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    sbhikes's Avatar
    sbhikes is online now Senior Member
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    5 expressions of love

    Primal Fuel
    At a meeting at work yesterday my supervisor tells us about the 5 expressions of love (it was a casual meeting).

    1. Time spent - doing things together, just being together
    2. Words of encouragement - telling someone you love them or other words of encouragement
    3. Touch
    4. Gifts - not necessarily stuff that is purchased, but little tokens to say I'm thinking of you
    5. Acts of service - doing things for the other person, helping you out somehow

    Usually there are two or three of these that when someone does them for you, you feel loved. Usually one is the strongest for you.

    For example, one of the ladies in our meeting collects Betty Boop things. He said she probably really loves it when someone shows their love with little gifts. She said, yeah, that's true.

    He told the story of his parents. His dad was the kind of guy who is like "Why do I have to tell you I love you. You already know I do." But his mom was the kind of person who needed to hear such words of encouragement. His mom was very traditional; she did the wash, ironed his shirts, cooked. To his father these acts of service meant she loved him. But while she was ironing and washing she was feeling angry at him for not showing her any love and feeling unloved. This is one way that relationships get out of balance.

    We all were discussing this and someone gave the example of their parents. Their relationship had been really strained because Dad had been a workaholic and they never spent time together. Recently he got cancer and now he is home sick. When people call and ask how Dad is doing Mom has a hard time sounding sad that he's not doing well because she is so happy he is around so she can be with him and care for him.

    Everybody decided they would go home and talk with their partners about this. I thought it was really cool so I talked to my Man about it, too. I know he likes touch but I don't like it much so I don't touch him very much. It was funny because I told him this and he said, "Yes, and....." Oh, I guess I should touch him now. Ha ha.

    Basically, if you figure out what the other person needs to feel loved and give it to them, you can create more love in the relationship. I thought some of you might also find these 5 expressions of love interesting.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
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    j3nn's Avatar
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    That's a great map of communication to the heart. It can be applied to all relationships. Knowing how to read someone and speak their language in the figurative sense is important. I like it. And I'm sure there's probably more things to add to the list, but this is a good starting point!
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    I think the 5 love languages comes from a book of that title by Gary Chapman.

    I like gifts, but I hardly get any.
    Female, age 51, 5' 9"
    SW - 183 (Jan 22, 2012), CW - 159, GW - healthy.

    Met my 2012 goals by losing 24 pounds.
    2013 goals are to get fit and strong!

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    Dr. Bork Bork's Avatar
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    I mentioned these "love languages" in another thread recently.
    Home | The 5 Love Languages®
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    That's a book offered to all soldiers deploying through the Chaplain's office usually. Great book.

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    I'm a spending time/service, DH is a words of encouragement/service. My family (mom/dad/sister) are objects.

    It is helpful. The enneagram is also helpful. Check it out. It's awesome. I'm a 6w5 sexual subtype; DH is a 9w1 survival subtype; DS is an 8w7 with a social subtype. We think he's got the 7 wing, but aren't too certain.

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    Gadsie's Avatar
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    I treat a girl like a girl, bad results
    I treat a bitch like a bitch, good results

    And it's not because other people say so, I have troed both things multiple times
    Billie trips balls

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    LOL, gadsie. *snort*

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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

    It is helpful. The enneagram is also helpful. Check it out. It's awesome.
    I am doomed.
    Female, age 51, 5' 9"
    SW - 183 (Jan 22, 2012), CW - 159, GW - healthy.

    Met my 2012 goals by losing 24 pounds.
    2013 goals are to get fit and strong!

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    zoebird's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jojohaligo View Post
    I am doomed.
    I don't see why?

    The enneagram has 9 types, three subtypes, and types range from unhealthy to healthy. Each type is just as good as the others, the main point is moving toward health.

    The system seems complex at first, but it's really simple, and once you nderstnad how your personality reacts to things (other personalities, usually), then it's much easier to see the situation more clearly and move toward healthy behaviors.

    But, one has to be pretty nerdy to get into it.

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