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Thread: I kinda forget Want page

  1. #1
    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
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    I kinda forget Want

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    As in, lately I literally lack the ability to choose things for myself or make decisions, if that decision is based only on my preference or desire (and not limited by budget concerns, availability, etc).

    I'm sittin here with this amazon gift card my wife got me for christmas, and I don't even know where to begin. It's been like 2 weeks of half-hearted second-thought browsing around, and I haven't even had an idea about stuff that I want.

    Does anyone else have a similar limitation now that they are conditioned by domesticity and monogamy to first and most intensely consider another and their wants before their own? I can't tell if it's cool or gay to go through lol
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

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    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
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    for example- man has maybe not yet made a food that I will not at least suffer through, and I can truthfully say that I find totally delicious and excellent almost everything that I have ever tried, and that I try new food all of the time.

    My wife, however (and this merits a seperate discussion: bitches with crazy arbitarily limited diets, because it is so common around here and I do not understand) only eats cheese fries or chicken fingers or pizza. So, when we go out to eat, I never even consider where I would like to go, because her childhood boardwalk nostalgia pallette limits our choices so much- so, she picks always. On the rare occassion that I am free to just go wherever I want, I find the initial inspiration phase, where I would say to myself, "I am in the mood for..." is typically feeble and malnourished in my psyche.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

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    namelesswonder's Avatar
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    I am not sure how this would be a characteristic of a homosexual.

    Anyway, hold onto it. Save it for something special. It's not like they expire! Treat yourself to something indulgent.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #4
    JoanieL's Avatar
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    OP, what you're describing is something a lot of women experience, especially when they become mothers. I think it's pretty brave of you to acknowledge that because a lot of men wouldn't, even if they were feeling it.

    Dude, sometimes you just have to give something to yourself! Which is what I'd tell any woman friend, except without the Dude part.
    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

    B*tch-lite

    We're men, Gus; the world is our toilet.

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    Him's Avatar
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    Years ago I had a coworker.... She was a mean old bitch and would love to hear me say that...except maybe the old part...but she had 20 years on me and it was her thing to be blunt and aggressive and she stood all of 5 feet tall and weighed maybe 100lbs so she had to WORK at it. She was the company hatchet man, in that the owner kept her around in part to fire people which he didn't like doing but she had no problem with. My work day wasn't complete unless I had good run-in with her...there were days when we would spend an hour plus entertaining ourselves with verbal battles...which took some doing since we worked in totally different departments and normally had no reason to talk at all. We were brutal but we both knew that if it came down to a fight we'd be on the same side. I liked her a lot.

    After a couple years the company hired her husband. The guy was nice enough but a total milquetoast. I remember him saying basically the same thing you are saying... he didn't do anything for himself, his own wants were always second, on and on. He wasn't upset, but just kinda "this is how it is...." She was driving a fairly OK mid-tier car (a high end Toyota), he had a totally crappy bottom dollar pickup truck. He had given up all his hobbies, didn't make any decisions, and so on. According to him they had been that way since they married (15 years?)....

    One day he just snapped. Started buying total crap (toy cars or something...maybe it was toy trains) obsessively. He spent big dollars on that garbage, and as far as I can tell the only reason was that she wasn't interested in them at all. Not long after that he asked if I could let him stay at my place for awhile since they were getting a divorce. I was never sure whether the problem was that she couldn't stand 15 years of milquetoast, or he had a mid-life crisis.

    Hmm... not sure where I was going with this, except maybe to say Joanie's right, with a side of, "don't bottle it up so long you go crazy because next thing you'll be asking strange people 20 years younger than you to let you sleep on their couch." Or something like that.

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    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
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    haha well I don't mean it like I am bitter about it- more confused? Because growing up I was rather terribly selfish and effortlessly conscripted the capability of anyone around me with force or deception, flattery, whatever. Probably it most negatively affected my younger brothers. It's probably mimicry from my dad. I have been married bout 6 years now though (and about ninety times dispatched psychedellic phantom armies into the depths of my psyche with wrecking balls and torches) so things are like alarmingly different.

    Anyway I am not at all in the boat of this guy that you are talking about...lol I am the family hatchet man. I just consider where I eat trivial and irrelevant now- conforming to some kind of paleo diet is important to me, not going hungry is important, but being the one who picks where my belly fills is like, a concern for children or something. And the perogative of Woman; I am but a humble servant in the court of the sorceress.

    I could totally see snapping like that I suppose, if pressure first built for a long time under resentment and frustration and shit, but these forces are very effectively regulated and spent with regular carnal depravity, which remains really the only authentic appetite I have anymore. And chinese food cravings. Of all the buddhas I killed on the road, egg foo young and pussy still whisper sweetly lol.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

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    InSearchOfAbs's Avatar
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    Yep, my sister gave me a 70 dollar amazon card for my bday in october - before she gave it
    to me, there were tons of things I wanted.

    Once I got it, I swear to the G-Man I couldn't remember ONE.

    So I saved it so long that I bought HER children xmas gifts with it.

    Sigh.

    Now if it was a gift card to a grocery store, I woulda spent that in a heartbeat, but
    still it would have been for others and not just myself. So whatever.

    Julie

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    Him's Avatar
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    I not sure he was resentful and frustrated for those 15 years. Talking to him early on it sounded like he was totally at peace with the whole 'I have no personal wants' thing. Then he wasn't. The transition seemed abrupt.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JoanieL View Post
    OP, what you're describing is something a lot of women experience, especially when they become mothers. I think it's pretty brave of you to acknowledge that because a lot of men wouldn't, even if they were feeling it.

    [B]
    This is how I am, pertaining to my children and my other half. He has to force me to get something for myself. I agree that it's a trait of motherhood as well, but also applies when one truly cares for another. Either way, to the OP...it's OKAY to get yourself something, and it's not unusual to feel this way.
    Sleep is the best meditation.
    - H.H. 14th Dalai Lama

  10. #10
    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
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    Her father was like that about his relationship with her mother; I got the impression though that he was just genuinely awed by her power and felt treacherous expressing any kind of resentment. He was a worthy and beautiful camel (in a nietzschean sense) and he accepted as part of his burden even the weight of her reputation as a good woman and shit. Very tragic.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

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