amycann going primal again
I started primal last may during a nutrition class, I want to prove calories in vs. Calories out is only a small part of it. I lost 25 lbs in the course of two months baffling my professor. I planned on staying primal except life got in the way. I was planning a wedding with a very mean mother in law because my husband was gone for work for a couple of months. I had to take care of everything while working two jobs and going to school full time plus the wedding and moving, honestly I didn't have enough time for sleep let alone making dinner. So I gained those 25 lbs back and started having tons of pcos symptoms. So after going to the doctor I had a choice pills or diet. I chose diet. I am now back on the wagon and have been since before December but I hadn't been losing like I was until I went really low carb. Now the hubby is gone again and trying to stay on track.
My grandmother gave me alot. She raised me, taught me how to cook, hooked me on coffee. The one thing I wish hadn't given me were all those extra servings of food. It was her way to tell me she loved me. I was a tiny kid, clothes fell off me until I turned 12 when I hit puberty. Yet those extra helpings of food kept coming. Honestly I ate it because she did it out of love. I did not realize how bad the trait was until we had to put down her dog, who even after my grandmother death 3 years ago her dog couldn't loose all that weight and started getting glaucoma at six. The worst part is she passed it down to my dad. My dad has made one of his cats so fat it may not live the year out. He says he was just doing it out of love. This is not love. I even told my dad that. Love is an emotion where you care for something. I realized that I "LOVE" myself with food. I binge sometimes because I am down and think that the food will love me back, It won't. So this month I am facing my fears and I am not going to love myself with food instead I will look for love in my the people I care about. It means me being vulnerable, which I hate but I realize that I am making a band aid with food. Wish me luck!