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Thread: Help- I seem hell-bent on destroying myself

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  1. #1
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    Help- I seem hell-bent on destroying myself

    When I was 10 years old I would sneak and hord candy from everywhere possible and devour it in secret even if I knew my parents wouldn't mind me eating it in their presence. From my earliest school days I was nervous in school and could never eat lunch, but finally became embarrassed about it enough to force myself to eat a piece of white bread every day at lunch. When I got home at 3 pm I would eat a lot more white bread and sugary treats. Then, the sugar cravings started taking over and I would have every bit of sugar available to me in school- a commercial donut everytime it was a friend's birthday, candy from other kids, etc. then lie about it to get more sugar at home. It was like a drug addiction and it continued for a long time with me stuck in the balance of craving sugar but at the same time despising eating in front of people at school.
    I started running cross country and that kept me at a small weight even for the junk I ate. Eventually I found primal and felt like I'd found heaven when I freed myself from the junk I used to feed myself.
    But maybe all was not as simple as appeared, because thinking back, I would eat cups and cups of sweet potatoes until I felt bloated and sick but still not content. And I would eat three meals but when my mom left the kitchen I would run in and sneak several slices of cheese even if I didn't feel hungry, I just felt a frightening drive to stuff myself.
    I stopped running around the same time I went primal and I think I gained about 5 lbs more than was good for me. My mom noticed and blamed the fat I was eating, as well as the portion size, and sometime around there a terrible spiral began where I swore to stop the battle I felt against my unnatural craving to eat, counted every calorie and rarely ate more than 900 calories a day, paranoid of non primal food.That continued most of last summer and I lost about 10 lbs, starving like hell. I came to my senses at a doctor visit in november when they said it was concerning that I lost weight since last year, and my mom started commenting that all my clothes suddenly seemed huge on me and she thought I might not be getting enough starch---

    Problem 2 begins. I started binging on a daily basis. Binging on buttered potatoes and meat and cheese fruit and chocolate, but binging until I was stuffed at almost every meal. My weight skyrocketed almost instantly and I gained 20 lbs in a month and a half, and now I have to stop, or even lose a few, but I can't stop binging. And the binging is getting worse- today I already ate a 4-cup jar of beef stew, a whole bar of chocolate and 2 cups of sugary yogurt- the binges are even getting farther away from primal.
    It is like an obsession. I've been trying to stave off the binging nonstop now. I realized I could stop it somewhat by eating apples every time I wanted to binge, but I ate 4 apples or more a day until I was bloated on apples and my gums bled from the acidity but now I buy high cacao chocolate bars, keep them in my desk and open one and eat until all 500 calories worth are gone.
    Something, somewhere went terribly wrong. This is not how its supposed to be.

    I'm sort of in shock with myself that I just gorged like I did. I can barely waddle but when I finish typing this I'll head out for a 2 mile walk in the park. It's the best I can do, it's the only thing. I wouldn't be so upset if I didn't feel helpless against this. Will it be a lifelong battle? It doesn't matter how good or satiating or satisfying the food is, I crave volume and I feel unfulfilled and desperate unless I am almost sickly full.

    Experiences? Thoughts and suggestions? I am a teen girl

  2. #2
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    Apr 2012
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    Another tidbit to mention-
    seemingly the only time I don't have this craving, overcoming necessity for too much food is when I spend a lot of time with other people and feel elated from that. I almost feel like there is some deeper problem here. For example I eat way too much chocolate as a stimulant, and I overeat I suppose because I crave the feeling of over-provision for and having done everything that possibly can be done, if I can explain that.
    It just scares me that food is the medium I use for this

  3. #3
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    Stress triggers this behavior. Stemming from obsessing about food, your image, etc. Seeing as it seems habitual by your last post, pick up another hobby, walk a lot, read, spend more time with friends. Just relax.

    If you binge, don't immediately beat yourself up over it. Just say oh well, and move on. It happens. You'll find if you think of it this way, you'll eventually feel less inclined to binge and eventually break the habit and forget about it.

    My two cents anyway.
    Make America Great Again

  4. #4
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    You might have an eating disorder, but you might also have a vitamin/mineral deficiency that your body is trying to compensate for by giving you cravings which cause you to binge.

    Your first step is to tell your parents what you just told us, and ask them to take you to a doctor for bloodwork to check to see if you have a medical cause for this, I think. If you can't tell your parents, perhaps you could speak with your school nurse.
    High Weight: 225
    Weight at start of Primal: 189
    Current Weight: 174
    Goal Weight: 130

    Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

  5. #5
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    It is good that you recognize this as a problem while you are young.

    I too developed secret eating and binging habits as a teen. Sneaking food and lying about it, eating 2 lunches and 2 dinners a day, taking 2 desserts, stashing chips under my bed and having 99 cent burgers on the drive home from school etc etc.

    These terrible habits have persisted through adult hood and at my highest weight, I was 347 lbs. Trust me when I tell you that you DO NOT want to go down this road. The longer you continue, the harder it will be to stop.

    Tell your parents, tell a counselor, call a hotline. Do anything to make this not a secret you are bearing alone anymore.

    Don't hate yourself when the binges do happen. Forgive yourself and try to be strong the next time.

    Drink lots of water.

  6. #6
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    Hey Campanella <3

    There's a current thread on disordered eating which you might find useful. http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread74909.html

    I'm in recovery from an ED at the moment, and I feel like I'm making really good progress, but it's still early days. Do check out the thread and share what's going on with you - there are lots of people with eating disorders who come to primal hoping it will help them, and they understand.

    Hugs!
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  7. #7
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    I would agree with getting some comprehensive blood testing done as well as seeing a counselor. You could very well have a major deficiency that your body is trying to correct, or you could have an eating disorder or both.

    Also as Derp said, you need to quit the viscous circle of binging, blaming yourself then exercising. Its very common and only gets worse. Break the cycle by trying to eat intuitively, really listen to what your body wants and eat without any embarrassment or regret. Dont punish yourself afterwords with exercise or starvation. Try to find something else that makes you happy that you can focus on and get more exercise for fun.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zach View Post
    Break the cycle by trying to eat intuitively, really listen to what your body wants and eat without any embarrassment or regret.
    Absolutely DO NOT "listen to what your body wants." At the moment Campanella has a real addiction to wheat and sugar and eating "intuitively" means to eat more wheat and sugar. Would you tell a drug addict to listen to his body and take more drugs?

    900 calories is not enough -- you should be eating twice that. My suggestion is to keep binging... but binge on the good stuff. Ground beef and veggies and butter and salt. Yup, it goes against everything you've ever been told. Always have a big pile of frozen veggies with a big pat of butter ready to go into the microwave, and binge your heart out. Eat ground beef for meals. If you need something sweet, drink Deit Coke. Yes yes it's bad stuff, but it's better than binging on real sugar.
    5'0" female, 45 years old. Started Primal October 31, 2011, at a skinny fat 111.5 lbs. Low weight: 99.5 lb on a fast. Gained back to 115(!) on SAD chocolate, potato chips, and stress. Currently 111.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxide View Post
    Absolutely DO NOT "listen to what your body wants." At the moment Campanella has a real addiction to wheat and sugar and eating "intuitively" means to eat more wheat and sugar. Would you tell a drug addict to listen to his body and take more drugs?

    900 calories is not enough -- you should be eating twice that. My suggestion is to keep binging... but binge on the good stuff. Ground beef and veggies and butter and salt. Yup, it goes against everything you've ever been told. Always have a big pile of frozen veggies with a big pat of butter ready to go into the microwave, and binge your heart out. Eat ground beef for meals. If you need something sweet, drink Deit Coke. Yes yes it's bad stuff, but it's better than binging on real sugar.
    You give the absolute worst advice.

    People, this is a person who has a unhealthy relationship with food. She is also a teenager. Telling her to eliminate food groups and like the above is saying to go low carb is guaranteeing that she will binge further. No one on earth is going to be satisfied from ground beef and veggies with butter. In the context of gaining a healthy relationship with food and getting over nutritional deficiancies, she needs to not feel limited to anything, nothing is taboo. Eat what you want without guilt, wheat and sugar are not going to kill you, billions eat them without ill effects. you wont ballon up in weight overnight either.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zach View Post
    ...she needs to not feel limited to anything, nothing is taboo. Eat what you want without guilt, wheat and sugar are not going to kill you, billions eat them without ill effects. you wont ballon up in weight overnight either.
    So, Campanella, this is the absolute worst advice from a dirty troll.
    "No one on earth is going to be satisfied from ground beef and veggies with butter.
    - if Zach couldn't break his suggar and wheat addiction, that doesn't mean nobody can. There are enough people who has done it and are satisfied from meat and veggies.
    While wheat and sugar doesn't kill people as efficiently as cyanide would, still it does quite some harm and getting fat to level of illness is one of them. And there are billions of people all over the world who have this ill effect. Not overnight, but be informed that normally people tend to live more than just a few nights. Within some years of eating the non-suitable food groups some people do get fat, get diabetes, etc. We do not need all the foods that there are in the world, especially not wheat and sugar (and check the others you may want to avoid).

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