Update. I felt completely normal for two days. Two days, that's it. It was amazing, but now it's gone, which is unbelievably disappointing. My bowel movements look a bit healthier now, and depending on the day and what I've been eating, they do sink occasionally, but it still feels like hell, and my mood is still tied to whatever's currently moving through me or what I ate the previous couple hours. My mood has been more balanced, but occasionally I'll slip up and do something crazy (like stabbing the wall with a chef's knife several times).
Results of my recent lab work (lipase and tTG): completely normal. Joy. Which means... endoscopy time! I have an upper abdominal ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning, so that should be fun as hell, and the endoscopy is scheduled for the 28th. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to me.
Oh well. Nothing to do but live life a couple hours at a time, right? What I'm looking forward to the most (if I can ever get fixed) is being affectionate with my wife again. I feel like this is hurting her more than me...