Hello all.

Does this plan work FOR ME? That's my yard stick for measuring all this. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Have been eating primal for about a week now. Think I'm over a carb flu.

At 265 pounds and have been this heavy for a year. Since 2006, jumped from 230. Was down around 190 in 2004. Was 200 ish in 1998, then up to 250 by 2001.

The major increase of weight from 2001 was a change in jobs from a physical one to a sedentary one. That, the death of my mum and my body slowing down while my eating wasn't - I was 35 then.

In 2001 I tried to take control using a commercial diet that cost a fortune. I checked in with a nurse 3 x a week, received an injection said to be Vitamin B6 and B12, and was restricted to a diet < 800 calories a day. Majorly unhappy the whole time other than losing piles of weight. But miserable. Off and on that stupid, stupid diet until 2004 when I realized how freaking unhealthy it really was. It has since pulled at me to come back - if only for the results. My partner has said he will NOT let me go on it - that's how horrible the process was.

Two years ago, read about Bill Clinton and his success with the Ornish plan. Tried that. Too damned difficult to comply. Tried Atkins and lost some weight. South Beach, and lost some weight.

Then I just gave up. What the hell. The weight is on, it's not coming off.

Six months ago, I stumbled on a site: Nerd Fitness. The guy talked in very simple terms about getting moving, about the folly of the Standard American Diet. Made reference to MDA. So I've spent MONTHS looking at this MDA plan - not diet. I joined a gym - one with a really great team who focused not only on fitness, but on diet (in its generic term). They put me on a self designed program essentially 50-30-20 carb/prot/fat - I lost some weight when I stuck to it, but it was hard even then to comply. And complex, constantly figuring out ratios - so much frigging work. The gym basically $65 a week for training. Ran out of my work, ran out of dough, stopped going to the gym. Weight started sneaking up.

I waited to try the Primal route because although Mark talks a good game, EVERY damn diet out there does. And EVERYONE is now on the bandwagon saying 'its not a diet, it's a lifestyle'. I was confused and thought that any diet that removes a whole food group is just another gimmick. I'm so tired of gimmicks, of things that don't do anything but line someone else's pocket. Who to believe? Got sources for your info? Yes I know you do, but I can prove that you're an elephant if you let me cite the proper statistics. I do like that Primal does NOT eliminate a food group although it might at first appear to do so.

BUT, Nerd Fitness and MDA both say "try it for 30 days". So OK I am. I'll get my hopes up again. I'll start dreaming again about what healthy looks like, about how it will feel not to lug around 100 pounds of blubber (and when I carry my 45 pound dog up the stairs for fun, I know how much 100 pounds weighs - yikes). I dream of what it will be like to be attractive - sexy. I think BEFORE I put food in my mouth about whether it's emotional eating or now.

Someone in the forum posted the following sentence (close to it) - that the only measure of whether it works is whether it works for you. It hit home for me because it was buried in a forum thread that was heavy on the science of nutrition - you know the stuff, the stuff that sounds SO convincing (Hey P90X and it's muscle confusion sounded convincing too). And I thought yeah yeah so convincing. Right. I wouldn't know a fast muscle twitch from a horse saddle. Then I read that person's quote: it only works if it works FOR YOU.

Great point. So here I am, hopes high. Knowing myself well enough to know if I'm really working this program or whether I'm just looking for another failure to justify my fat. I didn't "fall off" the plan yesterday, because I'm not working a PLAN. I am cutting out sugars, grains and crap food. I had a couple of cookies and some popcorn at the movies. Life goes on,. Today it's back to the way I want to eat: primal style.

Was pretty cranky last week. Hard to determine if it was part of my regular depression (for which I'm popping pills) or carb flu. Think carb flu because it was worse than usual. Past two days though (days 6 and 7), I'm a pretty happy guy. After the cookies last night, legs trembled terribly trying to get too sleep. Taught me well that sugar is not my friend.

My family is having pasta tonight - instead of noodles, I'm having spaghetti squash noodles, which I love. Instead of breakfast, which I have for years forced myself to eat, I usually have a smoothie - coconut milk, 1/2 banana, protein powder, some blueberries, some strawberries, some cayenne and some cinnamon. LOVE it.

Cut out booze for 30 days. I love my beer. I need to learn a new booze habit - I don't see complete elimination of alcohol as realistic, but who knows. Maybe wine. For 30 days. I don't have to think about it though. This particular task will be hard for me.

Six months ago, I had a major depression crash relating to my work. A high stress environment which I am now, for the most part, happily out of. Am re-evaluating life and realizing I WANT to be thin. And it's not just about health. I want to be sexy again, I want some vanity. I want some self esteem back. I'm tired of the quiet and not so quiet discrimination against me because I am fat. The jokes. The pokes in the belly and the Pillsbury dough boy comments. Tired of the self hatred. Tired of not being able to look down and see my ****.

This cannot be the way life is supposed to be. I'm not letting this all rest on my "diet". There;s a good chunk of internal work to be done too. But they are not separate beasts. One lives with the other.

I have reinvented myself several times over this life. I have not been a cubicle worker, I have been successful. And I will be again. And my health and my weight are part of this next adventure. So I have high hopes, Mr. Sisson. And while not ALL of my hopes are on the Primal Life, a good chunk is.

So here we go. 265 - I'm going to weigh myself once a month. I'm going to commit to writing this journal once a week, every Tuesday. I've started some fitness steps - the Nerd Fitness basic workout but not pushing myself into injury.

And dammit, I am going for my 36-38 inch waist. And not, as I have joked, a week after my death. But before my 47th birthday, eleven months from now.