Primal Reflections (sarahelyse)
This is a collection of thoughts and reflections I've had concerning my change in lifestyle.
I don't plan on updating this daily for a few reasons:
1) Daily updating, while useful, also takes up time. I don't want to feel obligated to sit in front of my computer every day.
2) Once this lifestyle becomes second nature, I'll get bored reiterating mundane details every day.
So, what I really want to capture are thoughts, ideas, and motivation so that I can look back here on tough days to remind myself why its so important to live well. And, hopefully, others who are looking for motivation might find some here.
Probably the single most important change I've experiences thus far (two weeks in) is my mental state. Having struggled with depression for the past 9 years of my life, its always something I'm looking for ways to manage. I know that there is more to life than struggling with my own mind every day. I want to feel vibrant and alive and capable and competent, and I've felt that since switching to PB. I feel more in control of my life. I control what I eat, I control how I feel, I control my workouts, I control my own happiness! I almost can't explain what a huge change this is. I believe something in my brain chemistry has changed. Its an upward spiral! I eat better, so I feel better, so I think better, so I make better choices and the whole cycle repeats!
I can see farther into my future. I used to not want to think past a few months in advance, but now I have long term health plans! I want to bag a couple of 14ers in Colorado at some point. I'm making better choices now because I can finally imagine what my fit self looks like, so its easier to make good decisions that will let that fit person be free. I actually believe that I can do this! I can be healthy and fit and able to do all the outdoorsy things I've dreamed of doing!
My plates seem sooo much bigger than before! I don't even use the large plates in my correlle set anymore, because they seem ridiculously over sized! I can't eat the amount of food that a large plate would take up.
This is all it takes to fill me up now:
(Look at that cheesy cheat!!)
Can you imagine that on the large plates in the set?!
I guess I'm finally eating like a dainty girl! Too bad I'm going to end up a buff one instead!
I know that "they" say you shouldn't weigh yourself every day because the fluctuations will drive you crazy. Well, I'm a scientist, and I need data points! A large sample size! So I weigh myself every day.
I try to be really consistent when I weigh myself. I weigh myself at the same time every day: right after I wake up and go to the bathroom. No drinks, no coffee. Just elimination then weight. I even strip down to my undies to make sure my pj's are interfering with my data collection.
Anywho, I wanted to throw my chart up here and make a few comments on it
First, the equation for the trendline is shown on the chart. Because of the way that I set up the axes, the number in front of x (the slope of the line) represents my average weight loss in lbs per day. Over the last 20 days, I've lost an average of 0.64lbs a day.
Second, the "bumps" that occur around days 7 and 11 are particularly fascinating for me. I had been craving this Chinese dish that calls for rice. I decided to use quinoa instead, but I still ate waaay too much. And look! It caused my weight to go up a bit! Its really interesting to be able to see the direct impact on your diet on your day to day weight.
Finally, the huge drop that occurs between days 17 and 18 correlate to an unplanned fasting day. I hadn't cooked in a while, so I didn't have much to bring for lunch, but I also didn't really have time to eat during the day. By the time I got home, it was really late and I decided I needed sleep instead of food, so I went to bed. Voila! Big drop in weight.
My weight hasn't really changed much over the past week; however, my %BF has been trending downward, so I guess I'm gaining muscle mass as well. Makes sense since I've been busting my hump at the gym.
I've been trying to think of ways to reward myself for meeting certain goals, but I'm struggling to come up with something.
I don't want a food reward. I read a quote somewhere that said, "Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog."
I was thinking about maybe rewarding myself with a new pair of workout pants, since I don't have enough to last me a full week without doing laundry in the middle, but I don't have a lot of extra money. What I do have is going into a saving account because I found out recently that the stipend money I thought I'd be getting over the summer has been cut by almost 70% (i.e., I won't even be able to afford rent). The other thing about rewarding with clothes is that they're only going to fit for a few months, then they'll be too big!
So I'm kind at a loss as to how to celebrate weight loss/fitness goals. I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this, but if you are reading, and you have a suggestion, I'd love to hear it!!
I've more or less slipped up big time this past week. The stress of everything (life, school, the future) was too much for me to handle, so I reverted back to what I used to do - emotional eating. Part of it was I felt too tired to put effort into making food, but the other part was that I just really wanted some of those old foods. I thought it would be a one time thing, but it slowly took over my whole week.
I'm struggling a lot with my tendency to be all or nothing. In the past, if I screwed up, I would just give up entirely on the rest of the day. I had this mentality that it wasn't worth putting any effort in after I made just one mistake.
I'm really working hard to try to lighten up on myself a little bit. Every time I screwed this week, I would try to remind myself that this is for life, and that a slip up is okay every once in a while. But it ended up being a slip up every single day. So I'm trying to find the balance between being so hard on myself that I give up and so easy on myself that I don't feel the pressure to do well.
I cooked a lot chicken yesterday, so that I wouldn't be able to use the excuse "I'm too tired to cook." That chicken should last me for a few days at least, and I plan on cooking more this weekend.