The "Live like you will die today" cure. page

[Rasputina]

So, I may have cured my anxiety/depression for a long while. I have 3 close family members with stage 4 cancer, This news has occurred within the past 2 months. The freedom that comes with realizing, seriously, that you could die at any time has hit home. The result is that I do what I enjoy more than I ever have before, but only things that won't hasten my death. The stress at work is gone, because if I lose my job, at least I'm not dead. Long line at the store? traffic? Rude stranger? Fuck them, who cares, I could die at any time. It's a very zen, "Dude" approach. When you are free of fear, when you are free of stress, you are finally free to enjoy what you have.

So, if you knew you had a year to live, what would you do?

[YogaBare]

Rasputina, this is so weird that you started this thread. I'm just implementing a slightly different, but very similar realisation. Last week I gave myself a death sentence - thinking: if this is my last year of life, how will I spend it?

All of a sudden I realised what was important to me, and that life is too finite to spend it doing things that don't make me happy and beating myself up for not being the kind of person I think I should be. If I only had one year to live I wouldnt give a shit anymore - I would do exactly what I want, without hurting anyone.

And it's weird, cos' since that realisation I feel such relief. It's like the pressure of being alive lifted from me. I am going to die and so there's really no point in worrying about "what I'm doing with my life". Most people don't "do anything" with theirs! I'm going to smell the fucking roses, I'm going to celebrate who I am in all my imperfectness, and I'm not going to stress about outcomes that may never occur.

I'm really sorry to hear about your family btw. I lost two young friends in 2012, both very suddenly and tragically (one, 33, to liver cancer, which she was diagnosed with and then died 10 days later; and one, 29, who was murdered) and I know how earth rocking it is. But it seems that you are coming through it with resilience. That's the beauty of the human spirit. “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

Hugs.

[Urban Forager]

Rasputina and Yogabare I'm sorry to hear of your loosing loved ones. I too had to re-evaluate how I live my life when our son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at 7. It caused DH and I to really examine how we were raising him and what our priorities were. We'd always been attentive and involved parents but after the diagnosis we learned to slow down and truly appreciate the time we have with DS. By that I mean letting go of per-conceived expectations and truly appreciate DS for who he is and letting him be that person. As a parent that's something worth doing whether your child is healthy or not. For us it led us to eventually unschool DS (his idea). None of us know how much time we have here. I am happy to say that DS is doing very well and as a family we enjoy each others company. I see so many families where the kids and parents are at odds; DS is now 14 and we don't have any of the typical struggles one expects with a teenager.

[JoanieL]

Travel, about a month or two overseas, then the rest here in the US because there is so much to do here and it's easier to party when you know the language. Eat at great restaurants, stay at awesome hotels, see some roadside attractions (I keep missing the SPAM museum due to logistics) and many city sites (museums, art galleries, shows). Wear a pork chop necklace to a PETA rally. Tell ignorant rude people that they were ignorant and rude. Die with one cent left in any of my accounts.

But first I'd have to believe it, and I have to tell you that unless God herself appeared and told me, I'd probably not believe. And if God did appear, knowing me, I'd probably think I was hallucinating.

Just as an aside, there is a slight difference between knowing you're going to be dead in a year, and living with the awareness that no matter how conscientiously you live your life, you're rarely out of reach of the result of someone else's stupidity or carelessness.

[Knifegill]

I try to live in a similar sense, but more Ecclesiastical. We live for a blink, come from dust and turn to dust, and nobody will care how we lived in even just a few generations. Clearly, any of us could fill a book with our views on life, but almost all my successful revelations on behavior and figuring out how to relax grew from this general attitude.

[YogaBare]

We live for a blink, come from dust and turn to dust, and nobody will care how we lived in even just a few generations. Clearly, any of us could fill a book with our views on life, but almost all my successful revelations on behavior and figuring out how to relax grew from this general attitude.

True, and beautifully put. I find it amazing though how embracing death has given me the freedom to make life what I want it to be. I always looked at life as this burden that I had to "do something with". Now I realise that it doesn't matter. The life I think I "should" live is not true to who I am and the burden of being that person or living that life makes me miserable. When you live your life as a preparation for death... well... you actually begin to live! It's an unexpected, paradoxical consequence.

When I decided to live my life as though I am going to die in a year I actually made a list of 32 things I want to do before that death sentence comes. One for each year of my life (I'll be 32 by next Jan). Any time I made lists before I always felt pressure to complete them, but this time I'm actually really excited about doing these things, when I'm ready.

Rasputina and Yogabare I'm sorry to hear of your loosing loved ones. I too had to re-evaluate how I live my life when our son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at 7. It caused DH and I to really examine how we were raising him and what our priorities were. We'd always been attentive and involved parents but after the diagnosis we learned to slow down and truly appreciate the time we have with DS. By that I mean letting go of per-conceived expectations and truly appreciate DS for who he is and letting him be that person. As a parent that's something worth doing whether your child is healthy or not. For us it led us to eventually unschool DS (his idea). None of us know how much time we have here. I am happy to say that DS is doing very well and as a family we enjoy each others company. I see so many families where the kids and parents are at odds; DS is now 14 and we don't have any of the typical struggles one expects with a teenager.

Thanks for your kind thoughts UF. I really respect and admire the attitude you adopted towards your son, and I'm so happy it's working out for you. What you're doing for your son is what I'm learning to do for myself. I really think that's where happiness is - lessening expectations, understanding who you really are, and embracing that. I think that inner support is what makes people blossom.

Hugs to you all!

[Paleobird]

Rasputina, as someone who lost my father two months ago and someone who has stared cancer in the face and made it back down, I understand where you are coming from. Hugs to you.

I highly recommend the novel by J. Stanton of the Gnolls site called "The Gnoll Credo"

The first item in the Credo is this:

We are born and we die. No one cares, no one remembers, and it doesn't matter. This is why we laugh.

[sbhikes]

I only barely touch the surface of this sentiment with my anti-careerism way of life. I just do not care about a career. By not caring, I can walk away. By being able to walk away, a tyrannical boss can yell in my face and threaten me and I can just laugh. I even had one of those for a while and you know what I did? I walked away.

I wish I could do this more, though. I might walk away from everything and just be a bum, bumming around the US, hiking the long trails, doing odd jobs for food, maybe I'd get better at playing my pennywhistle or mandolin and busk, live outdoors, walk away from fearful and negative people. I was raised so conventional it's so hard to throw off the mantle of what a proper life should be, so hard to close a door to open another. So I dream and think maybe when I'm old I'll do those things. When I'm old who will care what I've become, who will be left in my life to stop me?

[halfbunny]

Hugs for your losses.

That Gnoll credo is great, i am writing that down as a note on my laptop sleeve .

I am struggling with being raised by a poor but very material mom. Not her fault, but it is difficult to slip away from those thought patterns when you are being yelled at by your boss.. I try though, hmmm, I'll try even harder and might write the gnoll credo on HIS laptop sleeve when I have incorporated that credo LOL

[halfbunny]

Aaaa, i found out what a gnoll is, great!