas Grok

    Quote Originally Posted by texas.grok View Post
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  9. #7539
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    -"Bless your heart" is not a compliment.
    I remember when Nancy Pelosi said "bless their hearts" about the Senate. I fell about laughing. That said, someone blessed my heart just yesterday for giving her some space at the grocery, so I guess it can be used ambidexterously.

  10. #7540
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarielleGO View Post
    I have never been in the south of the US before (A bit afraid that they will kick me out because I'm a pagan to start with)
    I'm an athiest--I just make it a point to not talk about it.
    My Blog where I talk about my experiences with improving my health and life
    (I try to update ... once in awhile)


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