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Thread: That new diet page

  1. #1
    Gadsie's Avatar
    Gadsie is offline Senior Member
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    That new diet

    Primal Fuel
    The alarm goes off. Hop out of bed with your new body shampoo, which makes you smell good until 11 AM. Quick breakfast, because that’s supposed be very important. But you’re already late so you decide to get a quick espresso, that’s probably enough for now. You just take 3 instead of 2 healthy snacks to work. You can’t live without those things nowadays. On your way to work you listen to the car radio and hear about the importance of exercising. At least 30 minutes every day. ..That’s doable right?..
    That’s half an hour and if you subtract 8 hours sleep from 24 hours you have 16 hours left in the day. That’s one twenty-third of the time that I’m supposed to stay active. But you’ve got a sitting job. So during work you won’t be able do exercise. After dinner you’re tired and you would like to watch the news and a nice movie. Of course you also need time to Facebook. But no worries, this Thursday you’re going to run around the block, so that’ll make up for it. Just not if the weather isn’t suitable or in the winter when it gets dark early.
    Once arrived at work it appears to be difficult to find a parking spot. This is a good thing, because this way you’ll walk another 250m to your office! That’s also exercise, so you can’t say you did nothing today. Actually you’re supposed to take the stairs, but your co-workers are entering the elevator and it’s a bit impolite to not talk with them. By the way, it’s very much showing off to suddenly take the stairs so you decide to get into the elevator as well. Hmm, it’s smelling a bit musty in your room, let’s open a window for some fresh air, that’s very healthy. The lunch is always very well taken care of at work. They’ve got huge multigrain sandwiches with more seeds than you ever knew the name of and the guy from Men’s health told you you could put some fried stuff on there because it’s actually healthier than most people think. You have to get in the front of the line, because they’re running out fast. If you’re too late you take a slice of skim cheese and a healthy yogurt with all kinds of probiotics in it. You don’t really know what those are, but they say it’s very healthy. The vegetables seem old and don’t look appealing anymore. You carry your bottle of water all day, but a cup of green tea, without sugar of course, is also very yummy and sooo healthy. Filled with antioxidants!
    An apple at 4PM because that’s when you usually start to feel a bit weak and lightheaded. Sometimes you’re allowed to sin with some Cola light. This one time obviously doesn’t matter. Actually the real Cola is much better, but oh well..

    On your way home you quickly hop by the supermarket. Strange, you always throw more into the cart than you were planning to. But yeah, that’s ok because you can’t do groceries every day. Also, when you’re hungry everything in the shelves seems a lot more appealing. Let’s throw in those chocolate cookies, there are only 2 of them in a separate package so that’s already less than an entire package of cookies. One for tonight, and maybe one for tomorrow or the day after. By the way, it’s a good thing that food is prepackaged these days which makes cooking go fast. Imagine you had to do it like your mom used to do it back in the days. Prepare meat long before consuming to make it taste good, cutting vegetables, and you don’t even think about peeling potatoes. It’s either rice or pasta. The brown rice is actually healthier but it doesn’t taste as good and it takes longer to prepare. Of course the pasta sauce out of the can because you don’t have time to cut onions, garlig, tomatoes and who knows what. Actually you’ve got a wonderful recipe with homemade sauces but on Monday night you don’t have time for that. Half an hour, it shouldn’t take longer. And if you happen to ever get friends or family over, you just show them your “real” cooking art. All those lifestyle books you got aren’t for nothing right? Vegetarian recipes from all over the world. If you maybe ever feel like cooking, you’ve always got one of those books laying around.
    Don’t get take-outs too often, even though it’s very efficient. But pizza once a week won’t hurt right? Saturday I’ll have another delicious soup out of the package with a sandwich. Seven days a week a real meal is nonsense. Eating out, that just belongs to modern day life. In a restaurant you don’t have to worry about the quality of the food, otherwise they wouldn’t have any customers left. One glass of red wine at dinner. That’s very important for the memory, arteries, and lot of other things. That’s proven by people who studied for it. Actually you’ll take another one. After dinner you’ll just twitter a bit. Before you know it the evening is over. Just watch a movie and after that try to go to sleep. But that doesn’t go as well lately. Especially when you start thinking and worrying too much. Especially about your weight lately. It went well for a while but then somebody said “that fuller face looked better on you”. You tried to lose weight multiple times. Recently you heard something about that new fun diet, it’s supposed to work and even taste good. Also you don’t have to focus on what you’re not allowed to eat. Actually you shouldn’t think about this while laying in bed. Think about nice things.
    Last edited by Gadsie; 01-22-2013 at 01:02 PM.
    Billie trips balls

  2. #2
    InSearchOfAbs's Avatar
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    1.) wtf

    2.) tl:dr

    3.) better suited for your journal....... or your shrink

  3. #3
    Kochin's Avatar
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    Really funny, but scarily true for most!
    --
    Perfection is entirely individual. Any philosophy or pursuit that encourages individuality has merit in that it frees people. Any that encourages shackles only has merit in that it shows you how wrong and desperate the human mind can get in its pursuit of truth.

    --
    I get blunter and more narcissistic by the day.
    I'd apologize, but...

  4. #4
    TheFastCat's Avatar
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    interesting thought experiment -- the mind of a KORG
    ad astra per aspera

  5. #5
    InSearchOfAbs's Avatar
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    i thought it was more of The Mind After A Bong Hit.......

  6. #6
    sbhikes's Avatar
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    That's so not you, Gadsie! Who are you channeling?
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    I can squat 180lbs, press 72.5lbs and deadlift 185lbs

  7. #7
    otzi's Avatar
    otzi Guest
    All I can say is for a Dutchy, you sure have a good command of the English language. I'd hate to write something like that in Dutch, and I'm a certified Dutch translator!

    Ik eet vlees en ik ben en viese vuile boerelul...godverdomme. In eigen huis, in een plak onder de zon, hallo meneer de uil, wat breng ya van naartoe? De fablestjes Krant ya, ya, in het fabletjesland!

  8. #8
    JoanieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by otzi View Post
    Ik eet vlees en ik ben en viese vuile boerelul...godverdomme. In eigen huis, in een plak onder de zon, hallo meneer de uil, wat breng ya van naartoe? De fablestjes Krant ya, ya, in het fabletjesland!
    LOL! Google gave me this as a translation:

    I eat meat and I'm dirty and viese boerelul ... dammit. At home, in a slice under the sun, hello mister owl, which bring ya to go? The little fable Newspaper ya, ya, in the fable little country!
    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

    B*tch-lite

    Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

  9. #9
    bloodorchid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoanieL View Post
    I eat meat and I'm dirty and viese boerelul ... dammit. At home, in a slice under the sun, hello mister owl, which bring ya to go? The little fable Newspaper ya, ya, in the fable little country!
    go home otzi, you're drunk
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Over the next 90 minutes, I want to show you that all of your problems can be solved with my penis.

  10. #10
    Gadsie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    That's so not you, Gadsie! Who are you channeling?
    Had to write a 1000 word story for english, so I decided to write one about my dad
    Billie trips balls

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